Wonderful Weekends

SOOO! The last couple of weekends have been amazing! Now some may say that I'm currently living one giant weekend as I'm not going into work. They would be WRONG! Can I get an "Amen" from the stay at home moms? Totally a difference. But the last two weekends were definitely what weekends were made for. 

Last Friday was our 5th anniversary. Obviously we couldn't do much, but I'm pleased to say that we did celebrate. We're five for five on our commitment to celebrate our anniversary each year. This year we decided that each of us could use some time to relax, so Sam went to play a round of golf and I got a massage and a facial. Golf is Sam's happy place... He LOVES it, but it's like the most expensive hobby ever, so he rarely gets to play. I LOVE massages, but that's definitely a luxury thing for me... my last one was for our second anniversary, three years ago. While we were out for the day, Sam's mom kept Little Man for us. That afternoon we picked him up and went over to my mom's. She kindly offered to watch him for the night, so we went out to dinner at Bonefish and then spent the night at Chateau Elan. Chateau Elan is literally across the street from my mom's subdivision, so we were approximately three minutes away. It was nice to be close enough that I could relax, but separate enough that we could enjoy each other and celebrate five years together. It wasn't the most glamorous anniversary, but I'm really proud that we found a way to keep our promise for another year. I don't have any photos though, so you'll have to just trust me that it happened. 

On Saturday, the day after our anniversary my mom hosted a baby shower for us. It was really wonderful! She worked really hard on decorations, and the house was BEAUTIFUL! It was a really special day for our family and family friends to come meet Garrison and shower our family with love. 

Mom thoroughly enjoyed making a gazillion tissue paper flowers

The beautiful spread

Our one any only interest flop… Mom's goal were those tulle balloons you see
everywhere. FYI… they don't float. Like at all. So some gold spray paint to the rescue.

Sam had present duty for approximately one gift before he vacated the seat of honor

Happy little Greavu family

Mom was really wise (and awesome) and used items that I wanted
for his nursery for the shower decorations. This little
elephant will now take up residence in the nursery.

Sunday was Easter and Garrison's first time at church. We decided to take him to Waumba Land (preschool) as a packed auditorium and a screaming baby sounds awful. 

When you can't hunt Easter eggs, Easter is kind of a snooze.

He got the royal treatment complete with VIP stickers, an "Athens, I love You" onesie, and a sticker to celebrate his first time in Waumba Land. 

I wanted one of him awake, but first days at church are exhausting.

I think I was a good bit more excited about his first day in Waumba, as he pretty much snoozed. For me, this was a very long awaited day. I've served in the preschool ministry since August of 2012. I've watched hundreds of pregnant bellies and baby carriers walk past my door every Sunday for years. But even more, every Sunday for years, I've checked myself in only to have the parent pickup sticker print. Sunday after Sunday, I've simply thrown that part away, but no longer. 

I'll be needing that parent pickup sticker now!

It was a really incredible weekend. One filled with long awaited dreams come true, redemption, and lots of celebrations! It was also pretty crazy to think that this time next year we'll have a one year old to celebrate Easter with. Still surreal to think that this is my life. 

Yesterday my sweet friends here in Athens through me a second baby shower. These ladies have been some of my biggest supporters and cheerleaders over the last few years. In a lot of ways, Garrison is the fruits of their labor as they have spent countless hours in prayer for our family. It was so special to get to celebrate with them and introduce him to the answer to their prayers.

Beautiful (and delicious) cupcakes by my friend, Laura.
Notice that she wrote a bazillion nicknames for Garrison.

The beautiful spread of food. My friend, Danielle, has
THE BEST house. Seriously. Add that she and her husband are
great cooks, and well, they could sell tickets to be friends with them.

Some of the beautiful decorations that the girls came up with…
don't be jealous, my friend Kristin is a ridiculously
popular interior designer.

The remaining Athenian members of my original small group…
love these girls to pieces!

Current small group (minus one). So thankful for each of these ladies!

These weekends have been so special! I wasn't sure if I'd ever get to have a baby shower… kind of a always the bridesmaid, never the bride, type of deal. But now I've had TWO and they were both so special! And while it makes for a rough first few weeks, it's pretty awesome to have your baby with you at the baby shower. We're so, so thankful for the outpouring of love and gifts we've received since bringing Garrison home. He's going to be one well dressed  and well read little dude. 

When I Said I Do

Five years. That's what we're celebrating today! Five years of marriage. 

This anniversary admittedly kind of snuck up on me. I haven't really spent the past few days leading up to this anniversary reminiscing or looking back through old wedding photos. I think I've got a pretty good excuse though, right?

Last night as a held Little Butt I read back through my old posts on past anniversaries. There is definitely a theme in the last few... for better or for worse. When I said I do, I had no idea what "for worse" really meant. How could I? I was 24 years old… I felt old, but gosh, I was just a baby. We had no clue that our vows would be tested by fire so soon. No one saw infertility coming. No one could have predicated the bomb that would soon drop right in the midst of our marriage. We were barely 16 months in when our first tragedy struck. Since that moment, I think we've seen our fair share of the for worse part those vows talk about. 

On one anniversary, I wrote the following, "but the really cool part about marriage: you've got somebody to walk through the 'for worse' with. And when the 'for better' comes, that person understands better than anyone else how much you have to celebrate!" I stand by that today. The last year was filled with much of the same. While it wasn't necessarily our darkest days because we didn't lose any pregnancies or embryos, there will still some really hard, dark days. A lot of fear. A lot of doubt. A lot of worry. We've recently turned a pretty big corner, obviously. We've crossed over and we are certainly in our "for better" days right now. It is fantastic to walk through these days with my husband, not only because I love him, but because he has intimately known and faced the "for worse" days with me. He knows just how much better these good days actually are. For better is a whole not sweeter when you're seen for worse.

Although I feel like we're basking in the the sun's warm glows these days, I know that there will be dark days ahead. I'm not naive enough to think we've experienced the last of our for worse. There will be more hard days. We will get sick, we will experience financial stress, we will lose a loved one. It's inevitable… a part of any marriage. Even just in terms of family building, we will shed more tears. Of that, I am sure. If there's one thing the last few years has taught me, it's that we will survive. We've been through a lot and we're still here. For better or for worse… we've lived it all. 

Five years isn't really that long, but I think it's long enough to be proud of. I'm proud that five years later, I would still chose him. Despite all of it, everything we've been through, I'd still chose him, and I hope he'd say the same because life is simply better when we're together. I can honestly say, "I have found the one whom my soul loves" and I am looking forward to the next five years (and more) with him… for better or for worse.

Babe, when I said "I do" I had no idea what our future held, but I'd say it again today with just as much assurance as I did back then. It is my joy and privilege to walk through life with you. Happy Anniversary!

Four for Four

Way back when, before we were married, I made Sam agree to always celebrate our anniversary. Like a legit celebration, not a card or flowers from the grocery store on the way home from work. No, I want an actual break in the regular day-to-day stuff, a pause to reflect and look forward. I totally recognize that this is a hard commitment to make, particularly if there are several little ones running around. As we still do not have said little ones, are excuses typically center around a lack of funds (because said funds were spent in the process of procuring said little ones). Our anniversaries have simplified and simplified year after year... we started off big and slowly made less and less of a celebration out of it. This year, despite not having ample funds I really wanted to do something. I'm thankful to say that, thus far, we are four for four in our commitment.

Year One: Caribbean Cruise

Year Two: Atlanta

Year Three: Lake House

and...

Year Four: Myrtle Beach

I didn't set out to go to Myrtle Beach, but rather I just wanted some place warm. I think pretty much the entire country would agree that this winter has been looonnngggg and cooolllldd. And for our family, this winter has been about as depressing as I can handle, so I really felt the need to feel warm sun and see bright skies. Not to mention I'm fairly sure if the clinic checked my Vitamin D level these days I'd be back at the "chronically low" stage. It seemed like the beach was just calling my name. I started off researching glamorous things like Mexico... scratch that idea. I downgraded to Key West... mmm, no. Vacation wasn't looking too glamorous after crunching the numbers. Thankfully, just a few weeks ago, I found a Groupon Getaway for a hotel in Myrtle Beach. After a little TripAdvisor research I decided this was a nice spot and a good deal... we booked it. I'm so glad we did!

The hotel, Marina Inn at Grande Dunes, was kind of ridiculous... as in ridiculously nice (so don't go look it up and assume we paid that... umm, no) Definitely a vacation destination for people in a different tax bracket than us, so thank you Groupon. We walked into the lobby and I thought we were lost. Needless to say, we looked slightly out of place in our travel gear after a six plus hour drive at check-in where everyone else was in resort wear or business attire. But whatever, my clearance bathing suit from White House Black Market and Rainbow sandals served me just fine. 

We were super nervous about the weather. All week we'd been checking and it was getting worse and worse. When you're only staying two nights, that one full day becomes REALLY crucial to the success of the trip. Luckily, we woke up Saturday to clear, blue skies and warm sunshine. We had a glorious day on the beach! The beach was practically empty! The hotel has a small "private" section, and randomly none of the other hotel guests decided to utilize it that day. It was so nice and quiet... just a really lovely day to relax with my husband. 

My only complaint is that our trip wasn't long enough... I could have used another day or two. But time off of work and money are hot commodities these days. Regardless, I'm so thankful we got away, had time to rest, and time to remember how blessed we are to have each other.

Top Left, clockwise: Fish N' Chips for Anniversary dinner, Coldstone (eek),
the beach,  view from hotel room, awkward photo on the beach, my monogrammed towel
and not so tan legs, Sam and his Double Pig dinner on our Anniversary,
lovely hotel room for less than half the price

Here's to year number five!

Another Year Gone

It's a little surreal, but today is our fourth anniversary! I swear it seems like it was just a few months ago that I was writing about our third anniversary! I guess it's really true what they say: the days are long, but the years are short. There have been some really, really long days this past year. Days that I'm content never to repeat. But last night, as I read back through the previous years' anniversary posts (here, here, and here), I was pleased to see how how much we've done, how far we've come, and how much we've learned. Last year I was looking ahead to our fourth year of marriage. On that day, I was excited about:

• Sam will accept an offer TODAY for his first job as a physical therapist.
• We will move OUT of my mom's house and IN to a house in Athens
• I will get a job (the odds are high within a year, right?)
• We WILL pay for IVF
• We might get pregnant
• And if we're really, really blessed, we might buy a house within the next year.

And don't you know, we actually did almost all of the above except buy a home, (and the obvious one) but as we had our home inspection this morning, we came very, very close to sneaking that one in too. And honestly, I'd forgotten it was even a goal until last night! 

There is certainly one GIANT thing missing that we were desperately hoping for out of year four: a bring home baby or a solid pregnancy. Obviously that didn't work out like we were hoping despite saving and paying for IVF. It's really easy to start grading the years based on the one thing we're missing. When it's the one thing you spend all your time and money on for an entire year, it really feels like a failed year when that one thing doesn't work out. But the truth is, we've had a good year. We both got jobs, we moved to Athens, we completed our goal and paid for IVF (and an FET) without debt, and we're hoping to buy a home soon. Sure, this year would have been just about perfect if the IUI, or IVF, or FET had worked, but they didn't… it doesn't change what we did do, what we did accomplish.

There seems to be a general theme the least few years as I've recapped the previous year… sadness and hope. Sadness for what has gone before and hope for what might come tomorrow. That pretty much sums up this year as well. Marriage is about for better or for worse. Our for worse is most certainly infertility… it's a repeat theme year after year. And I'm not sure when or if that will ever change, but I'm still so incredibly thankful that we have each other. The worse is significantly better than it could be when you're with the one you love and you can support each other.

So Happy Anniversary to my best friend! I feel abundantly blessed to call you my husband! I'm looking forward to year five and hoping for better and brighter days with you!

April 3, 2010: Courtesy of the*Reason

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Corinthians 13:7

An Anniversary of a Different Sort

Two years. Two full years of trying to concieve. Two full years of taking my temperature every morning, of holding my bladder for four hours for my afternoon OPK test, of every other day timed intercourse, of blood draws, of invasive tests, of questions and no answers. Two years of trying and failing. Bummer.

May marks our "anniversary" of sorts. We officially threw out the condoms and all other forms of birth contol in May of 2011. No, I don't know what day specifically. I didn't know then that this would be an annual day to remember. I know that it was in May, and I know that it was early May, because my next cycle started June 9th. I also know that it was after Sam finished the Spring semester... that was the deal; he wanted to wait until his second year. Whatever specific day my cycle started is irrelevant. We're here. And it's two years later. And we don't have a toddler. Or a baby. Or a bump. We have NOTHING to show for it.

The truth of the matter is, that two years is small potatoes to a lot of infertiles. Sure, there's tons of couples out there that stuggle for one reason or another, but simple medications like Clomid get them appropriately knocked up and they go on their merry way. Not to discredit those couples in anyway, Clomid's no joke, and no one wants intervention in the baby making process, but for a lot of couples the time between "We can't get pregnant" to "Holy freak out, we're pregnant!" is fairly "short". But for WAY TOO MANY other couples it takes years and years and years.

I'll be honest, when I first started marching down this infertility road, I actually avoided stories of delayed success. If the story started with "we've been trying for two (or three, or four years)", I just didn't want to hear about it. I think I subconcoiusly thought if I didn't acknowledge the long journey some couples have, or the fact that IVF is sometimes required, then those things wouldn't be true for us. Hahaha. Funny, Amanda. On one hand, I feel totally justified in pitching a fit about TWO YEARS of trying to do what a zillion tenneage girls do in the back of their boyfriend's car. But on the other hand, gosh, there are so many women, many of whom I've come to call my friends (though most of them, I've never met) who have been at this for much longer than we have.

With that in mind, the two year mark is kind of humbling. Yes, we've been at this for two years. Yes, they've been difficult and costly years. But the truth of the matter is, we may be at this for quite a while longer. I certainly hope not. I hope I never reach the three year mark. If I do, I hope my status is quite a bit different: I hope my uterus is occupied. But I've come to realize that there may be a year three, or four, or (heaven forbid) five in this process.

It's also kind of a revelation, this two year mark... a coming to terms, if you will. For a long time, lots of people have said things to the effect of "you're not that infertile". I think many people assumed this for two reasons. One, I got pregnant before. I miscarried, but I got pregnant, and pretty quickly after we started trying at that. So I think the assumption is, if it happened once, it'll happen again, because hey, even lightning can strike the same spot twice. And then following that comes the assurance that, "I'm sure it'll stick next time." Secondly, I think a diagnosis of unexplained infertility makes people think I'm less infertile in some way than someone with stage IV Endometriosis or Dominished Ovarian Reserve. Since, the doctors can't find anything, many people assume, there must not me much to find. Well, let me tell you, I've come to feel pretty differently about the whole scenario.

I've come to terms over the last several months that I'm infertile. I know I said that along time ago, but with so many people telling me that "I'm just a little infertile" I was secretly hoping that it was true. Of course there's nothing like three textbook perfect IUI cycles failing to make you go "hmmmmm". But the truth is, if I wasn't infertile, I'd be pregnant by now. Period. End of story. 90% of people (I made that statistic up) manage to get pregnant without ever knowing when they ovulate. A little wine here, a little vacation there, and pow... pregnant. An additional 5% of the population (don't you like these stats?) will get frustrated that the magic isn't working, and they'll do some research. They'll read Taking Charge of Your Fertility or begin testing with ovulation predictors or maybe they'll hit up their OB/GYN and leave with a prescription for Clomid to "get the ball rolling". A few months of actually having intercourse when it matters, and voilà, pregnant. And then there's the rest of us. That other 5%. We have sex like it's our job. We have schedules. We know when we ovulate. We don't miss ovulation day. We take a slew of drugs and supplements and vitamin cocktails to induce ovulation, to make bigger, stronger, and just plain more eggs, to create cushier uterine linings, to make stronger swimmers, to make every little thing go like clockwork, and yet, to no avail.

That's me. I'm in that group. My twenty-third cycle is in progress. Simple math tells you I should have been pregnant long ago. I've done two medicated cycles on high doses of Clomid, one IUI on Clomid, two more IUI's on Femara and zero of those cycles resulted in a BFP. Even when we're not going though treatment, we're testing, we're supplementing, we're alternating intercourse days, we're temping, we're waiting. But it's been nineteen cycles since that one, brief, BFP. The two year anniversary is all the confirmation I need... I'm infertile.

So happy infertility anniversary to us! May we never see another one!

Three Years to Celebrate

We made a rule in our house before we ever got married. It goes something like this:

We will ALWAYS celebrate our anniversary. 

We made a promise to each other over three years ago that no matter how busy our lives get or how difficult it is to get away from the kids (what kids?) that we will always take time to get away and celebrate another year of marriage. The previous anniversaries were pretty special. First we went on a cruise. And then we went to Atlanta and stayed at the Ritz Carlton. I knew several months ago that this anniversary wasn't going to be anything like those. We simply don't have the funds. But I really didn't want to break the promise either, I mean, we don't even have five kids to find a babysitter for. What's our excuse?

I started looking into some cheap cabins in the north Georgia mountains. I figured we could pull together a couple hundred dollars if we really, really tried so that we could have a nice, relaxing weekend. I was discussing our plans with the girls in my small group when one of them said that her in-laws own a lake house. Well don't you know, those people are extra generous and they let Sam and I stay for free! We were so blessed!

But wait, back up… I haven't told you about our actual anniversary. We went down to Atlanta to eat on our anniversary. This is the first year that we haven't been able to link up the getaway with the actual day, but it still turned out nice. We ate at Ruth's Chris in Buckhead. Every year for Christmas, my step-dad gets us a gift certificate to an Atlanta restaurant. It's a pretty sweet gift. We would never go to these places without that gift card, so it's a really nice treat. We had never been to Ruth's Chris before, so it was a lot of fun.

The food is, of course, delicious. And expensive. Like holy cow expensive… like really, was the cow holy? Because it sure costs enough! But still, very tasty. I'll be honest and say there were a few things I didn't love about the restaurant. Firstly, the cost. It's even more  expensive than out favorite Atlanta steakhouse, Chops, which I didn't think was possible. Secondly, the plates. The plates that the steaks are served on are 500 degrees!!! I get that this is their claim to fame, but seriously, it was like having a weapon on the table. Even knowing they are scorching hot, it's tough to reach around and not brush the plate. Sam bumped his and informed me that yes, they are hot. Can you imagine kids at the table????

Anyway, here's our spread:

top left: Calamari, bottom left: Lobster Mac & Cheese
top right: sizzling plate o' steak, middle right: pommes frites,
bottom right: chocolate mousse cheesecake

Friday morning we packed our bags, kissed Sterling and Everest goodbye, and headed to the lake house. It's a lovely place on a little lake just north of Atlanta. We spent Friday picking up some groceries, taking the paddle boats out, enjoying the hot tub, and going out to dinner! Dinner was great! We found a cute little restaurant in Canton called Downtown Kitchen. It was a great find! Apparently the teenagers think so too (or maybe their moms?) as the Canton homeschool coalition was having prom above us. Haha! So fun! We left and one of the boys was outside smoking (shame on him) in a CAMO VEST with his tux!!! Ahhh! I wish I had been brave enough to snap a picture! Anyway, I digress, the food was delicious, as you can see:

Saturday we were extra lazy. We lounged on the porch in a swing, canoed, interrupted a goose mating dance, lounged in the hot tub, watched Game of Thrones, took the paddle boat out, met a duck, cooked dinner, and watched the Final Four! Yea, the NCAA tournament is always a part of our festivities. Way back when, I made the mistake of scheduling our wedding on the Final Four (my bad, it's not a holiday on the calendar). Which means that there were TV's at my wedding reception, we spent Monday of our honeymoon ordering in pizza, and every year since we've spent either Saturday or Monday holed up inside instead of out on the town. But whatever, it's a fun tradition.

top left to right clockwise: morning porch swing, Fried Chicken,
relaxing in the hammock, our duck friend, Sweet Potato Fries,
hot tub fun, Blackened Shrimp Pasta, cheesy self-photo

So yay for us, we managed to celebrate with some style thanks to some penny pinching, gift cards, and our incredible hosts for the weekend! I'm calling anniversary #3 a success!

A Look Back

Everyone's asking, and as it is still my anniversary, I broke out the wedding CD's just for your viewing pleasure. The pictures make the day look a lot more together than it really was. Thankfully, my photographers didn't capture all of the behind the scenes moments, like running two hours late due to my hair, or sinking three inches in red Georgia clay because I was silly enough to wear ivory stiletto heels outside in the woods. However, looking back, it tells the story of a pretty special day. Hope you enjoy!

Also, we looked this good in huge part to some really spectacular photographers! All of these photos are by Chris + Allie Bartelski of  the*Reason.

For Better of For Worse

It's my anniversary. Three years since we said "I do" on a beautiful spring evening before our family, friends, and the Lord.

"First Look" captured by the*Reason

I'd love to write this whole post about how incredible these three years have been, but honestly, some of it has been pretty tough.

Immediately following our honeymoon we moved away from all of our family and friends to Augusta, a city we never really learned to love. Those initial months were difficult as we learned to balance married life with grad school life. But then we found our rhythm and life was really beautiful. We were blessed to live in "our first home", find employment, buy a monster puppy, and finish a year of grad school.

And then we pulled the goalie. Sam started his second year of grad school as we returned from our first anniversary cruise, and we kicked the condoms to the curb. Soon after we had the hardest month of our marriage, possibly our lives. We miscarried. Since then, life has been a whirlwind, particularly this past year.

Our third year of marriage began with a lot of hope. We went to our first RE appointment. We decided to start more advanced treatment. Sam completed his final semester of classes. We moved from Augusta. We had a lot of really really good things going for us.

And then treatment failed, and failed, and failed. I can't really explain the affect the three failed IUI's had on me, and thus our marriage. We've been given fair odds at becoming parents, but for a price. A price we can't currently fathom.

Our third year had a lot of "for worse" in it. We lived with one set of parents or the other for eight of those months. We've lived on student loans alone for so long we don't remember what "date night" is. And we can't even remember what two pink lines look like. The worse sucks.

When does the better start? We are really, really hopeful that year number four is going to be great. There are a lot of things to be excited about, so lets take a look at some of those:

• Sam will accept an offer TODAY for his first job as a physical therapist.
• We will move OUT of my mom's house and IN to a house in Athens
• I will get a job (the odds are high within a year, right?)
• We WILL pay for IVF
• We might get pregnant
• And if we're really, really blessed, we might buy a house within the next year.

Basically, all of that is to say that, yeah, there has been a lot more "for worse" in our short marriage than "for better". We never thought life could be this complex or painful in our twenties, but it is, and it has been. But the really cool part about marriage: you've got somebody to walk through the "for worse" with. And when the "for better" comes, that person understands better than anyone else how much you have to celebrate!

I'm so thankful that we are both in this thing for better or for worse. For richer or for poorer. In sickness and in health. Because we've dealt with all of that in our three short years. Life isn't a cake walk. The streets of life are not paved in gold. But I am oh so very thankful to have Sam by my side through all of these early unforeseen bumps. I have no idea what tomorrow may hold, but I feel truly blessed to face whatever comes with my husband at my side.

Happy Anniversary to the love of my life! I'm so blessed to call you mine! I'm so lucky to be in love with my best friend!

Life Update

Ughhh! I'm a terrible blogger. Honestly, there's not much going on in my head these days… it's all a mess while we wait for decisions that are both in our control and out of our control. Lovely.

Here's what I can tell you:

• We are not moving to Colorado. I am both bummed and relieved, but that's a story for another day. None of the opportunities turned out in Colorado to be as fruitful as here locally. The good news: it made making the decision a lot easier. And I'm thankful we are on the same page. 

• We have two AWESOME opportunities here locally, and by locally I mean within commuting distance of Athens. We have until next Wednesday to decide. To say I'm a wee bit anxious is an understatement, but mostly I'm just really thankful to be in a position to CHOOSE.

• Speaking of next Wednesday, that's our anniversary. Three years. Crazy.

• Once Sam has made the decision and notified all parties, we will begin our hunt for a rental home. In my experience, this is hell. It's crazy stressful to find a place you can commit to for a year or whatever. It's always a zillion times more than you intend to spend. And it's infinitely more difficult when you throw a cat (rental owners hate cats) and an eighty pound dog into the equation. We're hoping that Athens will be easier and cheaper than Augusta.

• I suddenly recognized that I will not always have my current insurance. While my insurance SUCKS in comparison to those who have infertility coverage, in reality it's pretty good. As in $250 deductible and 10% after that. I've been quoted a little over $400 for the surgery with my current insurance. Therefore, I have a pre-op appointment to discuss (and plan) a laparoscopy with my RE in April. That gives me a surgery date for the first week of May. I'm hopeful that I don't chicken out between now and then.

I think that's about everything swirling around in my head. I apologize for the bullet-style posting and the conglomeration of mess. The good news is that there are some blog worthy events coming soon. Here's a teaser:

• Third Anniversary
• Anniversary Getaway
• Due Date Anniversary
• Sam's Graduation

All of that occurs within the next forty-two days! Crazy!!! 

Goodbye 2012

And 2012 is going... going... gone. I'm tempted to say good riddance, but that seems kind of blasphemous, or at least unthankful. And truly I am thankful for this year; I'm just in a pity-party kind of mood. I remember a similar post in 2011 in which I was sad to see 2010 end, it had been a FABULOUS year. I don't feel quite the same way about 2012. Good things happened for sure; I'm just ready for 2013. Ready to put the bad, the sad, the frustrating, the depressing from this year behind me. Having so many fellow bloggers gives some humbling perspective to the idea that "next year is our year" as many of them are in their third, fourth, fifth, etc. year of actively trying to conceive. So I won't say that 2013 will be the year of success, but I have to cling to hope, cling to the idea that 2013 might be the year, and if it is, well, I'm glad it's here.

But like I said, 2012 wasn't all bad. Firstly, I outed myself as infertile. It was a crazy, stressful, overwhelming decision, but I haven't regretted it for one moment. I've found so much support in the blogging world. The camaraderie, the sister-like aspects of blogging about my journey and reading about others' experiences is truly therapeutic. I'm in a much better place than I would have been if I was dealing with this alone. And the support I have received in real life - the friends, the family members, the random strangers - has been unbelievable. It is so comforting to know that people care, really, truly care. This time last year, I was blogging secretly about my experience, about surviving the miscarriage, about starting clomid, and I felt so unbelievably alone. Amazing what can change in a year, when really, nothing has changed at all.

Secondly, we celebrated our second anniversary. Sam and I decided long before we ever said our vows that we would make a point of celebrating our anniversary each year. No matter what. We promised that we wouldn't let kids or jobs or money prevent us from marking each achievement. Well, luckily, jobs haven't been an issue, we've celebrated cheaply, and wouldn't you know, kids still aren't a problem. Our second anniversary wasn't as glamorous as our first, but I'm still happy that, thus far, we've kept our commitment. Let's hope something cheeeaaaap makes itself available for anniversary number three!

Thirdly, in keeping with the marriage aspect, my marriage is in a better place this year than last. Don't get me wrong, we've been great all along, but infertility can really put a strain on things. Sam and I dealt with the miscarriage very differently and it was hard for me to watch him move on so quickly. Initially, we were in very different places on how to move ahead with the infertility diagnosis. It created a lot of tension. I'm happy to say, that we are on the same page now. Maybe not on the same paragraph, but hey, progress is progress. You've got to celebrate the little things. We have a (for now) plan. I won't say that either of us are 100% in love with the plan (who loves a plan that includes IVF?), but we've reached a compromise, and that is a beautiful thing.

Fourth item of fabulousness, we moved! Praise the Lord, Augusta is behind me. Lots of Sam's PT classmates love Augusta (I think there is something in the water), but it wasn't for us. Between the job, the school, the heat, and the cockroaches, we had our fill. We are so happy to be back. We are THRILLED to be close enough to our church, Athens Church, to get involved again. This has been an amazing season for us spiritually both individually and as a couple. We simply can't wait to permanently move to the Athens area.

And lastly, I started treatment. I won't go so far as to say that I'm thankful to need treatment. No, if the good Lord wants to heal me tonight that is fine by me. But, I'm thankful that we've started. If we are going to need to go alllllllll the way to IVF, then I am glad the ball is rolling. I'm glad we didn't wait. I'm glad we didn't "give it more time". I'm pleased that despite the immense amounts of frustration and the fury over our situation, that we've checked boxes off the list. There are less "unknowns" now. We have more answers, not all of the answers, but more than we had at this time last year.

So, in conclusion 2012 was rough, but most importantly we survived. We survived with our marriage and our faith still intact, and let me tell you, some days, that feels like a pretty huge achievement. 2012 certainly left some scars, but nothing that we can't move beyond. Maybe one day, we will be thankful for those scars; stories to tell and all of that. Welcome 2013. Be gentle with me. And puh-lease be "my year".

Two Years to Love

Sam and I made a deal before getting married that we would always take time to spend together despite work, family, kids, etc. We want to always take vacations for just the two of us, weekend getaways, time to reunite and remember why we love each other. One way in which we have chosen to honor this promise is by celebrating our anniversary each year. Last year, you may remember, we splurged big time for our first anniversary and went on a seven day cruise in the Caribbean. This year, we knew we didn't want anything that extravagant, but we still wanted some time for just the two of us. So what to do?

We have been fortunate to receive a fabulous Christmas gift for the last several years: a gift card to Buckhead Life Restaurant Group. We never used our gift card from the previous year, so we decided Atlanta would be a great place to relax and celebrate for a few days since we could eat for free much of the trip. I really wanted to stay at the Ritz Carlton in Atlanta, as we stayed there the night we got married and had a wonderful experience. Our first trip, we didn't arrive until after one in the morning and had to be up and gone by about six if I remember correctly. So they had comped us this big beautiful suite as a room upgrade, along with champagne, rose petals and chocolate covered strawberries that my sweet groom ordered for me. But I was exhausted, and still quite nauseous, so the brief stay was kind of a blur.

At first, it looked like our plan to return to our wedding night was a flop... rates were really, REALLY high. But then I discovered the one (and only) perk of my job... Government Employee rates! Whoo hoo! We got the room for almost 50% off! So we went to Atlanta Monday and scheduled a couples massage at Massage Envy. This was Sam's first massage, and I think he was a tad bit nervous, but it was great. My massage was a little more on the intense, purposeful side rather than the soothing, relaxing side. But still a very nice start to our mini vacation. We left Massage Envy and headed to the hotel to check in.

Our room wasn't a suite this time as we are trying to pinch pennies as much as possible right now. At first I was going to say that a standard room at the Ritz isn't really worth it. It's really just a basic room in the midst of a beautiful hotel. It doesn't have the luxurious bathroom that the suite has (bummer). So I was initially kind of sad and thankful that we had gotten such a great deal! But then the Ritz royal treatment began.... more on that later.

Vacations for Sam and I tend to circle around the food, and this one was no different. We were both really excited to try out some new restaurants in Atlanta. Sam and I headed out to Nava for our first night out. This is a high end Southwestern dining restaurant. They describe themselves as "innovative and flavorful... [with] Latin influences". It was a beautiful night, so we decided to eat out on the patio. The food was amazing, (pictures below) and as I cannot get pregnant for the next eighty six days at least, I even allowed myself a treat: Sam and I split a margarita (I would be toast if I had a whole one).

Before Heading out for Dinner

Mango Pineapple Margarita

Mojo Skirt Steak & Cilantro Garlic Frites

72 Hour Marinated Hangar Steak & Parmesan Fries

Leftover (oops) Banana Caramel Dessert

Now, back to the Ritz experience: We headed back to the hotel because A- Sam and I are boring and wouldn't know what to do in Atlanta after nine o' clock anyway, and B- the NCAA National Championship was on! To my surprise we walked in to this:

The Ritz always comes in to turn down you bed, but this was really unexpected! So beautiful! I made Sam sit in the chair to watch the game until we were ready for bed!

We woke up Tuesday morning headed out for breakfast. Let me tell you, we stumbled upon the CUTEST little place, and they had GREAT prices. West Egg Cafe is adorable, the food was great! The waiters were great and added to the overall experience. Lovely little place. If you're ever in the area, check them out!

Belgian Waffel with Honey Cinnamon Butter

Skillet Potatoes with Cheese, Bacon, and Eggs

After breakfast we went to the Georgia Aquarium. Sam and I had been before, years ago when it first opened. It was over Christmas break and the aquarium was still getting lots of hype... it was slammed. I remember sam offered to put me on his shoulders so I could see the tanks (I declined). This time sadly started off down the same road. I wasn't thinking when I planned the aquarium that 90% of Georgia schools would be out for Spring break... we arrived to a huge line! I really, REALLY wanted to see the Dolphin Tales. However, it was booked for the first showtime, and we didn't have enough time to stay until the next. So though I was bummed, there was a blessing in disguise: it appeared that everyone else there did manage to get tickets to the show. Once the show started, the place cleared out. We were able to see the whole aquarium at our own pace and get right up to the glass. My favorite exhibit is still the otters. They are too stinking cute!

After the Aquarium, we went to Atlantic Station to spend the afternoon. We went back to the Bodies exhibit. I'm so sad that we never made it to Dialog in the Dark, which left just a few short weeks ago. But the Bodies Exhibit is always cool. The best part. I have no need for an audio tour... the hubs knows just about everything I could ever want to know! The coolest thing is always the circulatory room. It is simply mind boggling to see human veins and arteries alone, just floating in a box. My favorite room was surprisingly the reproductive room (more on this later). Ultimately, we had a great time exploring the exhibit, pretty much by ourselves. Sweet!

After Bodies, we were hungry so we walked over to CPK for a quick bite to eat before going to a movie. Sam had purchased a set of Regal movie tickets through Deals Plus a while ago, and we had yet to use them. We ended up seeing 21 Jump Street. This movie was fairly raunchy, and quite dumb as I think all of Jonah Hill's movies are, but it was admittedly funny. Despite myself, I did laugh quite a bit. I also learned something: movie etiquette in Atlanta requires that you NOT observe the quiet rule. Instead you are to comment on everything and talk to your friends as well as the movie characters throughout the entire movie. But still, we had a good time.

After the movie, we wandered around Atlantic Station as we sipped on some iced Starbucks to cool off! After we had browsed our way around, we went back to the hotel to get changed for dinner. That night we headed to the Atlanta Fish Market. This casual seafood restaurant has tons of options... the menu is dizzying. Sam and I stuffed ourselves full.

Calamari

Flash Fried Lobster Tail

Strawberry Margarita

Blackened Swordfish

Broiled Mahi- Mahi

Happy 2nd Anniversary!

After dinner we went back to the room to toast our anniversary with a complimentary bottle of champagne. I'll admit, we smiled, sipped, and poured the rest out. I was hoping I would have acquired a taste for it since the last attempt, but alas, this bubbly drink is still repulsive to me! Regardless, it was a very sweet gift from the hotel staff.

Wednesday morning we went out for breakfast at another Buckhead Life place: the Corner Cafe. This place was definitely yummy, but kind of a letdown. The food was delicious and the portions were huge, but it was surprisingly pricey. I don't usually pay this much for dinner when we go out to eat, let alone breakfast. Glad it was on a gift card!

Pancakes, Sausage & Cheese Grits

White Chocolate French Toast

After breakfast, we went to Solomon Brothers to get our rings cleaned... sparkly! And then we went to Lenox mall to shop around. We made one fabulous purchase... A- it was free! B- I've been looking for this for a long time.

We got the medium size lantern (for free) and my plan is to find a simple vase to showcase the sugar flowers from our wedding cake. I'll post a picture of the final later.

To cap off our time in Atlanta, we went to the Cheesecake factory. Sam's groom's cake was an assortment of cheesecakes at our wedding, so in honor of anniversary number two, we decided to share a slice. We didn't have time to eat there, as we had to get back to rescue our demon dog before an additional day of boarding fees were charged. But mmmm, Fresh Banana Cream Cheesecake is scrumptious!

And that's it ladies and gentleman, that is how Sam and I celebrated our second anniversary.

Now let me take a brief moment to tell of all the many blessings we received this past year in our marriage. Sam finished his first year of PT school (such a relief) and successfully passed his first clinical. Sam has also done WONDERFULLY in his second year of PT school, making excellent grades each semester. Sam had the opportunity to travel to Haiti for his first mission trip. Family and friends were so generous and Sam had an amazing time. It was an eye opening experience for him and the Lord really spoke to him during his time there. As for me, this year has been incredibly tough for me. We literally spent eleven of the past twelve months trying to conceive our first child. I lost our first baby, and I have begun to deal with the diagnosis of infertility. But through all of this I have been reminded again and again, that my husband is such an incredible man. He has been my blessing this year. It is not every lady who has a man who will simply hold her while she cries, make her smile or laugh when the tears have faded, listen to countless hours of hypothesizing and questioning the meaning of it all. No, not every man can quietly, stoically deal with a wife dangling from the edge of depression, but Sam has, and he has kept me sane through this overwhelming journey. I have truly been blessed in this marriage with an amazing, amazing partner to walk this journey with.