Three Strikes and You're Out

Beta Test Results: Negative (again)

I was prepared for this, but it still hurts. I don't know what went wrong this cycle, but it seemed destined to fail from the beginning. I never spot; I'm a full flow, no flow kind of girl. This cycle, I had a full flow for four days (normal) and then came the spotting that did not end. Well it did, but it seemed like it was never-ending at the time. I was spotting from CD5 through CD11. I was kind of worried so I contacted my nurse, and she informed me it was fine, but that I would probably ovulate late. Cue my freakout when I got a positive OPK on CD13.

Post- IUI I spotted on CD20, 21, 24, & 25. And it ranged in color, no consistency. I had some "early pregnancy symptoms" such as spotting (could have been implantation, right?), light twinges in my lower abdomen, cramping, headaches, and fatigue. Most of these can be explained by one simple thing… my period. I think my body was ready to move on pretty early this round. My guess is that this would have been one of my 7-8 day luteal phases, but because of the progesterone, the period has been kept at bay. I fully expect it to roar through like a freight train as soon as the progesterone vacates my blood stream.

What's next for the Greavu's? Well for starters, there is going to be a big old pity party starring me. It's going to be an "it's my party, and I'll cry if I want to" kind of deal. Should be fun. From there, I'm going to do as many things as possible that I didn't let myself do during this cycle, starting with a loonnngggg hot bubble bath. If only I liked wine enough to indulge in that during my bath, alas!

After I've sobbed,  and wailed, and cried, and walked around in a general funk for a few days, I'll try to remember what life was like pre-fertility treatments because that was it for us for awhile. This isn't something we want. This isn't a self-induced break, this is a we are out of money break. Yay!

So, next steps include a consultation, wait, no, THE consultation, at the end of November in which our doctor tells us she has no idea why 3 IUI's failed, but we should move on to IVF. Joy. After that begins the second and third opinion part. It's not really the opinions we are after; I'll be surprised if any one says, "you don't need IVF". No, we are actually after the numbers. Numbers preceded by dollar signs. We've decided to check around our area to make sure that we have the best fit for us before starting IVF, but we also need a number that we can save towards.

So that's it for us. I'm sure you'll hear from my old broken heart some more in the coming days. For now, I'm off to indulge and star in my very own pity party.