Working Woman

Sheesh! You guys, I'm tired. Like crazy tired. Operation "go back to work" has commenced and I'm freaking exhausted! 40 hours will kill you, I tell you! Which is why I've always been a big supporter of four day work weeks (not four tens, just four days. less is more.) I'm also a fan of naps. Spain has got the right idea with the whole siesta thing. Smart stuff!

It did not help that I'm currently commuting to work... forty-five minutes in and an hour and twenty-five out. That makes for a crazy long day. People who commute are insane. There's not really even bad traffic for my drive, mostly just long boring roads. I've got nothing on those crazy people who tackle metro-Atlanta traffic. That stuff is intense. I would freaking lose my mind. I can't fathom the kind of salary that would be required for me to add two plus hours to my day, plus the stress of dealing with the crazies who share the road. I'm thinking double... double, and I might consider sacrificing my sanity. Anyway, the good news is that we should only have another week of this nonsense, well four days to be exact. Next Friday is my laparoscopy (AHHHHHH!!!) and then, the following Monday, I should have a nice little commute within the city of Athens. Lovely.

It also didn't help that I started my period this week. Yep, for all of you out there who thought, "hmmmm, there was an awful lot of good for the Greavu's all of a sudden, I wonder if they are pregnant." Don't worry, you weren't the only ones. I did, in fact, ovulate during that special ten day stretch of wonder, but alas, I'm not pregnant. There's nothing like starting your period on your first day of your new job... oh wait, yes there is, starting your period during National Infertility Awareness Week. Nothing makes you more aware of your membership to the "infertile club" than the start of your twenty third cycle since trying to concieve.

All of that added together makes for one very tired working woman. I'm sure I'll get in the swing of things again soon; I mean, I have done this before, but in the interim, I'm falling asleep each night waiting on dinner. Nice, huh? I thought so. So you can guess what I'm doing this weekend... sleeping. I fully intend to sleep-in Saturday and to follow that up with a nap. Beautiful!

I've also got a LOT of projects going on. Most are kind of silly and frivolous, just some pinterest projects to make the new place look more like home. Plus, Sam and I nabbed a table and chairs off craigslist for a steal of a deal. We're going to refinish them to look a little more like us. I'll display all of my craftiness at a later date I assure you.

So that's it! I'm off to rest and craft, rest and craft, and then rest some more only to grumble on Sunday night that weekends are too short. Hope you enjoy your weekend!

Happy Birthday Boo Boo

Happy Birthday Everest!

My precious kitty cat is four years old today. I'm not happy about it. How come she has to age so fast? Why can't she stay young forever? Ughhhh! I'm not ready for my babies to grow old.

Everest is a funny little kitty, and she deserves a spotlight on the blog. Her little younger brother takes the spotlight all too often for his antics. Everest is my second Himalayan cat. I purchased her from a breeder about five months after my first cat, Soo Ming, died. Soo Ming was the BEST cat ever, so I knew I wanted another Himalayan. And we found Everest. 

Everest was described to me as being an eight month old male seal point. Soo Ming was a blue point female. I wasn't too sure about this dark male beast, but I went to see her in Alabama anyway. And she was GORGEOUS! I was scared she'd darken with time, but she has stayed mostly white and kept her "points" clearly marked. Oh, and she's a girl. That's right. I brought her home, took her to get her boy parts chopped off and after opening her up, they found, ahem, the wrong parts. They called to inform me that my he was a she and that she was in heat. Lovely. It's a miracle she wasn't pregnant after running around with all those unfixed show kitties at the house.

Life with Everest is kind of a mess. She came to me already eating people food. The first time I sat down to eat a plate of chicken tenders on the couch, she hopped up and proceeded to step on to my plate so she could get chicken. Boo Boo LOVES chicken. And yes, I call her Boo Boo. Everest was picked out after muuccchhhh debate, but when we thought she was a boy. Changing her name was too daunting, so she's still Everest. My nicknames for animals don't' normally make sense anyway. Soo Ming was call Soo Soo, Sooey, and eventually Tootles. Sterling is most commonly called Turtle. Everest comes to either name. She's smart enough to handle both. She also loves pork chops. One night, when she was about ten months old, I came upstairs to find her ATTACKING a bone-in pork chop. I still, to this day, have no idea where or how she got it from the kitchen through the living room into the foyer and up all the stairs. Like I said, she's a mess.

She's SUPER affectionate. To me. Other people, ehhhh. She likes her dad okay. When the term "scaredy cat" was made, they were talking about her. She's scared out of her mind of strangers, and by strangers I mean anyone she doesn't see everyday. She's very vocal, meaning she meow's at the top of her lungs if she doesn't get her way. She's mostly calm, chill, and lazy. But then all of a sudden she'll have spurts of crazy energy where she'll race through the house and chase Sterling. 

Here are a few photos from over the years:

And here is what poor Everest's life is like ever since we brought her brother home…

Happy Birthday Boo Bear, mommy loves you!

Join the Movement

Today kicks off National Infertility Awareness Week, or if you're in the know, NIAW. Infertiles everywhere are in the know; e-blasts from organizations like Resolve and our RE's offices keep it ever present in our minds in the month of April. I've been thinking all month about what I wanted to do to mark this week, and I still haven't thought of anything. Sorry, no great ideas here. I feel like I've joined the movement. I feel like I've educated people via this blog and conversations in real life. Sure, I could spend more time being an annoying pest to me representatives on Capital Hill, but it's not really my thing. I guess I could wear a t-shirt advocating infertility, but well, I don't have one. Let me know if you see a cool one.

However, in light of this year's theme and the call to "enhance public understanding", I thought I'd offer myself up to the "public" (i.e. everyone not dealing with a diagnosis of infertility) as your infertile representative. If you have a question about infertility, about treatments, about my journey, or the life of a "typical" infertile, here's your chance. I encourage you to comment on the blog (it doesn't hurt, I promise). I'll do my very best to answer any burning questions you may have.

Also this week is mostly about education and advocation, however I encourage you to do something. If you are not infertile, but you know someone who is, I can guarantee you that a kind word goes along way. So if your friend blogs, leave a comment, even if that's "not your thing", just do it. Tell them you care. If they don't blog, send them a private message on Facebook or an email just to say you're thinking of them. Buy them a coffee (decaf please), give them a hug, send them flowers, buy them some prenatal vitamins. Find some way of telling your friends, that no matter where in their journey they may be on the roller coaster of infertility, that you care, that they matter, and that you support them.

And remember, infertility affects 1 in 8 couples. The odds are that you do know someone who is living with infertility.

Doctors are Confusing

Have you ever left an doctor's appointment (infertility or otherwise) going "huh"? That's how I felt from start to finish today. Today was supposed to be my consultation/pre-op. It turned into utter confusion. When I called several weeks ago, I talked with the nurse about my interest in possibly doing a laparoscopy. We had talked about it over, and over, and over again, with all of the doctors we've seen. Everyone's (wait, doctors agree?) initial consensus was postpone, not to do surgery, I'd get pregnant on my own. My doctor at ACRM eventually came around after the three failed IUI's to thinking an exploratory lap might be a good idea… and then I left. My current doctor at RBA initially said wait as he could not see any evidence of endo. But then my last appointment, after the CA-125 results came back, he felt more optimistic (err, justified?) in doing a lap. We discussed that I was in the gray zone and that there is just no way to know without surgery.

So I went back and forth for months, finally got the nerve to call, but wanted to chat about risks vs rewards before going under the knife. My nurse assured me the best method was to schedule surgery and set up a consultation. She then said if I decide to do the surgery, I can go ahead and have pre-op the same day. Thus today's appointment was born scheduled.

I got there and I swear, after "How are you?" came, "I'm not so sure about a lap". WHAT?!?!?! So we spent the entire consult talking about everything under the sun. I'm coming to the conclusion that unexplained patients should just be scheduled for two appointment blocks… there's too much to talk about when you know NOTHING and need to try EVERYTHING. By the time we discussed my cycles and pain levels and looked back through my charts, he had re-convinced himself that a laparoscopy is a viable option. He doesn't think it's necessary but he does think it would be nice to know one way or another.

And that's exactly where I sit. I'll feel like a fool if I have the surgery and he finds NOTHING. But, if I don't do the surgery, and we move onto IVF and it F-A-I-L-S, I'll always wonder if there was a reason it didn't implant. Doing the surgery will give me zero piece of mind until the surgery is over, but after, I'll know, and for me, I just gotta know.

But after we chatted about our favorite topics of Endo, PCOS, IVF, IUI's Varicocelectomies, and money, we had exceeded our allotted appointment time and I never got to the pre-op part. UGH! Thankfully, my surgery is scheduled at noon, so they let me squeeze it in that morning so I don't have to take any more time off from my new job. The minus is that I feel inadequately prepared going in. I never asked how many surgeries he's done, or what the risks are, or what to expect… nothing. The positive is this: the less I know, the less likely I am to back out. So I'm going to stay clear of blogs like my friend Erika's where she explains the process and the recovery… once back through was enough, I just need to remember she's still alive, and move on.

So what else did we come up with in that exceptionally confusing appointment? I'm so glad you're interested/nosy/concerned because I'm going to tell you:

• I'm going on something called Pregnitude. I had heard another blogger mention it, like, once… I was skeptical then, and I still am. I'll admit I'm not a big supplement girl. Some people love doctors who prescribe "alternative treatments". I like doctor's who prescribe medicine… or better yet, fix it with neither. I'm just not very big on taking pills of any kind beyond vitamins, and even then, I'm embarrassed to tell other TTCers what I take, because compared the their extensive lists, I take the equivalent of a Flintstone vitamin. But whatever, Dr. Slayden feels confident and says he's getting great results since he started using it (I failed to ask if that was last year of last week. Yay for being a guinea pig).
• We're moving ahead with the laparoscopy. Oh, and a hysteroscopy. Oh, and a D&C. I thought he didn't think he'd find anything. Go big or go home, I guess.
• We'll consider doing ovulation induction IMMEDIATELY following the lap. 

He said my greatest chance of getting pregnant without IVF will come from this combination:

Laparoscopy + D&C + Pregnitude + Metformin + Femara/Clomid + IUI

Apparently, endo or no endo, following a D&C, they see about a 10% increase in a woman's chances in the following cycle. So add all of that nonsense together, and well it seems like I should be at 50%, but it's probably more like 20%.

I haven't worked though my feelings on doing another IUI. My gut tells me no. We don't get great post wash counts and its expensive… it would just delay IVF. But the other stuff, I'm okay with. I left today with assurances that I'll be calling to cancel the Lap any day because I'm pregnant… Oh, Dr. Slayden, the eternal optimist.

Insurance Headaches

When I start my new job, I'll drop the super expensive coverage I've maintained through COBRA for the last 8 months and move to the coverage offered by my employer. It's a different insurance provider, different policy, different everything. I'm not sure what my infertility coverage might be, but I doubt it's more than what I currently have, which is diagnostics only. But regardless of what the coverage is, I'm afraid that they won't cover anything because of the whole "pre-existing condition" thing. Now, as far as IVF and further treatment, I'm not concerned because, well, they can't cover less than nothing, and that's what my current insurance policy will cover. But what I am afraid of it this: I'm concerned that as we approach IVF or after IVF fails, my doctor will ask for additional tests. As we can all attest, lab work can be crazy expensive, so I'd like to preempt this scenario by asking for any tests at my appointment on Monday.

So give me some feedback: What have you had tested? What test do you want? Is there a test that was a game changer for you?

This is what I've had tested thus far:

Hormones:

• AMH- 5.7, 2.54, 4.3
• FSH- 5.9, 8.1
• LH
• prolactin- 15.55, 15.0, 12.6
• testosterone- 28.91, 31.5
• TSH- 1.75, 2.34, 1.99
• Estradiol

Clotting Disorders:

• Factor V Leiden
• Anticardiolipin
• Homocystine Plasma
• Protein S Panel
• Antithrombin III
• Protein C Deficiency

General Health:

• blood counts
• thyroid function
• liver function
• kidney function
• cholesterol
• blood sugar
• vitamin D levels
• iron levels

Infectious Diseases:

• Hepatitis B
• Hepatitis C
• HIV
• Rapid Plasma Reagin (syphilis) 
• Rubella

Genetic Testing:

• Cystic Fibrosis
• Fragile X Syndrome
• Alpha-Thalassemia
• Beta- Thalassemia
• Sickle Cell
• Canavan Disease
• Familial Dysautonomia
• Tay-Sachs Disease

Miscellaneous:

• Hysterosalpingogram
• Chlamydia antibodies
• CA-125- 39.6

Blue Skies Smiling at Me

Remember how I said that there were some good things coming to the Greavu's? Well praise the Lord, some good things have arrived!

First of all, Sam accepted a job. Not just any job, but a FANTASTIC job! We were really so blessed to be in the opportunity to choose between jobs. I mean, it's 2013, we're in a recession post-recession double-dip financial crisis time where employment is hard to come by. Who gets offered TWO careers? Apparently people in the medical field. As I stated before, most of the opportunities in Colorado that we were pursuing kind of fizzled out. The one that looked promising was in a less than ideal location, Colorado Springs, (we want Fort Collins or Loveland areas) and the salary was less. Significantly less. So despite the cool factor of living in Colorado and the awesome factor of going to CCRM, we decided to X that one. That left us with two solid opportunities here; both of which offered Sam a position. We seriously felt like we couldn't go wrong. Both are really solid businesses, run by really awesome guys, with really promising futures. It was a tough decision for Sam to make, but ultimately, we are THRILLED with our decision!

Secondly, I GOT A JOB! No seriously, I got a job. It was kind of a whirlwind of a week. Sam made his decision on Wednesday, I woke up to an email on Thursday telling me that I was the top candidate and to hold tight. Friday I accepted a position! Sweet!

Are you ready for this? On top of all of that awesomeness, I met with my old boss from my college years and he wants me to come back and do graphic design work! I'm ECSTATIC! I love working with him and the entire church! It's really a dream place to work. It's only part-time, so I'm going to do both: full time job during the workweek, and part time job at night or on the weekends.

And to top it all off, the last piece of good news is this: we found a home to rent in Athens. As I mentioned before, this process can be terrible. Particularly in a college town where rental units are often not cared for, expensive, and occupied. We decided to live well below our means for the next year in the hopes that we can accomplish two things: IVF and a down payment for a house. If both of those things happen in a year, I'll be blown away, but we decided to go for it and give it everything we've got. We're not getting any younger!

So there: after a lot of not so great news, and months of waiting, we smashed a heck of a lot of EXCELLENT news into ten days! Things are looking up and we're EXCITED!!!!

Three Years to Celebrate

We made a rule in our house before we ever got married. It goes something like this:

We will ALWAYS celebrate our anniversary. 

We made a promise to each other over three years ago that no matter how busy our lives get or how difficult it is to get away from the kids (what kids?) that we will always take time to get away and celebrate another year of marriage. The previous anniversaries were pretty special. First we went on a cruise. And then we went to Atlanta and stayed at the Ritz Carlton. I knew several months ago that this anniversary wasn't going to be anything like those. We simply don't have the funds. But I really didn't want to break the promise either, I mean, we don't even have five kids to find a babysitter for. What's our excuse?

I started looking into some cheap cabins in the north Georgia mountains. I figured we could pull together a couple hundred dollars if we really, really tried so that we could have a nice, relaxing weekend. I was discussing our plans with the girls in my small group when one of them said that her in-laws own a lake house. Well don't you know, those people are extra generous and they let Sam and I stay for free! We were so blessed!

But wait, back up… I haven't told you about our actual anniversary. We went down to Atlanta to eat on our anniversary. This is the first year that we haven't been able to link up the getaway with the actual day, but it still turned out nice. We ate at Ruth's Chris in Buckhead. Every year for Christmas, my step-dad gets us a gift certificate to an Atlanta restaurant. It's a pretty sweet gift. We would never go to these places without that gift card, so it's a really nice treat. We had never been to Ruth's Chris before, so it was a lot of fun.

The food is, of course, delicious. And expensive. Like holy cow expensive… like really, was the cow holy? Because it sure costs enough! But still, very tasty. I'll be honest and say there were a few things I didn't love about the restaurant. Firstly, the cost. It's even more  expensive than out favorite Atlanta steakhouse, Chops, which I didn't think was possible. Secondly, the plates. The plates that the steaks are served on are 500 degrees!!! I get that this is their claim to fame, but seriously, it was like having a weapon on the table. Even knowing they are scorching hot, it's tough to reach around and not brush the plate. Sam bumped his and informed me that yes, they are hot. Can you imagine kids at the table????

Anyway, here's our spread:

top left: Calamari, bottom left: Lobster Mac & Cheese
top right: sizzling plate o' steak, middle right: pommes frites,
bottom right: chocolate mousse cheesecake

Friday morning we packed our bags, kissed Sterling and Everest goodbye, and headed to the lake house. It's a lovely place on a little lake just north of Atlanta. We spent Friday picking up some groceries, taking the paddle boats out, enjoying the hot tub, and going out to dinner! Dinner was great! We found a cute little restaurant in Canton called Downtown Kitchen. It was a great find! Apparently the teenagers think so too (or maybe their moms?) as the Canton homeschool coalition was having prom above us. Haha! So fun! We left and one of the boys was outside smoking (shame on him) in a CAMO VEST with his tux!!! Ahhh! I wish I had been brave enough to snap a picture! Anyway, I digress, the food was delicious, as you can see:

Saturday we were extra lazy. We lounged on the porch in a swing, canoed, interrupted a goose mating dance, lounged in the hot tub, watched Game of Thrones, took the paddle boat out, met a duck, cooked dinner, and watched the Final Four! Yea, the NCAA tournament is always a part of our festivities. Way back when, I made the mistake of scheduling our wedding on the Final Four (my bad, it's not a holiday on the calendar). Which means that there were TV's at my wedding reception, we spent Monday of our honeymoon ordering in pizza, and every year since we've spent either Saturday or Monday holed up inside instead of out on the town. But whatever, it's a fun tradition.

top left to right clockwise: morning porch swing, Fried Chicken,
relaxing in the hammock, our duck friend, Sweet Potato Fries,
hot tub fun, Blackened Shrimp Pasta, cheesy self-photo

So yay for us, we managed to celebrate with some style thanks to some penny pinching, gift cards, and our incredible hosts for the weekend! I'm calling anniversary #3 a success!

A Look Back

Everyone's asking, and as it is still my anniversary, I broke out the wedding CD's just for your viewing pleasure. The pictures make the day look a lot more together than it really was. Thankfully, my photographers didn't capture all of the behind the scenes moments, like running two hours late due to my hair, or sinking three inches in red Georgia clay because I was silly enough to wear ivory stiletto heels outside in the woods. However, looking back, it tells the story of a pretty special day. Hope you enjoy!

Also, we looked this good in huge part to some really spectacular photographers! All of these photos are by Chris + Allie Bartelski of  the*Reason.

For Better of For Worse

It's my anniversary. Three years since we said "I do" on a beautiful spring evening before our family, friends, and the Lord.

"First Look" captured by the*Reason

I'd love to write this whole post about how incredible these three years have been, but honestly, some of it has been pretty tough.

Immediately following our honeymoon we moved away from all of our family and friends to Augusta, a city we never really learned to love. Those initial months were difficult as we learned to balance married life with grad school life. But then we found our rhythm and life was really beautiful. We were blessed to live in "our first home", find employment, buy a monster puppy, and finish a year of grad school.

And then we pulled the goalie. Sam started his second year of grad school as we returned from our first anniversary cruise, and we kicked the condoms to the curb. Soon after we had the hardest month of our marriage, possibly our lives. We miscarried. Since then, life has been a whirlwind, particularly this past year.

Our third year of marriage began with a lot of hope. We went to our first RE appointment. We decided to start more advanced treatment. Sam completed his final semester of classes. We moved from Augusta. We had a lot of really really good things going for us.

And then treatment failed, and failed, and failed. I can't really explain the affect the three failed IUI's had on me, and thus our marriage. We've been given fair odds at becoming parents, but for a price. A price we can't currently fathom.

Our third year had a lot of "for worse" in it. We lived with one set of parents or the other for eight of those months. We've lived on student loans alone for so long we don't remember what "date night" is. And we can't even remember what two pink lines look like. The worse sucks.

When does the better start? We are really, really hopeful that year number four is going to be great. There are a lot of things to be excited about, so lets take a look at some of those:

• Sam will accept an offer TODAY for his first job as a physical therapist.
• We will move OUT of my mom's house and IN to a house in Athens
• I will get a job (the odds are high within a year, right?)
• We WILL pay for IVF
• We might get pregnant
• And if we're really, really blessed, we might buy a house within the next year.

Basically, all of that is to say that, yeah, there has been a lot more "for worse" in our short marriage than "for better". We never thought life could be this complex or painful in our twenties, but it is, and it has been. But the really cool part about marriage: you've got somebody to walk through the "for worse" with. And when the "for better" comes, that person understands better than anyone else how much you have to celebrate!

I'm so thankful that we are both in this thing for better or for worse. For richer or for poorer. In sickness and in health. Because we've dealt with all of that in our three short years. Life isn't a cake walk. The streets of life are not paved in gold. But I am oh so very thankful to have Sam by my side through all of these early unforeseen bumps. I have no idea what tomorrow may hold, but I feel truly blessed to face whatever comes with my husband at my side.

Happy Anniversary to the love of my life! I'm so blessed to call you mine! I'm so lucky to be in love with my best friend!