Wonderful Weekends

SOOO! The last couple of weekends have been amazing! Now some may say that I'm currently living one giant weekend as I'm not going into work. They would be WRONG! Can I get an "Amen" from the stay at home moms? Totally a difference. But the last two weekends were definitely what weekends were made for. 

Last Friday was our 5th anniversary. Obviously we couldn't do much, but I'm pleased to say that we did celebrate. We're five for five on our commitment to celebrate our anniversary each year. This year we decided that each of us could use some time to relax, so Sam went to play a round of golf and I got a massage and a facial. Golf is Sam's happy place... He LOVES it, but it's like the most expensive hobby ever, so he rarely gets to play. I LOVE massages, but that's definitely a luxury thing for me... my last one was for our second anniversary, three years ago. While we were out for the day, Sam's mom kept Little Man for us. That afternoon we picked him up and went over to my mom's. She kindly offered to watch him for the night, so we went out to dinner at Bonefish and then spent the night at Chateau Elan. Chateau Elan is literally across the street from my mom's subdivision, so we were approximately three minutes away. It was nice to be close enough that I could relax, but separate enough that we could enjoy each other and celebrate five years together. It wasn't the most glamorous anniversary, but I'm really proud that we found a way to keep our promise for another year. I don't have any photos though, so you'll have to just trust me that it happened. 

On Saturday, the day after our anniversary my mom hosted a baby shower for us. It was really wonderful! She worked really hard on decorations, and the house was BEAUTIFUL! It was a really special day for our family and family friends to come meet Garrison and shower our family with love. 

Mom thoroughly enjoyed making a gazillion tissue paper flowers

The beautiful spread

Our one any only interest flop… Mom's goal were those tulle balloons you see
everywhere. FYI… they don't float. Like at all. So some gold spray paint to the rescue.

Sam had present duty for approximately one gift before he vacated the seat of honor

Happy little Greavu family

Mom was really wise (and awesome) and used items that I wanted
for his nursery for the shower decorations. This little
elephant will now take up residence in the nursery.

Sunday was Easter and Garrison's first time at church. We decided to take him to Waumba Land (preschool) as a packed auditorium and a screaming baby sounds awful. 

When you can't hunt Easter eggs, Easter is kind of a snooze.

He got the royal treatment complete with VIP stickers, an "Athens, I love You" onesie, and a sticker to celebrate his first time in Waumba Land. 

I wanted one of him awake, but first days at church are exhausting.

I think I was a good bit more excited about his first day in Waumba, as he pretty much snoozed. For me, this was a very long awaited day. I've served in the preschool ministry since August of 2012. I've watched hundreds of pregnant bellies and baby carriers walk past my door every Sunday for years. But even more, every Sunday for years, I've checked myself in only to have the parent pickup sticker print. Sunday after Sunday, I've simply thrown that part away, but no longer. 

I'll be needing that parent pickup sticker now!

It was a really incredible weekend. One filled with long awaited dreams come true, redemption, and lots of celebrations! It was also pretty crazy to think that this time next year we'll have a one year old to celebrate Easter with. Still surreal to think that this is my life. 

Yesterday my sweet friends here in Athens through me a second baby shower. These ladies have been some of my biggest supporters and cheerleaders over the last few years. In a lot of ways, Garrison is the fruits of their labor as they have spent countless hours in prayer for our family. It was so special to get to celebrate with them and introduce him to the answer to their prayers.

Beautiful (and delicious) cupcakes by my friend, Laura.
Notice that she wrote a bazillion nicknames for Garrison.

The beautiful spread of food. My friend, Danielle, has
THE BEST house. Seriously. Add that she and her husband are
great cooks, and well, they could sell tickets to be friends with them.

Some of the beautiful decorations that the girls came up with…
don't be jealous, my friend Kristin is a ridiculously
popular interior designer.

The remaining Athenian members of my original small group…
love these girls to pieces!

Current small group (minus one). So thankful for each of these ladies!

These weekends have been so special! I wasn't sure if I'd ever get to have a baby shower… kind of a always the bridesmaid, never the bride, type of deal. But now I've had TWO and they were both so special! And while it makes for a rough first few weeks, it's pretty awesome to have your baby with you at the baby shower. We're so, so thankful for the outpouring of love and gifts we've received since bringing Garrison home. He's going to be one well dressed  and well read little dude. 

Summer Days Drifting Away

I've been an atrocious blogger this summer. I think to myself, "Amanda, you should blog," but then I think, "ehh, nothing to say and I just blogged a few days ago." I then look on Blogger, and lo and behold, I blogged three weeks ago. Whoopsie! But then I remind myself that I have nothing to say and I move on with my day. That's been the pattern for the last few months. I'm blaming it on the following:

1. ZERO activity in infertility treatments
2. LOTS of time spent working on the house
3. work has been INSANE this summer
4. nothing worth saying

When you work full time (and you're not a teacher) and you're not a mom, summer is REALLY unglamorous. The days look like every other day of the year with even less holidays (only ONE holiday, really???)... it's just a lot hotter. Add in the boredom of zero vacations and well, believe me, you're grateful I didn't blog a lot.

But, the good news is that fall is just around the corner, or so I keep telling myself. Kids actually started back to school in Georgia today! UGA starts back up two weeks from Monday. It has even felt a bit like fall lately... I'm not necessarily hoping for a bitter winter, but I'm okay if summer ends and fall starts like, oh I don't know, tomorrow. I'm over the heat and the humidity and high power bills. I could really use a good 3-4 months of needing no AC or heat... my bank account would really appreciate it.

Plus fall brings an assortment of other good things that I'm looking forward to, such as football (we got tickets this year), our annual camping trip with the Fentons, and I'm also hoping to get a few photo sessions in the fall... it's been waaayyyyy too long. I would typically mention all the birthdays (my mom, myself and my husband are all within nine days), but I can already feel the mid-life crisis brewing. This is NOT going to be a good birthday for me, so I may just sleep through that day... it feels like the mature thing to do.

In other news, despite all of my budget woes and big ticket items like HVAC units, it appears that we're going to be okay. I mean, it's not like we've got savings or anything... I'm not even sure what that feels like. Retirement... what's that? 401K... in our dreams. We're still in debt, but it's just not as bad as I thought. Thanks to a couple of raises, and some generous family, we might be debt free (I use that term so loosely) in the next couple of months. I can't even explain what a GIANT answer to prayer this is. Once we finally pay off our credit cards, I have some big news... that's all I'm saying for now. I hope you like surprises and anticipation and all of that... if not, forget I said anything.

The only other thing I've got for you is a request to go show some love to my friends! Jessah is pregnant after SIX YEARS and an incredibly long, bumpy journey, so go send her love and hugs and warm wishes and all of that stuff. And my last request: say a prayer and think positive thoughts for my friend, Erika. She's in the process of adopting again after a heartbreaking failed adoption last fall. The baby is due on Monday and I, for one, am desperate for this to work. It's been six years for Erika as well... it's time people, it's time. That's really about all I have for you, today. And really, I'm patting myself on the back for even getting this together. Much love people, much love.

Moving On

First of all, I just have to say thank you all so much for your comments from the last post. I guess maybe we all feel that way now and then… good to know. I got a ton of emails from ladies who don't blog but just felt that they had to share that they too had felt that way. Bless you all. I'll never take for granted the physical, in real life friends that I've been blessed with… there's nothing like a real hug. But just in case there was any doubt, Tuesday's comments sealed the deal… infertile sisters, you are my people. Infertility has molded me and changed me until I am a different person, and anyone who hasn't walked this road will never understand me, not really. It is a beautiful thing to know and be known. So thank you all for not hating me for the truth, the truth that sometimes I'm a wee bit jealous.

In case you've been living under a rock, or maybe you live in a county other than the US (I think I have a few Canadian, Australian and Russian readers), the South was hit with Snowpocalypse 2014, on Tuesday. Which means we got between trace amounts and, oh, about four inches of snow. Athens got the good part, the part that gets you out of work but not stuck for 10+ hours in your car. Have mercy. I'm the first to admit that Southerners are hilarious when it comes to snow. Like A snowflake falls and they all lose their minds, rush to the store and buy milk and bread… if I'm snowed in, I don't even want milk and bread. And really, do you mean to tell me that if by some miracle you really are trapped in your home for, I don't know, 36 hours, that you don't already have enough food to survive? So yeah, admittedly, Southerners have plenty of reasons to be made fun of in terms of Winter weather response. Tuesday was not one of those times. Atlanta and the surrounding areas failed miserably to respond appropriately, leaving thousands of people stuck on the interstates for hours. I can't even tell you how many people took to Facebook to find shelter for loved ones who ran out of gas or literally could not get past traffic accidents to get home. It was insane.

Meanwhile, the Greavus both made it home to share in a glorious day of nothing on Wednesday. Seriously, I didn't even get out of my pajamas until 6 o'clock (in the evening) and the only reason I did was because Sam wanted to go to the UGA basketball game. Then I came home and got back in my pajamas. Thank you snow. It was literally just what I needed. I wish I could say that after the day off I'm refreshed and ready to move on, but I'm not. Not really. I took the ultrasound photo of our two embryos being placed into my uterus off the refrigerator this morning…. I sobbed my eyes out. In addition to random outbursts of tears, I'm dealing with rage. Like fire breathing, steam boiling, RAGE. Like don't ask me for anything, or come in my personal space, or look at me the wrong way or I'm liable to rip your head off, RAGE. I'm 99% sure that this has to do with the loss of all of the hormones… everything plummeted along with my mood. At least that's what I'm telling myself. The only other option is that I'm possessed. I'm hoping that with the onset of a new cycle, the hormones will level out and life will continue at a slightly less volatile state. And hopefully I don't do any permanent damage before things return to normal.

Several of you have asked what our plans are for moving forward. Do we have frozen embryos? How many? What quality? When will we go back? Unfortunately, the news isn't that good in terms of our remaining embryos. I finally got the nerve to call and find out exactly what the grades are and well, I kind of wish I hadn't. If I was struggling to drum up enthusiasm over an FET before, I'm definitely going to struggle now. Here's the down low:

We had 18 visible follicles via ultrasound before retrieval.
Only 13 eggs were retrieved. (at least 5 follicles were empty)
Only 8 eggs were mature. (5 eggs were immature)
We transferred 2, grade 2, 8 and 12 cell embryos on day 3.
We have 6 embryos frozen on day 3 in groups of 2.
Group 1: grade 3, 9 and 8 cells
Group 2: grade 3, 8 and 4 cells
Group 3: grade 3, 6 and 3 cells

I know the grading part doesn't make a ton of sense. The grading system for day 3 embryos is confusing, even for people who understand blastocyst grades. It's so different. Essentially our first two (the two we transferred) were our best. They were both on track or ahead as far as cell division, all of the cells were the same size, and there was only minor fragmentation. Our remaining six embryos are either on track or behind in terms of growth, but the cells are not the same size, and there is some fragmentation. Day 3 embryos are supposed to have between 6 and 10 cells. Obviously, the 3 and 4 cell embryos are very behind. I honestly don't know what our chances are with any of the possible transfers. Maybe Dr. Duffy will have some insight at our follow up consultation.

As to when we will go back for our embryos, well, I really can't say. Unfortunately, everything about our time in Florida proved to be more expensive than we had planned. We spent every last penny in our IVF account and then some. So we're back at the saving up dimes and nickels stage again. I'm predicting it will cost us about $2,500 for a FET, including medications and travel. So as to when we'll have $2,500 to go again… your guess is as good as mine.

I'm in a hurry only because I'm ready to move on. I have never been more ready to move past this season of life. I'm officially tired of putting X, Y, and Z on hold for years (and years, and years) all because of infertility. If IVF in Florida with our own eggs and sperm is not going to lead to our take home baby, well I'm ready to know that so that we can move on. I really have no clue what out next, next steps would be... how long it would take... how much it would cost. I'm still trying to wrap my head around $2,500 at the moment. So yeah, we're moving on... ever so slowly. Did you really expect anything different from us?

Decorating on a Dime

I mentioned a while ago that I was crafting. It's not something that I regularly do, because lets be honest, the more fashionable it becomes to craft, the pricier it all becomes. Sure, if I had greater resources, I might accomplish more of my Pinterest dreams, but well, there are more important things most days. However, we recently moved into a super small duplex in Athens. It's not cute. It has zero charm and lots of flaws, so I decided to try to hide some of it's less desirable traits with some inexpensive craft projects. Obviously, I found all of these on Pinterest. If there is another way of finding crafts (I'm sure there is... but I can't remember. What did we do before Pinterest, again? The Martha Stewart show?) it is far too difficult. And I actually didn't even go looking for any of these. Almost all of these finds have been sitting on my board for years just waiting. So without further ado, I present to you the finished pieces.

Item 1: Shipping Pallett Wall Decor

I'm big on efficiency. It would not be efficient, but rather a giant waste of time for me to type up a how-to when I followed the instructions off of someone else's blog. I will however explain the interesting issues that I discovered in this process. First of all, my pallet looked nothing like this. It was FREE, so that was awesome, but aesthetically, it wasn't a great design. So I took it apart. Yes it took time. Yes it probably would have "worked" just fine had I left it, but my purpose wasn't just for it to "work" but rather to look cool while being functional. So I took out all of the nails, sanded the boards (no one wants splinters during the staining process), and stained them. We're on a strict budget, and as you'll see, we purchased stain for another project, so I decided to utilize the same stain. However, with the super cheap wood, the stain absorbs crazy fast, so we diluted it with mineral spirits. That seemed to work really well. However, just a word of advice, use the no/low odor stuff, otherwise your house will stink for DAYS! Once it had been stained and a coat of polyurethane had been added, we put it back together in a more attractive manor. I say we, I mean Sam. I want him to feel involved, you know?

So here it is:

Item 2: Shipping Pallet + Mason Jars= Bathroom Storage Solution

Again, I'm totally not typing up a how-to. You can read all about it. The only real difference here is that I did not have a perfectly sized pallet thing from IKEA, so my sweet husband cut a full size pallet down.. The rest is the same. It definitely solves our bathroom problems. Our bathroom has a sink with VERY little counter space and NO drawer space. So this little guy is great for things we use every day like toothbrushes, Q-tips, cottonballs, etc. It would be great to hold make-up brushes too, but I've been relegated to a different room to get ready in the morning as our bathroom is too small for us to both stand in at the same time. The only expenses were the mason jars, and the pipe fitting thingies. We used the same stain again, and as I mentioned before the pallet was FREE!

What do you think?

Item 3: Wall Art

This, I'll shamefully admit, is a copy of some girl's etsy product. I will say that I didn't realize it was a work of art someone was selling until after I'd already recreated it... oops! It was also a relatively inexpensive project (unlike her paintings). As  I was an art student once upon a time, I've got way too many blank canvases and tubes of paint lying around, so I put them to good use. I did run out of white paint, and my black was as dry as a rock, so there was minimal expense there. Bummer.

Take a look:

Item 4: Cage for the Demon Dog

A little back story: When we bought Sterling, I had some rose-colored glasses on for sure. We crate trained him, and he actually learned to sleep very peacefully in his crate after seveeral months. Sleep being the operative word. Leave him in it during waking hours, and he goes BONKERS!!! The wire crate had lost the fight by the time he was ten months old. For weeks I came home to him with wires pointed in at him all over the cage. It was basically a death trap. Needless to say, we bought him a new crate. But it's HUGE and really loud, so we didn't put it in our bedroom. We wondered, as he's SUCH a good sleeper, if he might sleep on his bed in the corner. That lasted for about a week. He went to sleep sweetly, but about 1AM he would come to MY side of the bed and nose me with his FREEZING cold nose asking, "mom, can we snuggle?". And thus began the "Sterling, on your bed." then "mom, can we snuggle?" war for the next five hours. So we hauled back out the old wire crate and he has slept in it ever since. But ughhhhh.... it's so UGLY!!! It has holes in it. It's rusty. You can see his ratty, shredded bed. I was not loving the idea of having that in our bedroom for the rest of his life. And then I found this lady, Ana White, via Pinterest. She makes the coolest things… but one was AWESOME. Her dog crate is stylish and functional. So after much begging, my husband set out to make one. Now obviously ours has to be a little larger all around… actually much taller, but we used the initial design. I think it turned out really well! It will look even better once it's painted!

Item 5: Cereal Box Monogram

Monograms are all the rage… is that a Southern thing? Do people out west or up north monogram kid's backpacks and lunch boxes? Do they slap monograms on their front door wreath or welcome mat? Anyway, I saw this and thought it was pretty cool. And it was FREE (except for the spray paint).  I learned that I am quite possible the worst at paper mache; even Sam was better at it than me! I made it significantly harder on myself than is necessary by choosing the lowercase "g"… all those curls and the weak midpoint joint made for a more frustrating project than I anticipated, but I'm semi-pleased with the final result.

Item 6: Shoebox Decor

This one was another budget friendly choice… the only cost was scrapbooking paper and I made sure I bought clearance and sale items. Again, super simple. No real explanation needed. I changed it up and used shoe boxes rather than wood as it is A-free and B- requires zero effort. The only hiccough I ran into was selecting extra large shoeboxes (I'm surrounded by big feet). It becomes a headache to piece the paper together to cover if the box is too big. If I had it do over, I'd purchase all of the paper at one time; paper seems to change with the seasons, and as I'm the slowest crafter ever, I spanned the seasons. It looks a little disjointed to me, I'd like some more cohesion, but ultimately it serves it's purpose by filling a horribly ugly wall.

Ta Da-

Item 7: Table & Chairs 

This I stole from my good friend Lesley Anne. We've wanted a table with matching chairs for a while… plus a set that was ours, not borrowed from several different sources. I figured if I didn't find something super cheap that I liked, we'd find something ugly and refinish it like the Fenton's. Well, believe it or not, the cheapest set we found was JUST like the Fenton's, so now we are breakfast table twins! I'll be honest and say that we did not use all of the products Lesley Anne and her husband Kyle did. We took several shortcuts, and our table and chairs certainly suffered for it, but they turned out fairly nice, just don't look too closely!

Item 8: Coffee Table

This is actually ALL Sam. I found two ideas for potential, cheap coffee tables, here and here, but he didn't love either. He found this design and completed it himself over the Labor Day weekend. Go Sam! The table cost us a whopping $65, and yes, we used the same stain. Glad we found a color we liked! I stained the table different colors by applying multiple coats to some boards and wiping the stain off super quickly to the others.

So there you have it, slowly but surely, we'll make this house half a house a home! And the good news is that I like everything enough to implement it in some way into our next place.

It took a major kick in the pants by way of the realization that I was about to have a house full of non-family members on a regular basis in my home to get motivated enough to finish these projects. Crafting always sounds WAY more fun than it is... 800 trips to Michaels later and we are all done!

Blue Skies Smiling at Me

Remember how I said that there were some good things coming to the Greavu's? Well praise the Lord, some good things have arrived!

First of all, Sam accepted a job. Not just any job, but a FANTASTIC job! We were really so blessed to be in the opportunity to choose between jobs. I mean, it's 2013, we're in a recession post-recession double-dip financial crisis time where employment is hard to come by. Who gets offered TWO careers? Apparently people in the medical field. As I stated before, most of the opportunities in Colorado that we were pursuing kind of fizzled out. The one that looked promising was in a less than ideal location, Colorado Springs, (we want Fort Collins or Loveland areas) and the salary was less. Significantly less. So despite the cool factor of living in Colorado and the awesome factor of going to CCRM, we decided to X that one. That left us with two solid opportunities here; both of which offered Sam a position. We seriously felt like we couldn't go wrong. Both are really solid businesses, run by really awesome guys, with really promising futures. It was a tough decision for Sam to make, but ultimately, we are THRILLED with our decision!

Secondly, I GOT A JOB! No seriously, I got a job. It was kind of a whirlwind of a week. Sam made his decision on Wednesday, I woke up to an email on Thursday telling me that I was the top candidate and to hold tight. Friday I accepted a position! Sweet!

Are you ready for this? On top of all of that awesomeness, I met with my old boss from my college years and he wants me to come back and do graphic design work! I'm ECSTATIC! I love working with him and the entire church! It's really a dream place to work. It's only part-time, so I'm going to do both: full time job during the workweek, and part time job at night or on the weekends.

And to top it all off, the last piece of good news is this: we found a home to rent in Athens. As I mentioned before, this process can be terrible. Particularly in a college town where rental units are often not cared for, expensive, and occupied. We decided to live well below our means for the next year in the hopes that we can accomplish two things: IVF and a down payment for a house. If both of those things happen in a year, I'll be blown away, but we decided to go for it and give it everything we've got. We're not getting any younger!

So there: after a lot of not so great news, and months of waiting, we smashed a heck of a lot of EXCELLENT news into ten days! Things are looking up and we're EXCITED!!!!

Life Update

Ughhh! I'm a terrible blogger. Honestly, there's not much going on in my head these days… it's all a mess while we wait for decisions that are both in our control and out of our control. Lovely.

Here's what I can tell you:

• We are not moving to Colorado. I am both bummed and relieved, but that's a story for another day. None of the opportunities turned out in Colorado to be as fruitful as here locally. The good news: it made making the decision a lot easier. And I'm thankful we are on the same page. 

• We have two AWESOME opportunities here locally, and by locally I mean within commuting distance of Athens. We have until next Wednesday to decide. To say I'm a wee bit anxious is an understatement, but mostly I'm just really thankful to be in a position to CHOOSE.

• Speaking of next Wednesday, that's our anniversary. Three years. Crazy.

• Once Sam has made the decision and notified all parties, we will begin our hunt for a rental home. In my experience, this is hell. It's crazy stressful to find a place you can commit to for a year or whatever. It's always a zillion times more than you intend to spend. And it's infinitely more difficult when you throw a cat (rental owners hate cats) and an eighty pound dog into the equation. We're hoping that Athens will be easier and cheaper than Augusta.

• I suddenly recognized that I will not always have my current insurance. While my insurance SUCKS in comparison to those who have infertility coverage, in reality it's pretty good. As in $250 deductible and 10% after that. I've been quoted a little over $400 for the surgery with my current insurance. Therefore, I have a pre-op appointment to discuss (and plan) a laparoscopy with my RE in April. That gives me a surgery date for the first week of May. I'm hopeful that I don't chicken out between now and then.

I think that's about everything swirling around in my head. I apologize for the bullet-style posting and the conglomeration of mess. The good news is that there are some blog worthy events coming soon. Here's a teaser:

• Third Anniversary
• Anniversary Getaway
• Due Date Anniversary
• Sam's Graduation

All of that occurs within the next forty-two days! Crazy!!! 

Goodbye 2012

And 2012 is going... going... gone. I'm tempted to say good riddance, but that seems kind of blasphemous, or at least unthankful. And truly I am thankful for this year; I'm just in a pity-party kind of mood. I remember a similar post in 2011 in which I was sad to see 2010 end, it had been a FABULOUS year. I don't feel quite the same way about 2012. Good things happened for sure; I'm just ready for 2013. Ready to put the bad, the sad, the frustrating, the depressing from this year behind me. Having so many fellow bloggers gives some humbling perspective to the idea that "next year is our year" as many of them are in their third, fourth, fifth, etc. year of actively trying to conceive. So I won't say that 2013 will be the year of success, but I have to cling to hope, cling to the idea that 2013 might be the year, and if it is, well, I'm glad it's here.

But like I said, 2012 wasn't all bad. Firstly, I outed myself as infertile. It was a crazy, stressful, overwhelming decision, but I haven't regretted it for one moment. I've found so much support in the blogging world. The camaraderie, the sister-like aspects of blogging about my journey and reading about others' experiences is truly therapeutic. I'm in a much better place than I would have been if I was dealing with this alone. And the support I have received in real life - the friends, the family members, the random strangers - has been unbelievable. It is so comforting to know that people care, really, truly care. This time last year, I was blogging secretly about my experience, about surviving the miscarriage, about starting clomid, and I felt so unbelievably alone. Amazing what can change in a year, when really, nothing has changed at all.

Secondly, we celebrated our second anniversary. Sam and I decided long before we ever said our vows that we would make a point of celebrating our anniversary each year. No matter what. We promised that we wouldn't let kids or jobs or money prevent us from marking each achievement. Well, luckily, jobs haven't been an issue, we've celebrated cheaply, and wouldn't you know, kids still aren't a problem. Our second anniversary wasn't as glamorous as our first, but I'm still happy that, thus far, we've kept our commitment. Let's hope something cheeeaaaap makes itself available for anniversary number three!

Thirdly, in keeping with the marriage aspect, my marriage is in a better place this year than last. Don't get me wrong, we've been great all along, but infertility can really put a strain on things. Sam and I dealt with the miscarriage very differently and it was hard for me to watch him move on so quickly. Initially, we were in very different places on how to move ahead with the infertility diagnosis. It created a lot of tension. I'm happy to say, that we are on the same page now. Maybe not on the same paragraph, but hey, progress is progress. You've got to celebrate the little things. We have a (for now) plan. I won't say that either of us are 100% in love with the plan (who loves a plan that includes IVF?), but we've reached a compromise, and that is a beautiful thing.

Fourth item of fabulousness, we moved! Praise the Lord, Augusta is behind me. Lots of Sam's PT classmates love Augusta (I think there is something in the water), but it wasn't for us. Between the job, the school, the heat, and the cockroaches, we had our fill. We are so happy to be back. We are THRILLED to be close enough to our church, Athens Church, to get involved again. This has been an amazing season for us spiritually both individually and as a couple. We simply can't wait to permanently move to the Athens area.

And lastly, I started treatment. I won't go so far as to say that I'm thankful to need treatment. No, if the good Lord wants to heal me tonight that is fine by me. But, I'm thankful that we've started. If we are going to need to go alllllllll the way to IVF, then I am glad the ball is rolling. I'm glad we didn't wait. I'm glad we didn't "give it more time". I'm pleased that despite the immense amounts of frustration and the fury over our situation, that we've checked boxes off the list. There are less "unknowns" now. We have more answers, not all of the answers, but more than we had at this time last year.

So, in conclusion 2012 was rough, but most importantly we survived. We survived with our marriage and our faith still intact, and let me tell you, some days, that feels like a pretty huge achievement. 2012 certainly left some scars, but nothing that we can't move beyond. Maybe one day, we will be thankful for those scars; stories to tell and all of that. Welcome 2013. Be gentle with me. And puh-lease be "my year".

What I Learned from the Volunteers

WOW! What a freaking game! The Dawgs almost gave me a heart attack more than once. But we eeked out the victory, so I am thankful for some perseverance to "Finish the Drill".

It was a WILD game for everyone, but particularly interesting for Sam and I as we were on the fringes of the Tennessee visitor's section. I think we were actually technically in the visitor's section, but there were plenty of Georgia fans behind us and around us. That is the closest I have ever sat to the opposing team's  fans. If you win, it's pretty cool, I guess, but if you're down, you feel like you're drowning in a sea of orange. And I HATE orange.

But, I did gleam some valuable information from the Volunteers.

• The Tennessee Offensive Line is SICK! I don't know if it's size, strength, determination, or what but these guys were amazing. I think Bray had about 10 seconds (felt like a minute) to throw every stinking time. 

• This is NOT their mascot:

And neither is this:

                                                   

This is the Volunteer:

                                   

Confused? Me too. According to the Tennessee sports website, they have two mascots (reminiscent of Auburn anyone?). They have the Volunteer and Smokey. Further research shows that this Daniel Boone type character is the true "Vol" while the pooch is his faithful hunting sidekick, but he's cuter so it's obvious why they use him more!

Further confusion comes upon finding out that the Volunteer is so named because he signs up for war frequently. So, shouldn't he be a man in uniform? What's up with the suede jumper and the raccoon hat?

• Every shade of Orange is permissible. I mean it. Peach, tangerine, coral, burnt orange, salmon, neon orange… You name it, they wear it. I guess it's nice to have some freedom in your wardrobe, especially if you're color is orange (gross), but I'm a big fan of continuity.
• I'm so thankful that these currently do not exist in Red & Black.

• The Tennessee band needs to learn a new song. "Rocky Top" is their go to song for EVERYTHING! I'm all for tradition, and it is a catchy tune that's easy to sing along with, but seriously, your band is more talented than that!
• And lastly, don't ever, EVER, doubt the Tennessee game at Sanford Stadium. Even when one team is down, having a rough year, or totally rocking, it's not a game to miss. So show up EVERY TIME GEORGIA! Geez!

It's Not Always About Me

I know, the title is supposed to just say "It's Not About Me" or better yet "It's Never About Me". But let's be honest here, I normally make it all about me.

I woke up this morning in a it's all about me kind of mood. I had thrown my pity party last night where I drank caffeine AND sugar and consumed a solid dozen cookies on my own, because hey, I'm not pregnant (more on this later). I woke up at 6:30 (ewww) cramping, irritable, and just feeling generally crummy. I really wanted to say screw it; church and volunteering can do without me. I deserve a break. But thankfully, I'm the kind of girl, that if I commit, I'll be there, and I had committed to serve in my church's little ones ministry. So I went with my cramps and my tired eyes, thinking "is it healthy to see all these pregnant momma's with their abundance of children after a BFN?

But you know what's so cool? Getting a little perspective. The leader started the morning off with one of my favorite things: life change stories from the church. So here's the story:

A family started coming to our church because they felt that their wee one needed to grow up with some moral people and that church might be the place for that. They themselves weren't particularly into the idea of God or Jesus, but they came for their child. So fast forward and this couple in now in an environment where they can ask the hard questions and get some real answers about faith, the church, and a relationship with Christ. All of this because volunteers offered warm hearts and open hands when they showed up one Sunday and handed their child over to a stranger. If that doesn't give you a purpose for being there, I don't know what would. So again, sometimes it's not about me and what I'm dealing with, feeling like, etc. It's about what little role I might play in a way bigger story that day. I need to learn to remember this, and to be okay with this.

So back to that whole not pregnant thing. Yep, IUI #1 failed. I was prepared(ish) for this when I went in for the big test yesterday morning, but there's always some glimmering little stubborn hope left. I got the call about 3 hours later that my blood test was negative. The call came in the car with Sam, my mom, and my nephew (awkward) on our way to the Georgia game. But like I said, no real shocker, so I think I handled it like a champ. No tears, just a thank you, and a have a good weekend. But can we pause for a moment and discuss the worst jobs? I do believe making "sorry, you're not pregnant calls" would have to rank high on the list.

Anyway, I haven't actually started, but as soon as I do, we will schedule the first appointments for round 2. Thus far, I'm hanging in there. I'm bummed, but not some crazy weepy lady. But only time will tell how long I'll hold it together. When the flow starts, it may be a bit more real than a voice on the phone. But even if crazy, weepy, depressed lady shows herself, I know that she will pass. I've done this before, I can do it again.

Home in the Classic City

This may be extremely premature as Sam hasn't received confirmation back on his last clinical, but I am so excited to announce that it looks like Athens will be our home very shortly. We don't know when exactly we will be moving back to Athens; obviously I'll need a job before we can start house hunting. But regardless of our physical landing spot, we are so pumped to be in the area this fall!

First and foremost, we are thrilled to be able to return to our church home, Athens Church! My heart is so full of anticipation for the first Sunday we'll be back! And yay for making it back in time to start a community group through GroupLink! We are so blessed to be rejoining a church community where we feel known, understood, accepted, and nurtured!

And let's also not forget the perfect timing of returning just in time to kick off the 2012 Georgia football season. Sam and I will definitely be on the hunt for some cheap/free tickets!

As I said, we aren't sure when we will officially become residents of the Classic City. There are a lot of unknowns in the Greavu household right now. Our parents have been nice enough to offer us a place to stay during Sam's clinicals while we figure everything out. Our hope is to be able to purchase our first home in the Athens area sometime next summer. We'd love to settle in the Watkinsville area, but I have a feeling that area will be a smidge outside of our price range, so we are looking at the northeast side of Athens, maybe even the Jefferson area. Whether there's an apartment, rental home, or cardboard box in our future before the first house, we are thrilled to be rejoining the Athens community and look forward to creating a home for ourselves in the city we've come to know and love!

Where's Home?

Do you ever feel like you don't belong? Or better yet, do you ever dream of relocating? Just picking up and moving? I do, I have for a long, long, long time. I think I was about five years old when I decided that I would eventually move to Colorado. I've never wavered... Never. When I see weather forecasts like these I can't help but long for the crisp mountain air, the WHITE Christmases, weekends on the slopes, and the overwhelming beauty of Colorado. My ultimate goal has always been to return to live in a small town, like the one I was born in, (Fort Collins) where it's big enough you can get lost, small enough you feel safe, and close enough that a weekend of shredding the slopes is a quick car ride away. And when I see the ridiculous awards and statistics for this AMAZING town, I cannot help but think, I've been right all along... Colorado should be my home.

I'd love, love, LOVE to say that come May 2013 (when my wonderful Husband will be graduating) we will be ready to pack it all up and head west, but pessimism, or maybe realism is starting to settle in. In light of jobs, children, money, and family it will probably not be realistic to load up the moving vans immediately after graduation (unless of course Sam gets a clinical out there and gets an awesome job offer). So I guess in the back of my mind, as I attempt to come to grips with the delay, I've been contemplating other possible landing areas after our exodus from Augusta.

I really, honestly cannot imagine moving back to Gainesville for any long period of time... ultimately there is just too much water under the bridge for me there and I just have to believe that there is way more to this world than what Gainesville has to offer us. And currently my heart is leading back to Athens. I know, I know, I can't be a college kid forever. But there are a lot of really fabulous things about Athens. Exhibit A: football tickets, or if we can't afford tickets, at least we are close enough to tailgate and feel part of the excitement. Exhibit B: It's not Gainesville (obviously), but it IS close enough to make a quick trip home to see the family (something I thoroughly failed to appreciate when it was available to me). And if Sam and I are planning on starting a family, it would be great to be close to all the grandmas. Exhibit C: Athens Church. Now most people probably wouldn't choose a city to live in based on the church there, normally it's the other way around. But now that I'm gone both from the church and the workplace, I realize what an AMAZING church family we had there. I would be thrilled to be blessed with the messages of Andy Stanley each Sunday, a weekly small group of like minded married couples who want to "do life" together, and to be close enough to drop in on old friends and coworkers to hear the amazing life change that is occurring through their work and prayers.

Ultimately, I'm praying hard that the Lord will give me contentment during the days left in Augusta; that I will look upon this time as an opportunity to create lasting memories and family traditions for the years ahead with Sam, and that I will cease waiting for life to get better than it already is. But I'm also praying that the Lord will begin to direct our path where HE wants us to go. If it's Colorado, GREAT! I pray he would prepare a way and provide for us in the days ahead. If it's Athens, that would be wonderful too, kind of a coming home. And if it's none of the above, I pray that we would ultimately seek HIM to find fulfillment.

Birthday Celebrations

So where have the Greavu's been lately? Celebrating birthdays of course, it is October!

Last weekend Sam and I went home to have a family birthday party with our parents. My mom surprised me midweek with a great surprise... tickets to the UGA/Vandy game! With that news, Sam and I were even more thrilled to be heading home! We hadn't been to the Georgia campus in over a year, and our last game was the dismal day in '08 when we fell to the Jackets (boo). So Friday night we loaded up the car with all of our junk (and animals) and headed home.

Saturday morning (Mom's birthday), my momma, Stuart, Sam and I headed down to Athens. Sam and I were really happy to be back on campus. I think there is just something about your college days that will always be nostalgic, and for Sam and I, that campus is where we met, fell in love, end began dreaming of our future together. We decided to use our pre-game time to scout out a new collar and leash for Sterling. Although he's not a bulldog, he is a BULLDAWG! So cute!

More good news for us, despite the slow start for the Bulldogs this year, Georgia showed up that day and had a beautiful game and shut out the Commodores (perfect)! PLUS, we were there for the Collaring Ceremony for UGA VIII. We were there for VII's ceremony as well, but we're hoping that this sweet boy will have a much longer life. He's off to a great start as the dogs are 2-0 under Big Bad Bruce's reign! What a great day!

Photo courtesy of AJC.com/sports

We headed home after the game to get ready for Sam's family to come over for some yummy lasagna and CARROT CAKE!!! Delicious! Shane surprised us by coming over as well so we all sang Happy Birthday to my Momma, Sam, and myself and enjoyed some family time together. It was a good day all around as Genie and Bob got to see the Cats knock off South Carolina while wearing their Kentucky blue.

Thursday was my actual birthday, and Sam has learned that birthday's (and Christmas) are a big deal for me, so despite my rather glum attitude about turning 25, he surprised me with a wonderful birthday! I came home to find a large, WRAPPED gift, and a card. I was so excited, Sam is not a man of many words, so cards are not his thing, nor is wrapping, but it was all PERFECT! I am such a lucky wife!

He got me a beautiful quilt for our bed, which is perfectly timed as our home begins to get seriously chilly and we attempt to survive the semester without turning on heat (we'll see)! The quilt is the color of the top pillow, "Sandlewood" from Pottery Barn (my favorite).

Photo courtesy of PotteryBarn.com

AND, the sneaky husband that he is, he told me to go ahead and get ice for drinks before dinner, I open the freezer to discover Coldstone! Not just any Coldstone either, but a whole half gallon on my very favorite Cake Batter ice cream, mixed with brownies, white chocolate chips, and caramel! Yum! And since it was my birthday, the kind lady had made me a small extra with whipped cream and sprinkles! So wonderful! Thanks to my family, I had a wonderful 25th birthday!

Friday, Sam and I went out to dinner to actually celebrate our birthday's together since his is Monday and we really can't afford two restaurant nights so close together. Kyle and Lesley Anne Fenton joined us for pizza, and we has a great night of fellowship with new friends.

Saturday, it was our turn to return the favor and journey for two of our good friends Kyle Kersey and Haley Staples. They had an adorable engagement party with friends and family to celebrate with them as they prepare for their wedding next June! Kyle was Sam's roommate and Haley was mine for a while in college, and they lovingly traveled for all of our pre-wedding festivities, so we were happy to do the same for them. However, we were NOT happy when we returned home last night to find this...

Sterling had apparently decided to take revenge on us for leaving him in his cage for 6 hours. What the pictures don't show is that Sterling, not only ripped all the way through the curtains, effectively sawing them in half, but he also pushed the plastic liner of his cage out, ripped the towels his cage rested on up though the bottom and ate holes through both, completely severed a BRAND NEW (purchased that day) toy in half, and banged into the sides of his cage until the door is warped, the floor is warped and he had unclipped nearly all of the side hooks of the cage. Good grief! He is obviously suffering from separation anxiety, but really was all of that necessary?

Other than that, we lead a quiet life these days! But stay tuned for a new post soon... Sam's birthday is TOMORROW!