the Graduate

Seven and a half years ago, Sam told me he wanted to be a physical therapist. Interesting. I knew next to nothing about the field. I did however know that it required school beyond undergraduate, and sitting next to me was a self-professed school hater. In our exceptionally brief relationship, I had already determined that his academic adviser (one specifically for student athletes) was a moron. So, I decided to look at what this dream of his might require… low and behold, I found our that the field of physical therapy was in the midst of a transition from a Masters degree to a Doctoral degree. WHAT?!?! I immediately thought two things (I'm just being honest): 1- no way this guy's going to school for a doctorate, and 2- thank the Lord, I swore I'd never marry a doctor.

Well people, last Friday, he proved me wrong on all accounts. He in fact, did go on to receive his Doctorate in Physical Therapy!

Congratulations Sam!

Sam with "diploma" in hand after graduation!

The festivities were many, but hopefully, Sam felt proud, accomplished, loved, appreciated and supported at the end of it all! We started off all of the fun with a Hooding Ceremony on Thursday night for everyone in the College of Allied Health Sciences. Basically, it was an hour and forty-five  minutes of boredom watching undergrads get called for every award under the sun for fifteen minutes of glory as Sam and all of his fellow classmates were "hooded".

Sam receiving his hood from the Department Chair

The last fifteen minutes were lots of fun! It was particularly humorous to watch these professors stand on boxes to reach the students. I thought Sam should have simply knelt! So with that done, we moved on to the more exciting events: pictures (which he wasn't into in the dress clothes, gown, hood, and Augusta heat), dinner at Nacho Mama's and dessert at Boll Weevil.

the one and only decent picture of us
(kind of looks like he went to Hogwarts, right?)

Dessert at Boll Weevil never fails to impress. If you're ever in Augusta, make sure you stop by. And if you happen to be in town on a Sunday, double bonus, desserts are half price! Hel-lo!

"Perfect Chocolate" and "Tropical Dream"
Excellent way to end the night!

Friday morning was lots of fun! The DPT class held a brunch for friends and family. This was much more intimate and special. Plus, it was really the only time that I got to catch up with all of our friends. It's crazy to think that other than a few weddings, the class hadn't been together since July 2012! It was great to see everyone again! 

Kyle and Lesley Anne Fenton, some of our
greatest friends from our time in Augusta. So
incredibly thankful for their continued friendship!
(please ignore the weirdness of my dress)

After brunch, some speeches, some additional awards, and the traditional candle ceremony it was time to head to graduation. I'll spare you the details of what happens when you merge a local college of predominantly undergraduates (ASU) with a well known school of medicine and health sciences (MCG) to form a brand new conglomeration struggling to identify itself and find cohesive elements (GRU). Needless to say the graduation ceremony was long, fairly boring, and quite unique as it's graduates earned everything from associate degrees to doctoral degrees in everything from drawing to dentistry. The important parts were: 1- He DID it! Hello Diploma! 2- they said his name right!!! (gray-view, not groo-voo, or grugh-voo, nor gree-aw-vu)

on his way to the stage… 

diploma in hand! Congratulations Dr. Sam Greavu, PT, DPT

Sadly, this came at about the half way point… there were still approximately 867,592 graduates left to call! Bah! Sore back! Can't feel my butt! Save me! Eventually, it did end. All that was left was a few quick photos (it was roasting outside) and to pick up the actual diploma.

Woot Woot! Three long years later, it's official!
Can't believe we've come this far!

We were off after snagging the diploma and headed home. I was exhausted and sore (think one week post surgery), but crazy proud of my big boy. Saturday night we took the Graduate out to Bonefish to celebrate!

To say I'm insanely proud of my husband would be a vast understatement! Seven and a half years ago, Sam had just started his sophomore year with a 2.0 GPA. Obviously, you can't get into grad school, let alone a medical program with a GPA like that. The following years were filled with hard word and sacrifice. I can honestly say that there were times in which I wondered if we'd make it, if it would all be worth it. I'm a doubter by nature. But not Sam, even when the odds were crazy low, even when he received rejection, he never doubted where he was meant to be. Through his hard work, and by the grace of God, we made it!

The abundantly awesome part… not only did he work forty hour weeks during the last semester completing a clinical rotation and an elective, but he also studied his butt off for his board exams. And don't you know? He passed both! Within a few weeks time, Sam will receive his license to practice. He will start his first professional job within the next few weeks and we are both simply ecstatic about the opportunities that he has been given and the provision the Lord has given to bring us to this point in our lives! The sky's the limit (well, after we pay down these student loans)!

Congratulations Sam! I'm so incredibly proud of you! I pray that the next years of your life are everything you hoped they would be! 

Life Update

Ughhh! I'm a terrible blogger. Honestly, there's not much going on in my head these days… it's all a mess while we wait for decisions that are both in our control and out of our control. Lovely.

Here's what I can tell you:

• We are not moving to Colorado. I am both bummed and relieved, but that's a story for another day. None of the opportunities turned out in Colorado to be as fruitful as here locally. The good news: it made making the decision a lot easier. And I'm thankful we are on the same page. 

• We have two AWESOME opportunities here locally, and by locally I mean within commuting distance of Athens. We have until next Wednesday to decide. To say I'm a wee bit anxious is an understatement, but mostly I'm just really thankful to be in a position to CHOOSE.

• Speaking of next Wednesday, that's our anniversary. Three years. Crazy.

• Once Sam has made the decision and notified all parties, we will begin our hunt for a rental home. In my experience, this is hell. It's crazy stressful to find a place you can commit to for a year or whatever. It's always a zillion times more than you intend to spend. And it's infinitely more difficult when you throw a cat (rental owners hate cats) and an eighty pound dog into the equation. We're hoping that Athens will be easier and cheaper than Augusta.

• I suddenly recognized that I will not always have my current insurance. While my insurance SUCKS in comparison to those who have infertility coverage, in reality it's pretty good. As in $250 deductible and 10% after that. I've been quoted a little over $400 for the surgery with my current insurance. Therefore, I have a pre-op appointment to discuss (and plan) a laparoscopy with my RE in April. That gives me a surgery date for the first week of May. I'm hopeful that I don't chicken out between now and then.

I think that's about everything swirling around in my head. I apologize for the bullet-style posting and the conglomeration of mess. The good news is that there are some blog worthy events coming soon. Here's a teaser:

• Third Anniversary
• Anniversary Getaway
• Due Date Anniversary
• Sam's Graduation

All of that occurs within the next forty-two days! Crazy!!! 

Floundering

I'm kind of uninspired to write at this present time. I'll admit that the whole job search is kind of cramping my style. When doing a google search on my husband, a top find is this here blog. So I don't feel at liberty to discuss too openly what our thoughts or feelings are on each job opportunity, or moving, or any of it. Just know that no decisions have been made, and well, I'll tell you as soon as possible what the future may hold for us.

In the mean time, I'm waiting, rather impatiently I might add, but since when was I a patient waiter? Which is a good segue into the actual topic today. First of all, if you haven't read Erika's guest post today, go do it. She's AWESOME as always. She knocked it out of the park, and totally represented all infertile ladies beautifully in a somewhat delicate situation (a blog-o-thon on motherhood).

Erika really got me thinking. That part where she describes what her twenties looked like. The waiting for her life to get better, for it to have a purpose. The fact that her twenties looked a lot like most toddlers' terrible two's. All of that, I currently resonate so much with. Just like she said, I keep waiting for Infertility to be a footnote. Believe me, it will always be a huge part of my story, but can't it be part of the background history needed to understand me, and not the main event?

I started thinking about how I'm floundering so much in the midst of all of this mess. I'm in the middle of so many uncertainties. Where will we live? How much will we have to live on? Will I get a job?(soon? ever?) Which doctor should we go with? How will we afford IVF? What if IVF fails? Will we ever have kids? How will we EVER afford to pay for all of this? You see? I feel like NOTHING is certain! For free spirits this might sound lovely, but for my type A personality who plans EVERYTHING, this totally sucks.

And that's when it hit me. I'm floundering because I'm not planning anything. Beyond what to do today, I don't have a single plan. I think I'm too scared to plan. I heard recently a phrase, I'm sure it's been around forever, but it totally resonated with me. "We make plans, and God laughs." I don't' take this as proof that God is sadistic or mean spirited. To me it references the fact that my story is a mere sentence in the one He is writing. It's also come to represent to me that planning is fruitless. Whether that's good or bad, it's my current take on life.

Here, have a look at "The Plan"

1. 22 yrs old- get married (behind, got married at 24.5)
2. 23 yrs old- have first baby (scratch, got engaged)
3. 25 yrs old- have baby #2 (nope, just got married, husband's in PT school)
4. 27 yrs old- have baby #3 (not happening)
5. 28 yrs old- have baby #4 I should a pro by now, plus if we want 5, we've got to squeeze it in by 30, you know?
6. 29 yrs old- decide to have baby #5 or adopt, proceed with decision
7. 33 yrs old- regardless of decision, peruse international adoption

In addition to that plan were the plans like:

1. Work full time as a graphic designer
2. Transition to part time to stay home with kids, maybe work from home
3. Help husband open his own PT clinic
4. Move to Colorado

And well, you get the idea, not one item on "The Plan" worked out, or will work out the way I wanted. Planning is fruitless. Instead, I'm kind of waiting for life to happen and then reacting to the changes. It's moved me from the driver's seat to the backseat. While that's good in a lot of ways, it's not so hot in others. I'm not handling my backseat spot with a lot of grace, in fact, sometimes I feel like I'm in the truck. I'm blind to where we are going, we stop, I get out, and then I have to react to the situation or circumstances around me.

I'm hopeful that this is a just a season of life. While I do think that there are valid lessons to be learned about making plans, I don't want to spend my whole life it the trunk. I want to be an active being in my life, not just watching it pass me by. I'm hopeful that in the next few months at least SOMETHING will be decided. Maybe we will know where we are going to live. Maybe one answer will then answer some of the other questions. Maybe it'll be kind of like dominoes, knock one little block down and… voila, made it out of that! In the mean time, I'll just stay here patiently impatiently waiting and hashing out the merits of acting like a two year old (which if you read Alison's blog, you know means throwing objects, hitting, screaming, biting, and subbing things like "Elmo" and "airplane" for expletives). This has potential!

What the Future Holds

Sorry for the long break. The radio silence was intended for a day, not a week plus. I did actually honor it, by the way, and it was sadly pretty difficult. I've been back checking in on blogs and such since then, but I just don't have much to say. There's not a whole heck of a lot going on in my daily life, and I recently feel at a loss as to what to say to others. Bad blogger. Sorry.

We're dealing with lots and lots of unknowns right now. It's pretty hard to plan or dream or do much of anything. Sam has begun the application process. This has been the long awaited point for us that we have looked to with so much anticipation for so long. Now that it's here, I'm full of anxiety. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited. I'm sooooooo ready for that first pay check, but in the mean time, the unknown aspects are kind of scary.

The most likely scenario will be that Sam will find employment somewhere within driving distance of Athens. In which case, we will find a super duper cheap rental in the Athens area (our desired living area in Georgia). I'm currently applying to just about everything in the Athens area myself on the assumption that this is where we will land.

In this scenario, we will stay at RBA with Dr. Slayden. The only foreseeable reason we would leave RBA is if we simply cannot get the funds together for IVF. Sadly, RBA is like THE most expensive. clinic in the metro Atlanta area. There are two other clinics that are significantly cheaper. The first is the Servy-Massey Fertility Institute, which is promising all inclusive IVF for $6,975. The only thing not included in that price is medication. ICSI and assisted hatching aren't even an additional cost. Pretty sweet. But we didn't have an awesome consult as you may remember. The second cheaper option is Georgia Reproductive Specialists which is now doing IVF for $9,500, which is still significantly less than RBA and ACRM. We're keeping both of those in the back of our minds just in case.

Anyway, back to the unknown. We've also decided to throw some applications out west. Rumor has it that PT's (and doctors in general) make more out west. I'm not sure if that's the case for where we would be interested in living, but we will see. If you've been a long time follower of this blog, you might remember that I have a mild love affair with Colorado. It's pretty much the greatest state in my opinion. For a brief period, Sam and I were pretty fired up about moving out to Colorado. And then life started to happen. It started to look less and less feasible. We began to plan for life in Athens and shelve the Colorado dream. However, infertility, believe it or not, has brought Colorado back into the picture. Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine has the highest success rates of any clinic I've found (props CO). CCRM has come up over and over in the last several months, until the point I just couldn't ignore the feelings I had. Sam and I discussed it, and we've decided to throw some applications that way. We see it like this: 1- it doesn't cost us anything to apply. Just a few bucks for postage out there. 2- Colorado is AWESOME, so moving there wouldn't be a loss. 3- if we're going to pay a zillion dollars for IVF, we might as well go to the best (if we can).

If moving to Colorado doesn't work out, we won't shed any tears. We are fully satisfied with the prospect of living our little life in Athens, the greatest college town in the world. It's a pretty sweet deal to be honest. Southern hospitality, awesome food, beautiful surroundings, excellent social life opportunities, a fantastic church home.... Plus six Saturdays a year the city bleeds red and black as the Dawgs host some team at Sanford Stadium and serve them up as puppy chow. BUT, if Colorado does work out with an awesome job opportunity for Sam, we are prepared to view it as a sign that our path leads west in the hopes of being a one hit wonder in this hole IVF insanity.

With all of that being said, the future is pretty unstable. We could be looking for a rental home in Athens in the next few weeks, OR we could potentially be moving across the country in a few months. That is, of course, assuming that we have a job opportunity at all in the next few months. We are pretty confident that Sam will find employment. However, nothing is certain, as we have learned time and time again over the last few years.

Newlywed Advice

I'm suddenly surrounded by newlyweds through several different areas in my life. When we first moved to Augusta and Sam started PT school, us married folk were a rare breed. Now that school is winding down, the marriages and engagements are piling in. Upon moving back north, we joined a community group of newlyweds at our church. And when I say newlyweds, I mean it. We're talking weeks for a lot of these couples.

I've been asked so many times in the last few months about marriage advice. I don't know when 2.5 years gave you "authority", so I rarely feel like I have a lot to say. But truly, when I think about it, I have TONS of advice. Things about communication and conflict. Ideas on love languages and intimacy. I've had lots of "life lessons" in these 31 months of marriage from which I've gleaned knowledge. But my greatest peace of advice is this:

Stop waiting to start your family.

Believe me when I say, I know what it is like to have fears. I am married to Mr. Hesitant. He had a list a mile long about why we shouldn't have a baby, about why waiting until out late twenties/early thirties was a good idea. About how we needed a house, careers, financial plans, etc. 

Hear me when I say this: It is complete ARROGANCE to believe that you can plan when your baby enters the picture. I was so arrogant when I use to dream about things like scheduling baby births around holidays and making sure he/she wasn't the youngest in the class. For whatever reason, this is how we have come to operate in this day and age. We are either PREVENTING or TRYING. We desperately work so hard, spend so much to make sure that a baby is not possible until we are "ready". And then as soon as we are ready, we immediately think, where's my baby? What would happen if we worried more about simply LIVING? If you're married, you're relationship is stable, you're working, and you have a place to live, then what would happen if you got pregnant? Simple, you'd become a family of three. Once upon a time married couples simply had sex to make love. They didn't know about basal body temperatures, or ovulation windows, or correct positions. Pregnancy was a chance every time, and a miracle every time.

If you really, really want a family someday, let me give you a few facts: You are the most fertile you'll ever be between your late teen years (depending on when you started your period) and 25. That's right, I said 25, not 35, not 45, 25. Can you get pregnant after 25? Of course. Is it as easy? Nope. Most people won't notice, but statistically, it's harder. How about a chart to express things a little more clearly?

Normal fertility over 12 month period

A little help with this chart: keep in mind that infertility isn't a disease, it is defined at the inability to become pregnant after one year of unprotected sex. So the green line doesn't mean you're on the road to disease, it means you're on the road to menopause. But along the way, long before menopause, more and more women will leave the "fertile train" and hop aboard the "infertile train" with a one way ticket towards spending bookoos for a baby. As you can see, the difference between 24 and 25 is almost 10%. Meaning you are almost 10% less likely to conceive within one year at my age, 27, that at say 23. Something to think about.

Lets look at it from a smaller scale, because you, like me, are sure you'll get pregnant in a year. What about your chances month to month. A healthy couple in their early to mid twenties has about a 25% chance each month of getting pregnant. Not bad, right? Late twenties, that starts to drop to 20% each month. At 35, your chances are dropping still, and by 40, you have less than a 5% chance that you will get pregnant. And remember, this is if both parties are healthy.

Who's not healthy? Estimates say that more than 10% of couples, or 1 in 8 will deal with infertility. It just so happens, that my small group has 8 couples. We will use that group an an example. So, 8 couples in the group… the odds are that one will be infertile. Luckily, that has already been determined. But there is no reason to assume that there isn't another. Here are some things that might mean you aren't included in the normal, healthy group:

• If you don’t ovulate, there is a 0% chance of getting pregnant
• If he has no sperm, there is a 0% of getting pregnant
• If you have had a tubal ligation, there is a 0% chance of getting pregnant
• If you have severe tubal disease which has closed off your tubes, there is a 0% chance of getting pregnant.
• If your menstrual cycle is irregular, your chances of getting pregnant are lower.
• If your corpus luteum phase is shorter than 12 days, your chances of getting pregnant are lower.
• If you ovulate irregularly, on different days of the cycle, your chances are lower.
• If you ovulate late in the cycle, after cycle day 21, mathematically, you have a lower chance getting pregnant because there are less ovulations per year and also because implantation is less likely in a uterine lining that’s older than 3 weeks (after the last menstrual period).
• If you are underweight (BMI under 19.5) your chances of getting pregnant are lower.
• If you are overweight (BMI over 25) your chances of getting pregnant are lower.
• If you take certain medications your chances of getting pregnant may change.
• If you had surgery on your cervix your chances may be lower.
• If you have an infection your chances may be less.
• If you use lubricants your chances are lower.

The list goes on and on. I say none of this to scare you. I say it to educate you. Assuming that you can stop your birth control pills and get pregnant the next month is highly unrealistic. Will is happen to some people? Of course. Will it be you? No way to know. So my point is this: don't plan on it.

50% of healthy couples in their 20's will get pregnant within 6 months of unprotected sex. Those aren't bad odds, but it's also not what we are led to believe. I don't know about you, but I grew up thinking that sperm leapt through layers and layers of clothing all the time, and if even one little sperm made it, well, it was a done deal. I remember the first time my period was late after Sam and I got married. I was on the pill, but I was like a day late. Sam had a hissy fit. Insisted I go buy a test. I thought he was going to have a heart attack. He just knew that despite using the pill accurately (and sometimes condoms too) that we were pregnant. I bought the test, it was negative, he started to breathe again. I use this to illustrate the point that somehow, we've come to expect pregnancy every time intercourse occurs (protected or otherwise if your Sam). I think it's partially carry-over scare tactics from sex ed, but regardless, it's just not true.

So, all of this is to say, if you don't want kids right now, I mean honestly don't want a baby, then fine, but recognize that you will not have forever. And assuming that you will be one of the lucky ones, assuming that you both fall into the "healthy" category, assuming that you have all of the time in the world is simply arrogant. You can't know what your future holds, and acting like a baby is completely within your control can come back to bite you.

Also ladies, I want to close with this: I started going to an OBGYN in college. I saw 3 different doctors during college and then a 4th before getting married. I asked ALL of them if my irregular cycles were a reason to suspect I might have trouble getting pregnant. They ALL assured me that no, I was healthy, when I was ready, it would happen. I think the doctors at university clinics must get paid to say this. Well let me tell you, when you're struggling to conceive, the first thing they ask you is if your cycles are regular. Irregular cycles are the number one sign of infertility as well as cramping or bleeding at odd times during your cycle (not during your period). This can be a sign of anovulation, endometriosis, and other fertility related issues. If you're cycles vary from month to month, if your cycles are extra long, if your period is extremely light or heavy, talk to your doctor. If there is reason to believe you might struggle getting pregnant, it's better to know now, than in five years when you get around to starting your family.

If I could go back to the beginning of my marriage (and convince my husband) I'd skip the pills and the condoms and the worry. I'd simply love my husband. I'd put my family in God's hands and trust that He's got us. Some might say that is not responsible, but I disagree. I don't think there is anything more responsible than saying I'm married and I'm going to love my spouse and I'm giving the rest to God. I might be pregnant or even have a child by now if we had done that. Probably not, but it's possible. I might be right where I am today. Either way, I'd have no regrets.

Lucky to be in Love with My Best Friend

That's what our wedding bands say. Sam's says "lucky to be in love" and mine says "with my best friend." And it's true, for so many reasons. Obviously in this walk of life, I need a friend, a lover, a partner, an encourager, a confidant. Sam is all of these things to me.

Way back when, in our newlywed days I wrote a little post about how fabulous my husband is and how lucky I am to call him mine. Well, it's time to do that again. What spurred this outpouring of wifely love and support? Sam finished his second clinical today, and I can't help but be reminded of how far we've come.

It's hard to believe but at the end of sophomore year, Sam's GPA was a 2.5 (freshman year was rough). You don't get into graduate school with a GPA like that. Sam made the tough decision to quit the basketball team and focus on getting his GPA up. He switched majors to Exercise Science as more of the required courses for that were also required for PT school.

Fast forward to graduation, Sam pulled his GPA up to 3.2. That was freaking AWESOME, but we still didn't know if it would be enough to get into PT school. That darn GRE, which I KNEW had no relation to success as a PT, was standing in the way. Long story short, he got in (obviously).

But Sam hasn't just passed, he's been AMAZING! Out of 6 academic semesters, he made straight A's in 4. In his most recent clinical, he was supposed to attain "advanced intermediate level" proficiency in order to pass. Well, wouldn't you know, he achieved at least "entry level" on everything. Which means right now, he's proficient enough to start work. And he still has 2 more clinical rotations before graduation. Imagine how fabulous he'll be then.

Dear future employers, Please, feel free to fight over him. Submit your offer and we will review and consider them all. We look forward to working with you and receiving a paycheck.

So needless to say my husband is going to be a fabulous PT. It's been amazing to watch this journey unfold and see him grow during the last 7 years. It's also incredible to watch someone's dreams come true. I think so many people (myself included) struggle to choose a major or find fulfillment in a career. Not Sam. He's known what he's wanted for years and he's worked really hard to get it. I'm just a smidge bit proud if you couldn't tell.

In the midst of the most challenging, stressful, and overwhelming chapter of our story thus far, it is wonderful to have complete belief that my husband is going to be an incredible, dependable provider for our family (whatever shape or size that may be). He is a rock in the midst of this storm and I couldn't be more proud to call him my husband! These two and a half years have truly been some of the best years of my life. I'd like the current season to end, but there is NO ONE I would rather walk through this with. I love you Sam!

Stay tuned because after today, Sam is a free man for the next 3 days (big break I know). But we have a lot of fun scheduled in this little weekend, and I for one, could really use some fun right about now!

How Did We Get Here?

There's a soundtrack in my head these days:

"How did we get here? How the hell, pan left, close up on my empty uterus, still nothing there."

This little song of mine is to the tune of Halloween from one of my all time favorite musicals, Rent. I know, I know, I'm a mess. But sometimes, the only thing you can do with infertility is laugh (or sing songs).

But seriously, how did we get here? A year ago, I thought, "hmm, well it'll just take a little time". Then there was my one and only BFP (for a day). The doctors assured me that this was NOT a sign of infertility, but probably some unknown chromosomal issue. Just nature taking care of itself. HAHAHA! While that is still a possibility, it seems more likely that my little girl was perfect in every way (she has fabulous parents after all), but that this gal, with the broken uterus, the thin lining, and the crappy progesterone levels, well, she just couldn't get it together enough to hold on to that precious life. (Anybody else thinking, "baby killer"? It's okay, I am too.)

But a year ago, I clung to my doctors "get out of jail free pass", and believed that it was her not me. When nothing happened after a few more months, we decided to start treatment: mild treatment. I say mild now, at the time, going on Clomid seemed like one of the biggest life decisions. HAHAHAHA! Going to an RE was our next step, but it wasn't really a conscious decision like, "well we need the big guns now", but more of an issue that starting treatment again after the cysts correlated with moving from Augusta. I thought, "it's dumb to get a new OB/GYN and go through all this mess again only to be referred to an RE, at which point we would have to go through all of this mess a third time. Just skip the middle man." 

But it seems that moving to an RE, really is "bringing out the big guns", thought I'm not sure why. I suddenly realize that I am two to four cycles away from being referred for IVF. (Acronyms are funny/annoying. I want capitalization to show my "what the hell?" feelings on IVF, but it's already capitalized, so maybe IVF, gets the point across.) Again, how did we get here? At what point did I go from a sweet (no one ever said that) young girl (the doctors did actually say that) who just can't seem to get herself properly knocked up, to an infertile, less that 10% chance of pregnancy, going to spend a billion dollars on a baby, crazy old lady? Where was the line I crossed, because I'd like to go back and hop back over it.

There's still a chance that this fertility challenged twenty-six year old can get herself knocked up, it won't be proper by any means, but it's possible. I say not proper, because paying $400 to lie on a table with my legs in stirrups, while some unknown lady attempts said knocking up with a syringe and a catheter is not exactly how I pictured it. But, there's still a chance that this bazaar method will work. If not this cycle, then maybe in one of the other two that we are prepared to try. But if it doesn't, then I will have seriously crossed over some threshold. Not the good kind that your husband carries you over, the never to return from kind where you literally are prepared to spend THIRTY THOUSAND DOLLARS for a kid. Whoaaa! How did we get here, how the hell?

Now as you might have imagined, Sam and I, at this moment in time, do not have thirty thousand dollars, we don't even have enough for one measly IVF cycle. So the plan would be to wait (eek, ouch, painful!) until Sam gets a big boy job and starts raking in the big bucks. And lucky for me, due to some idiotic cheating scandal with the PT boards, Sam won't get to take his test until the end of JULY 2013. That means it would be a year from now. Needless to say, I've found a new purpose for that signing bonus.

So, we're here (IUI), and I have no idea how, or why, or when we got here, but oh gracious I don't want to go there (IVF). This probably explains a little bit more about my "PLEASE" prayer. But I'm serious. I can't wrap my head around doing nothing for a year! But the doctors say you are just throwing your money down the drain after three or four IUI cycles. Money that you could be saving for an IVF, which has MUCH better odds. 

I could write about this all day long (I literally have nothing better to do). About how I don't really want my child to be conceived in a petri dish, about how I'm confused with where I stand morally on the whole frozen eggs subject, about, about, about. But I'll stop for your sake. 

Happy Wednesday.

How Do You Measure, Measure a Year?

Wow! No, better yet WOW! It's been almost been a year since Sam and I stood before God, our family and friends and committed to love and serve one another for the rest of our lives. Today's my last chance for blogging abilities as Sam and I head out tomorrow to begin our journey to Miami... CRUISE TIME! But I didn't want to let the one year mark pass with out a little blog time.

Despite the craziness of our wedding day, it was by far the greatest day of my life. Not because it was flawless, no, our day was far from that. We ran behind schedule from appointment number one until we finally hit the lobby of the Ritz Carlton that night. And not because I was so overjoyed or happy all day. I was a bundle of nerves and quite ill though our reception. No, it had little to do with the hours of planning or the dollars spent. Instead it had everything to do with the promises made and the contentment gained in knowing that Sam is mine forever!

So what have we accomplished in a year? Well firstly there was the honeymoon! Sam learned to ski which was a great sign to me that I might make it back to Colorado more permanently some day! We were so blessed to able to take such an amazing trip! And despite the late season , we received a huge blessing in the form of 13" of snow! Paradise!

Soon after we moved into our first home in Augusta! We settled in nicely and began to add some personal touches to our little rental.

Sam started Physical Therapy school at MCG... a dream come true! Although Augusta may not be our favorite city we are so blessed to be here while Sam follows his dream to become a PT. At the end of May he will be finishing his first year of PT school and receiving his white coat! I couldn't be more proud!

Our first year has been full of new beginnings and lessons learned about one another as well as our lives together. But ultimately, as the song goes, "it's measured in love," and I am fortunate enough to be madly in love with my best friend.

Happy Anniversary to the Love of my Life! I look forward to many, MANY more years with you!

Reminiscing

It hit me early this week, as I ripped "February" from my desk calendar to see my 24 day countdown until Sam and I leave for our cruise... it has almost been a year since our wedding day. I know, I know I should have seen it coming; the cruise is our one year anniversary celebration, but I don't think I had focused in on the anniversary part of it. It seems absolutely crazy to think that it's almost been a year! The last eighteen months or so have been amazingly fast. I honestly remember the six month mark before our wedding all too clearly: it feels like last month!

In light of the coming anniversary, I can't help but think back on the whirlwind that was the months leading up to the big day. I know every bride probably feels like her own wedding trials are the most distressing or overwhelming, but honestly it seems that Sam and I had more than our fair share of bumps and wrong turns in our journey to the wedding day. We had all the regular distresses and worries: will the bridesmaid dresses fit, will the flower girl walk down the aisle, will I mess up my vows? But we had so much more too.

First off, the rings. I remember every magazine planner saying to buy the wedding rings about 3 months ahead. Well if Sam and I had taken this route, we would have been wedding band-less. Six months out Sam and I went to order our rings. Both of us chose incredibly straight forward, plain bands. Sam's band ended up being fine, no problems. But mine was nothing but problems. After a good six or seven trips to Atlanta and countless different sizes ordered, we came to the conclusion that it wasn't the wedding band but the engagement ring setting that was causing me such problems. Sam loving said that he only wanted me to be happy and that I could trade it if I wanted to. Keep in mind that it's February by this point, less than eight weeks away. I find a setting that will work, agree to fork over the several hundred dollars in difference and leave the jewelry store without my engagement ring. The store wanted to send my ring to the jeweler in New York and have them size the new setting and place the diamond all at once so I wouldn't have any more delays. The following week, Sam got a phone call... The jeweler in New York had lost my engagement ring INCLUDING the diamond. Needless to say, when Sam called, I sobbed, and sobbed, and sobbed. I remember thinking how hard Sam worked to save up for that ring, and POOF it was gone. The jewelry store in Atlanta assured us that it would be replaced so we headed back down to Atlanta to select a new diamond. The New York jeweler graciously comped us the new diamond, the upgraded setting, and my wedding band at no additional charge. But wow! You never expect to be diamond ring less AND wedding band less than 10 weeks before your wedding.

The dress... again WOW! My mom was amazing and diligently spent the summer of my engagement running back and forth all across the metro Atlanta area looking for the perfect dress. When I couldn't find the "perfect" dress we decided to have one made. A very long story short, I ended up with a dress that was NOTHING like my sketches or what we discussed in the design consultations. I wanted to cry. I was soooo upset thinking how many other dresses I passed up on for this one, and yet I liked several of them so much more. Mom knew right away after the last fitting that this was a disaster, and the next morning while I was inwardly moping she wakes up to say "well, where do you want to go look for a new dress?" We had already put a deposit on the custom dress, but mom went to bat for me, cancelled the order without further payment on the basis of the failure to deliver what was asked, and we went shopping again. Amazingly enough, I ended up choosing the first dress I tried on during round two. But ordering a dress three weeks out is supposed to be impossible, so I was adapting to the idea of wearing a sample dress when we heard the great news: there was a dress ordered by a girl in Spain in my size with extra length. Her day was nine months away so they had it shipped straight to Atlanta. After that I had two weeks to figure out undergarments, shoes, and fittings. Somehow, thanks to my AMAZING momma, it all came together...

In the midst of all the wedding drama, Sam and I were patiently (haha) waiting to hear where exactly we would be spending the next several years of our married lives. Now let me tell you, as a type- A personality, with a need to plan, this was TORTURE! I wanted to research apartments, look for jobs, just dream a little, but we had no idea where we were heading, or when, as Sam hadn't heard back from any PT schools with an affirmative. And then we got THE phone call: Emory had accepted Sam. Honestly, I can't explain my pride. I was so overwhelmed. Sam had a very long journey to Physical Therapy school with a lot of let downs and obstacles to overcame, but if there is one defining characteristic of my husband he is committed; he is resilient. The relief we all felt was amazing. I don't think we even knew how much stress we had been carrying until it was lifted: our future was starting and we knew where we were going. For two weeks I spent every moment that I had free from the wedding to research places to live in and around Emory. And then there was a SECOND phone call... Sam got into MCG! With three weeks to go before our wedding we had a decision to make: a big one! And what would the last month of engagement be without at least one good, heated disagreement? Naturally, Sam and I had vastly different opinions about what our decision should be. And to make matters worse we had about 24 hours to decide as an $800 deposit was due to Emory the following day. So who would it be? Emory? Close to home, great connections, great clinical experience, and notoriety. Or MCG? A fraction of the cost. You can probably guess how we aligned. I wanted Emory and all the glory of going to such a prestigious school paired with a great city and ample job opportunities. Sam wanted the smallest bill.

In the end, cost won out... we were headed to Augusta. And a month earlier than expected! We decided after reaching that ultimate decision that we would put all other decisions regarding school on hold until we got back from the honeymoon.

Although they seemed incredibly important at the time, all of these obstacles and decisions would soon take a brutal reality check. With just over a week to go, Sam's family was dealt a shocking blow: Sam's cousin Brandon passed away in an unexpected accident. He was only nineteen years old, far too young. Honestly it was all kind of a blur, the horrible kind. Instead of a whirlwind or parties and luncheons, appointments and packing, the Monday before our wedding we all stood as a family and laid Brandon Kohler to rest. Definitely an incredibly hard and sobering day. Sam's family was amazing and somehow they all managed to partition their grief and their happiness. Despite the incredible sadness of losing a brother, son, grandson, and nephew, his entire family made it to our wedding. Let me tell you, there was NO greater gift to me. As the girl who had one entire half of her family boycott her wedding day, it meant more than anything to me that they would all come to share in our special day despite the gaping whole in all of our hearts.

Thankfully, I can look back now on the crazy months leading up to our wedding with both smiles and tears. It was an incredibly stressful time, one that I wouldn't relive again for sure. Ultimately, I just remember reminding myself of something Mike, our minister told Sam and I, "at the end of the day, no matter what, you're married". And that is truly my take away: that thankfully despite everything that occurred, we made it to and through our wedding day.

Happy New Year

2011, already? 2010 was a really big year for us! Last night as Sam and I watched the various news broadcasts about 2010 in review, I couldn't help but get the feeling that most Americans were collectively holding their breath in anticipation of a fresh start and a chance to put 2010 behind them... most of the moments and memories were a little bleak. However, as I lay there, bleary eyed, and thinking, "clock go faster or I'll never make it", I was remembering some very different moments from 2010! A LOT has happened this year for Sam and I...

Sam got into Emory for their Physical Therapy program! (SO EXCITING!)

About a week before the big day, Sam got into MCG!!!! Change of plans!

We got MARRIED!!!

Sam finally had a chance to experience my Colorado and I got to go back if only for 8 brief days as we celebrated our Honeymoon in Breckenridge!

3 weeks later we moved to Augusta! And that was just the first 5 months! Since then, we've bought a monster, I mean sweet Sterling, conquered the job market, as well as 2 full semesters of the PT program, made some great friends, turned 25 (ewww!) and fallen more in love!

With all of that, I can honestly say, I wasn't in too big of a hurry for 2010 to end! The Lord has been very good to us and we are very thankful for such a memorable year together. But time moves on, and the crystal ball dropped and we rang in the new year in our pajamas snuggled up together on the couch.

So now that we're here, I guess, welcome 2011, you've got a lot to live up too!

I never really get into the New Year's Resolution thing... like most American's I tend to make it a brief period before the motivation dies, BUT here are a few goals for this year.

1- Focus more on the Lord. And trust in Him and His plan. My timing and planning needs to take a backseat to waiting on the Lord and His perfect plan.

2- Be a better wife! God has blessed me beyond my wildest dreams by giving me Sam. Most days I just don't deserve a Husband who loves me unconditionally, tells me I'm beautiful even when my hair's a mess and I'm in sweats, deals with my moods, cooks beautiful dinners every night, and keeps the mood light and outlook positive. I am such a lucky lady and I just want to learn to love Sam more and more.

3- Get our finances in order! As with most married couples money, is one of our biggest stresses. Although, I have to admit that I am pretty proud of myself for the changes I've made to save money, we still have a lot more to learn about doing without and saving for tomorrow instead of living for today.

Where's Home?

Do you ever feel like you don't belong? Or better yet, do you ever dream of relocating? Just picking up and moving? I do, I have for a long, long, long time. I think I was about five years old when I decided that I would eventually move to Colorado. I've never wavered... Never. When I see weather forecasts like these I can't help but long for the crisp mountain air, the WHITE Christmases, weekends on the slopes, and the overwhelming beauty of Colorado. My ultimate goal has always been to return to live in a small town, like the one I was born in, (Fort Collins) where it's big enough you can get lost, small enough you feel safe, and close enough that a weekend of shredding the slopes is a quick car ride away. And when I see the ridiculous awards and statistics for this AMAZING town, I cannot help but think, I've been right all along... Colorado should be my home.

I'd love, love, LOVE to say that come May 2013 (when my wonderful Husband will be graduating) we will be ready to pack it all up and head west, but pessimism, or maybe realism is starting to settle in. In light of jobs, children, money, and family it will probably not be realistic to load up the moving vans immediately after graduation (unless of course Sam gets a clinical out there and gets an awesome job offer). So I guess in the back of my mind, as I attempt to come to grips with the delay, I've been contemplating other possible landing areas after our exodus from Augusta.

I really, honestly cannot imagine moving back to Gainesville for any long period of time... ultimately there is just too much water under the bridge for me there and I just have to believe that there is way more to this world than what Gainesville has to offer us. And currently my heart is leading back to Athens. I know, I know, I can't be a college kid forever. But there are a lot of really fabulous things about Athens. Exhibit A: football tickets, or if we can't afford tickets, at least we are close enough to tailgate and feel part of the excitement. Exhibit B: It's not Gainesville (obviously), but it IS close enough to make a quick trip home to see the family (something I thoroughly failed to appreciate when it was available to me). And if Sam and I are planning on starting a family, it would be great to be close to all the grandmas. Exhibit C: Athens Church. Now most people probably wouldn't choose a city to live in based on the church there, normally it's the other way around. But now that I'm gone both from the church and the workplace, I realize what an AMAZING church family we had there. I would be thrilled to be blessed with the messages of Andy Stanley each Sunday, a weekly small group of like minded married couples who want to "do life" together, and to be close enough to drop in on old friends and coworkers to hear the amazing life change that is occurring through their work and prayers.

Ultimately, I'm praying hard that the Lord will give me contentment during the days left in Augusta; that I will look upon this time as an opportunity to create lasting memories and family traditions for the years ahead with Sam, and that I will cease waiting for life to get better than it already is. But I'm also praying that the Lord will begin to direct our path where HE wants us to go. If it's Colorado, GREAT! I pray he would prepare a way and provide for us in the days ahead. If it's Athens, that would be wonderful too, kind of a coming home. And if it's none of the above, I pray that we would ultimately seek HIM to find fulfillment.

Busy Bees

So it has been forever since I've posted anything, sorry about that. Life has been busy, busy, busy!

Sam finished his first semester at MCG with STRAIGHT A's!!! I was pretty darn impressed myself, I secretly wanted to call all the schools who passed him by and let them know just what they had missed out on! But, I resisted. Instead, Sam and I celebrated with a night out to one of our favorite, favorite restaurants: Chops. For the past several years, my mom's husband has given Sam and I a fabulous gift at Christmas: a gift card to Buckhead Life Restaurant Group. The card allows you to eat at many different restaurants in Atl and the great part is you get 20% more at Christmas or when you reload an old card. Pretty sweet deal! Sam and I have been to Chops every time because it is simply fabulous! They have the most delicious flash fried lobster tail.... yum! And the steaks are incredible!

Other than that we've been busy with the following:

1- Sam had a weak off (= me JEALOUS!!!) He spent his time between semesters relaxing, playing video games, and getting in a round of golf. Now it's back to school for what is said to be the toughest semester of all.

2- Sam's long-time friend Jack Jackson came to visit making him our first official non-parental house guest!

3-Puppy Training classes with Sterling. In case you missed it, Sam and I bought a Weimaraner puppy about 8 weeks ago. He is 16 WEEKS today and growing like a weed. If you've ever thought about this breed, here is a great quiz. It pretty much sums up life with Sterling for the past 8 weeks! http://www.weimrescue.org/quiz/ The whole bit about carrying water in their mouth... so true! I read it and thought, "how bad can it be? it's just a little water" Well, I'm here to tell you that we've flooded the floor a couple of times with his giant bowl of water... he steps in it, slips into it, flips it... Not to mention, you'd think he was training for some kind of Olympic game... the "carry water in your mouth the farthest event". He makes it all the way to the other end of the house, leaking a little all the way, before he releases it all and then proceeds to play in the awesome puddle he created! Despite it all, he's pretty phenomenal and puppy training has been going fairly well. He can sit, lay down, stay (when he wants to), leave it, and we are working on "bang" (play dead). He loves his daddy like crazy, and every time he makes we want to scream at the top of my lungs, he looks at me with his big ol' eyes like "sorry mom, forgive me?", and you can't not forgive the little boy.

4- We've booked a cruise! This may be one of the craziest things we've done, but it was just the perfect opportunity that will probably never work out so smoothly again. Our one year anniversary just happens to be the weekend before the Masters, and here in Augusta, pretty much all schools have spring break the week of the Masters (I guess so locals can flee the insanity if they so choose). So Sam is off and I'll have worked for 6 months meaning I will have accrued enough paid time off to take the whole week off!!! We are going about it as cheaply as we possibly can, as we figure we've never been on a cruise at all, so we'll probably think it's wonderful no matter what. And we have years and years to upgrade the vacation status later! Plus, as we booked so early, we are paying less per day than a hotel room in Savannah would cost us... pretty sweet deal! It will be a wonderful way to relax and splurge a little on ourselves as we celebrate our first year as husband and wife!

5- I was ROBBED!!! Yep, on Friday night someone broke into my car, smashed the window, and stole my purse out of the back seat. I will admit that I was an idiot to leave the purse in there, but I felt that I was in a safe place (the vet) and as it was an emergency, I quickly jumped out, locked my door and ran in. Here is how it all unfolded:

On friday night Sam and I were playing cards with some of our friends, Matt and Emily. Emily happened to notice something weird with Sterling's eyes. One had constricted and the other dilated. We waited a few to see if they would return to normal and then, as our vet is open 24 hours, I called to see if I should be concerned. They said to bring him in immediately as it could be a sign of a neurological condition. I raced out and Sam stayed to keep Matt and Emily company until I could return. I was there for a total of 21 minutes. In that time Sterling saw the vet, I called Sam to inform him I needed to stay for another 10-15, we walked around outside (in front of my car I might add), Sterling saw the vet again, and we left... or tried to. We got into the car and Sterling immediately chomped down on GLASS!!! What the heck! It took me a minute to realize what had happened, but it was all gone, credit cards, debit card, license, check book. I guess my one happy thought in all of this has been that whomever it was, they chose the wrong person... They stole about a 6 year old purse that probably cost about $60 back then, a wallet that had already been partially chewed on, and about 6 cents.

All of this has kept us pretty busy for the past several weeks, but we are looking forward to a long weekend and the kickoff to the Georgia football season. My momma is coming down to stay for the weekend, so look for a new post soon!

Lucky Lady

Believe it or not, it has been 100 days since Sam and I got married! Time continues to fly: we've moved to a new city, started school, started a new job, bought a puppy... I can't imagine what we will have seen and done in a year!

These 100 days have shown me that I am truly blessed. Sam is my best friend and he understands me far more than I often give him credit for. In our premarital counseling, Mike said something that has turned out to be so true... one of the best things Sam can do for me is protect me from myself. Sam has really shown that to me. Over the past five years he has learned my tendencies and knows how best to protect me from the unhealthy decisions I often make. I have truly found a partner to walk through life and that is something to cherish!

Not only am I blessed to have an awesome husband that loves me and takes care of me, but I'm a lucky lady because my husband is pretty darn cool! I'll take this opportunity to brag!

Firstly, if Physical Therapy were to ever not work out, Sam is an excellent brick layer! Haha! Let me explain: Our house is fairly old and I guess one of it's semi-adorable idiosyncrasies is that it has "flower beds" all around the perimeter of the house. The problem with this cute idea is that our house is surrounded my some of the tallest pine trees in the world and our house gets about an hour of direct sunlight on two sides. The second problem is that we have really long overhangings, so not only were the beds receiving zero light, but they also received no water. At some point, someone planted several azaleas, which were understandably sad and pathetic; picture those small, twisted trees from the desert. So one weekend Sam and I decided to transplant them and see if we could save them. The result left a bed of weeds and bugs, neither of which did I want to keep. So Sam decided to match what was already an odd theme around the house and fill it in with bricks. I doubted this project, but I've learned to leave him to it, because he won't stop until he is satisfied. He scouted the whole yard and uncovered a few dozen bricks. He copied the patterns in the other beds, and in the end we have a neat bed of bricks! : ) But truly, it's much better than before, and Sam discovered a new talent!

Another possibility for Sam if PT ever falls through would be the pizza business. Honestly, he is AMAZING! Everyone who tastes his pizza says that it's fantastic. When we were back home, my mom would always ask if Sam was coming over because she wanted homemade pizza for dinner. It is delicious! And the best part: he makes half for me exactly how I like it!

Now you may be thinking that Sam's Physical Therapy dreams are dim as I find all these other opportunities for him. Thankfully, that is far from the truth! Sam will not need his brick laying skills nor his pizza making abilities any time soon. Despite the difficulties he experienced getting into PT school, Sam is doing AWESOME in the MCG PT program! He's completed one course, Human Anatomy, with an A!!! And he even made the highest grade in the class on a Research test! Pretty sweet!

So in culmination, I am one lucky lady! 100 days have been a dream come true, and I'm looking forward to hundreds and hundreds more!

Wild 4th of July Weekend

What a weekend! I know I'm a little slow in getting the details up of our wacky July 4th, but I've been so busy (you'll understand why shortly).

Luckily Sam's program gave all the PT's an extra long holiday: he had a test on Wednesday but he didn't have to be back on till today, the next Thursday. Sam and I had been planning on spending the whole week home visiting family; however, I recently acquired a full time job, so my trip was cut short. Last Thursday Sam left for home and I was to follow suit Friday after I got home from work. And this is where the trouble begins. I had previously contacted the vet about getting a mild sedative for our cat Everest.

She really hates car rides, and it's a very unpleasant trip to make alone. The vet prescribed a little pill... Everest hates pills. I came home from work in a desperate hurry to get on the road. I scooped Everest up and grabbed the ominous pill. She fought immediately, twisting and scratching. It's nearly impossible to get her to swallow a pill, she bites you, and unless you really get it down her throat, she just spits it back out. But on I fought. She bit the pill in half at one point, and I was fairly sure that she swallowed one piece, so I just had to get half the pill down, and we could get on the road. All in all, it was about a 15 minute process. Thinking at the very least the pill had dissolved in her mouth, I jumped off the bed with my bleeding finger to bandage myself and call Sam. While on the phone with him, I saw my baby jump off the bed... she fell. Now my sweet Everest isn't the most graceful cat in the world, but she doesn't just fall over. I watched her stand up, but could see that she was really wobbly. I told Sam that I thought something was wrong and I wanted to call the vet. By the time I hung up with him and called the vet (thank God for 24 hour vets) my baby had completely lost mobility in her legs! She was just lying on the floor trying to pull herself towards me with her front paws, but she couldn't stand at all. I told the receptionist what had happened and she set to come in immediately. Of course I'm already thinking that I might not make it, and she may die! Ughhh! It was awful! She was practically paralyzed! I ended up staying at the vet for about an hour where they ran tests and monitored her. In the end they decided that she had an "adverse reaction" to the sedative, but that it would wear off over the next 10-12 hours!!! Well I was a mess, so my momma and Sam decided that they would drive to Augusta to come stay with me that night because I was so afraid of what might happen. I took my baby home and watched her detox for the next 3 hours. By the time Sam and momma got to Augusta, she was able to walk, but was very wobbly and fell over every few steps. It was one of the scariest nights ever! Thankfully by the next morning she was almost fully recovered! Obviously, I decided that there would be no pill for this trip home and we all set out for Gainesville for the official start of my long weekend!

Before the aforementioned insanity, Sam had gotten to Gainesville on Thursday, and he had gone into his old work at ProTherapy to visit with friends. While there he learned that one of his coworkers had a litter of Weimaraner puppies for sale. Sam sent me a picture... too cute! I knew Sam had really wanted a dog for a long time, so we added plans to go look at the puppies to our weekend. We spent a good part of Saturday at Sam's house laying out by the pool and enjoying the cooler weather! That evening, my mom and Stuart came over to enjoy dinner with Sam's family and we had a great time! Sunday we made plans to see the puppies. Sam and I had already talked and decided that if Sam really wanted one, that now was as good of time as any, and we have a great place. So obviously... we ended up with a puppy by the end of the day. We made plans for Sam to pick up our little boy on Tuesday when he came home.

I headed out Monday afternoon with Everest in tow to get the house ready for our new addition. Sam worked at ProTherapy Tuesday to make some extra money and then picked up our little puppy after work and headed home to me! By 10 o'clock our entire family was under one roof for the first time! Meet Sterling: He was 8 weeks old on Tuesday, and he loves his daddy to death! He's not so sure about his sister yet, as she regularly smacks him in the nose, but we are definitely one happy family.

In addition to our little puppy, our families were incredibly generous to us while we were home. My momma worked on a beautiful dried flower arrangement for our dining room. She has a great eye for this, and I always love what she comes up with. Dried flowers are kind of pricey, but the look so much nicer than silk. It turned out great! I probably need to trim some of the grass, but it looks beautiful and added a great deal of color to our dull little dining room corner.

Sam's momma was also very thoughtful! She knows how much Sam loves to grill and decided to get us an early birthday present. Sam grilled yummy hamburgers last night and is currently working on pork chops tonight. He loves it! I am pretty thrilled myself because on top of having a happy husband and tasty dinner, there are less dishes!!! Thanks Genie!

As you can see we had a fun-filled weekend that started out full of insanity and ended the same way! Now we just have to argue over who gets up in the middle of the night! But we couldn't be happier to have everyone healthy and back under one roof!

So, a blog huh?

I guess I am officially joining the crowd and becoming a member of the blogging community. It’s another one of those things, that I swore I’d never do, because I mean, “who reads those things?”. To answer it, I do, so I might as well join my voice with everyone else. Now is as good of time as any.

In fact, now may be one of the more popular times to start a blog, as I’m in the “newlywed phase”. Based on so many of my friends who have married before me, it seems like a blog is the thing to do for the newly married. Why? I don’t know, probably for several reasons. Firstly, it probably has something to do with the feeling of severed ties. You are a unit now, not an individual, and in some ways it feels kind of isolating, contrary to what it might seem. Secondly, so that family (read this as moms) can keep track of you and your family without feeling nosy. Thirdly, it probably has something to do with social networking. So many of my friends (and myself) got married before careers and everything were completely set in stone, so there is also the aspect of starting real life, and some contacts sure won’t hurt.

I guess I fall into all three of these categories. I could certainly use any networking available, I’m sure our moms will be the major followers of this blog, but the main force driving me is the feeling of isolation. I have no idea exactly how writing to no one in particular solves that, but putting pen to paper (figuratively) has always helped me order my thoughts, and maybe the idea that someone could read it removes some of the isolation.

Not only am I a very recent newlywed (just over 6 weeks), but I’m also a resident of a new city where I know one person… my husband. Talk about feelings of isolation! And to top it off, I’ve knowingly chosen a life that I swore I would never have--I am the wife of a medical student. I am surprisingly pleased with this status and so very proud of my husband, but it is not the path I thought I'd be on 5 years ago. Why is that so taboo to me? Well, I grew up to my mom’s horror stories of doing exactly what I’ve just done… marrying my dad and leaving everything she knew to go with him when he got into dental school in Louisville, KY. She didn’t know a soul, she had no job, a son to take care of, and a husband who spent 20 hours a day at school slicing open cadavers or at home in silence studying. Thankfully there are some differences between my mom’s story and mine: The Lord was good to me and only sent me 2.5 hours away from my family instead of 9, I don’t have a young son to care for, just a 1 year old cat (Everest), and I seriously doubt that my husband will spend 20 hours a day studying. As he explains it to me, he would either go crazy or his head will explode!

Despite these distinct differences, I am coming to realize that the next three years are full of unknowns, and I HATE unknowns. I like lists, I like order, I like to know exactly what steps get me where I want to go, and I like to be in control. However, I think God has a different plan. I have decided to trust, which is something that I am very bad at, but I am going to trust Him, that His reasons and His plans are infinitely better than the ones I would have come up with. I’ve decided to trust that God fully comprehends our financial situation, and that He will provide; that He hears and understands my loneliness, but that He is using this time to draw me closer to my husband, and ultimately to Him; and that He has the timeline of my years planned for me, so I can stop with all the worry.

So here’s to believing that I have not been abandoned no matter how alone I may feel, and trusting that the next chapter of my life is being written by the ultimate Author.