Three Cheers for Three Months

Holy Moly... somehow he's already three months old. He actually turned three months on Monday, but it takes me about three to five days to write a post these days. I've become the WORST BLOGGER EVER. I blogged like once, maybe twice since the last monthly update. Seriously??? Terrible. And I really do have things to say other than crap about how much he eats and what he likes. I'm just struggling to find my rhythm with work, daycare, bottles, diapers, and the rest of life. I'm slowly phasing out of my part time position at my church though, and I think that will help my blogging life a good bit. Bear with me. I'm not going anywhere; I'm just crappy for the time being. But I filled the monthly update with cute pictures as a reward... feel free to scroll right on by the words!

Name: still Garrison Carter, or at least it is to us... We're still working on making that official.

I just like to smile. Smiling's my favorite.

Nicknames: Little Butt, Chunker, Little Man, Buddy... nothing too exciting yet. Although I have caught myself once or twice calling him Sterling when I'm really frustrated, like "Sterling, there's nothing to cry about! Why are you crying!?!?"... I'm not sure if this is because I'm delirious from lack of sleep, or if I'm just so use to yelling at Sterling that when I get frustrated, it's automatic. Bless.

Swinging outside with mom and pretending to wear a hat.
Side note: WHY do baby hats fall off in less than a second?

Stats: 10 lbs 2.6 oz and 22 inches. You know your baby is tiny when the tenths of ounces still matter at three months. For reference, Erika and I were discussing that Millie weighed more than Garrison at her first month appointment. He's still wearing 0-3 months in most things, and we're waiting for him to grow into a few brands (Gap, Ralph Lauren). We've just started the transition to cloth diapers (heaven help me) but when he wears a disposable, he's happy in a size 1.

For reference, Garrison is the red dot for height and weight.
The bottom line of each is the second percentile, so umm,
yeah we're not even on the chart yet.

Eating: In light of his stats, we're continuing to fortify his formula to 22 calories per ounce. He still eats about three ounces every three hours. We're trying to convince him to eat four ounces in the afternoon in the hopes that he'll sleep longer at night. I'm honestly not all that stressed about his eating or growth. Maybe I should be??? I've been surprisingly a very unstressed mama. He eats pretty much like clockwork, so I just fail to worry. Last week he was definitely going through some kind of growth spurt because homeboy was going to die if he didn't get four ounces every 180 minutes... 181 minutes or anything less than 120mL and the world was going to end. This insanity ended just as abruptly as it began. He's back to being quite content with three ounces.

"I couldn't be cuter if I tried, ma. It's natural."

Sleeping: Oh for the love. I slept in my mom's bed for part of the night almost every night until I was about 10 years old. The saying "payback is a b$%@#" is proving to be quite true. I'm reading a really interesting series right now on sleep training and self soothing. I like the author a lot because she recognizes that this is a lightning rod for so many parents. If you stray just a teeny bit from what another parent, you could be blasted for ruining your child for life (I have so much to say about THIS... later, I promise.) The author asks a question that's so simple, but it was really enlightening: What are your goals for your baby’s sleep? Simple, right? But it's essential to know how you answer this question. And to recognize that when your friend recommends something, she may be doing so hoping to answer that question completely differently. For me, I want Garrison to sleep in his crib in his room by 6 months. I would love to have him sleep through the night by that point as well, but I do recognize that he's smaller and may actually need nighttime feeds longer. So I'll say this, I'd like him to be able to soothe himself back to sleep by 6 months (earlier would be great) unless he actually NEEDS to eat. And the caveat is that I'd like to accomplish all of this without utilizing the "cry it out" method. I'm not afraid to let him cry, but I just want to make sure it's purposeful crying... does that make sense? At this point, he has zero ability to self soothe. The more he wakes up, the more hysterical he gets. He cannot find his own paci (and the paci only soothes him 30ish% of the time), he cannot locate his thumb (or fist). He simply has no means to soothe himself back to sleep. As he wakes up, he starts to stir and stretch, which causes his arms to loosen in his swaddle, which allows him to wake and move more, which allows more movement until his swaddle is up to his chin or his arms sneak out the top thus allowing for a complete melt down. I felt that we had almost reached the promised land of one wake up a night, but then the growth spurt hit and everything fell apart. We're trying to get back to that, and we're close, but I still can't call it a restful night of sleep. Last night I was up every 2-2.5 hours trying to soothe him... not feed him, just help him get back to sleep. At some point (typically around 4:30-5:30) I cave out of exhaustion and just hold him for the rest of the morning so that I can at least doze semi peacefully. He is definitely not a deep sleeper despite being swaddled tightly and having white noise blasting full force. I have a feeling we will still be talking about this particular item in the months and years to come.

"Me, tired? No, I'm not tired at all mom."

Likes: SMILING. He learned to smile right on time at his two month appointment, but it was uncontrolled. Meaning he'd smile without intending to and then get upset that he smiled… it would have been kind of hilarious if a crying baby wasn't so sad/frustrating. He'd smile and it was like the movement of the muscles disturbed him so much, that the smile would instantly cause him to dissolve into tears. But now he's MASTERED smiling and really cracks himself up. There's not really one thing that does it for him, but if I had to pick his number one smile producer it would be himself... looking at himself in the mirror is almost a guarantee.

Catching a smile, however, can prove difficult.

Dislikes: We're at an interesting place. Garrison is and always has been a fussy baby… that's the nice word for it. There were stretches where he cried more than he slept, and crying and sleeping FAR out measured his stretches of just being awake and not screaming. We've definitely turned the corner and he's generally content. He still can get set off on long crying spells, but typically, I have no idea what set him off. It's like zero to full on melt down at fire alarm volume in about two seconds. So he definitely dislikes something; I just don't know what it is.

Trying out my first cloth diaper. Admittedly, cloth diapering
is a little bit about vanity for me… mostly saving money,
but a little bit about cute butts.

Undecided about: Singing, reading, sleeping… really most of life. Some days signing makes him smile… and some days "Itsy Bitsy Spider" makes him scream like I'm ripping his toenails off. Some days he'll sit semi-quite-ish while I read a book… other times the sound of me reading is akin to nails on a chalkboard. Some days he knocks out and sleeps sooooo contentedly that I have to check on him multiple times to make sure he's breathing. And other times sleeping is the worst. thing. ever.


He's also pretty undecided still about pacifiers. I REALLY wish I had a way to change this. I'm sure I'll be thankful in a year or two, but today, I'd do just about anything if he'd fall in love with a paci.

My super duper cute (and true!) onesie from Suzanne

Looking forward to: You know, on one hand the passage of each month (hell, each week really) is S-A-D… like 12 weeks made me cry. I've waited so long to have this little baby, and now the days are going so, so fast. And it's not like I can just "have another" when the mood strikes. He very well may be the only baby I ever have, and that's hard to comprehend. BUT, I can honestly say that every day is better than the one before. Month two was a lot better than the first month… we kind of found our rhythm and I figured out just a teeny bit about what I was doing. And month three was better than month two. Smiling babies are THE BEST. It just feels like the trend here is it just gets better and better. I'm looking forward to it all. Every single moment.

"Oh ma"

I didn't think he was changing all that much until I made this. Oh. My. Gosh.
Where did my baby go?!?! At least he just gets cuter.

In other news, we had our second post placement visit last Saturday. Two visits are required to get on the docket in Florida, so we should now be able to officially get a finalization date. It will feel REALLY good just to have this on the calendar. We're kind of hoping that we can get an early enough date (maybe August or September) that we can travel to Jacksonville for the court date AND go in for a consultation at FIRM (our IVF clinic). We're still hoping to stay on track with a transfer of our remaining embryos in mid January, but a lot of things (including finances) have to fall into place for that to work out. Someone asked if that would put our babies too close together. Ha. Oh I don't know. You should go ask Aubrey or Suzanne about having a lot of babies close together. IF, and that's a really BIG if, the transfer worked, it would be about 4-6 weeks before Garrison turns one. And IF the transfer actually works and brings home a baby, it would mean two under two, but that still feels okay to me. I don't really think the transfer has much of a chance, but I need to do this. I need to go back for my babies. My heart is a thousand times better than it was in March of 2014. I'm prepared for this again. I think.

But in the mean time, we're just thoroughly enjoying life with our little man. He's the best thing about my day and has brightened my life and heart in miraculous ways. I'm not sure if he'll ever comprehend the gift he is to me, but I hope he knows that he is very, VERY loved.

Here's to hoping I blog again before he's four months old.

Two Truths

My first Mother's Day as a mom is in the books. I must admit, it was infinitely better than years past. I woke up to sweet smiles from my baby (after dealing with a vomtrocious dog at 5am). People were happy to hug my neck, look me in the eye, and finally whisper words they've longed to say. Yesterday was good. But the truth is, there are scars far too deep for Mother's Day to ever be this crazy joyful celebration. I know the pain too intimately to forget even if time does heal all wounds.

There seemed to be 1,000 articles and posts written about Mother's Day this year, and just about every one made me smile. I think it's good to acknowledge the pain, the hurt, the sadness of the day. It doesn't mean we stop celebrating. It means we hold two equally important truths, one in each hand as we approach Mother's Day each year. Truth one: mothers are worth celebrating. Truth two: that celebration, while good, and true, and valuable, will inevitably cause someone else pain. Either she's mourning the mother she never knew, or he's wishing for more time with his dying mother. She may be longing to have her mother back, or he may be hoping to heal an estranged relationship. She may be mourning the loss of her children, or longing to have them return home. For many the day hurts because the one they want to celebrate with isn't available. And then there's those who long to be mothers. Who approach the holiday with trepidation for the comments from others, for the bitterness and sadness that will inevitably arise. Mother's Day is good and mothers are worth celebrating, but that celebration will inevitably cause someone pain.

My first Mother's Day was good. I felt loved, celebrated, valued. But I also felt sadness. Sadness for the babies who came before, who had the opportunity to make me a mom, but in basic terms did not. Sadness for my friends who long for the touch of their mother just one more time. Sadness for Garrison's birth mother. While I'm happy to have my son, it is not lost on me that her loss is my gain. I felt sadness for friends who should be celebrating, but had lost their babies. And those who should have more little ones to celebrate with than they do. And finally, I felt sadness for my friends, my beautiful, beautiful friends who are still in the trenches of infertility or reoccurring pregnancy loss. This day can be so beautiful is you've never known loss, if you have and love your mother, if all of your children are living. But it can also be an incredibly painful day, one that only your bed, a box of chocolate, and the promise of a new day can relieve.

As I said, I read many articles as the day approached, and I think this quote from Melanie Dale at Unexpected summed it up best: "And so there’s the tension. Of wild partying in the Mommy Club and intense grieving over the ones experiencing the pain that I remember too well. And I can’t and won’t resolve the tension, but instead acknowledge them both. I will woo-hoo and weep for all the women." I felt that tension throughout the day. Even within the infertility community there is this tension. For every new woman who slips into the trenches, someone is climbing out. It is good and noble to celebrate those who finally crawl out, while recognizing the pain of those who slip in.

That's it, that's the way we approach and handle Mother's Day each year… dancing with wild abandon for those who get the honor of the title mom, because an honor it is. But in the same moment, it's bowing our heads and turning our faces to see those who are hurting. Melanie closes with this, "while woo-hooing the precious moms I adore, I intercede for the barren with prayers to a God I don’t understand. I exchange knowing gazes and nod my head with respect. The wound is healed, but the scar is gargantuan." For the mamas on the other side of infertility, can I get an "amen"? My wound is far from healed, but I can see that one day it will be… but that scar, it's never going away.

So to those for whom Mother's Day is time of celebration, I hope you felt loved and valued for the handwork that is mothering. I hope you got extra sleep, sweet cards, flowers, and sloppy kisses because you deserve it. And for those who view Mother's Day with fear and sadness, I hope your day past uneventfully, whether in bed with the covers over your head, or out in the sunshine with too many things to keep you busy. But most importantly I hope you felt seen because your pain is valid and real.

Two Months Too Fast

Somehow another month has passed and my sweet baby is two months old! I'm both mesmerized and terrified at how quickly the days go by. I missed a third of the first month, and half of it was in the hospital, so maybe that explains it, but this month was better in my opinion. I feel like he knows me, like maybe I'm more than just the person with the bottle.

Nicknames: it kind of depends on his temperament at the time. Little Butt and Stinky Butt (thanks Alimentum) are good standbys and Sir Cries-a-lot has gotten a good bit of use. 

Stats: 8lbs 12oz and 21 inches

To me, we've had a good growth in a month... about two inches and two and a quarter pounds. But we're still not on the standard growth chart and we're under the 25th percentile for gestational age on the preemie chart. I'm not really worried, but the pediatrician wants us to bump up the calorie content. We're now fortifying him to 22 calories per ounce. Unfortunately, I'm not sure if it's helping as he isn't finishing his bottles as much now. I guess we'll see though... he's got a weight check in three weeks to see how we're doing. 

Eating: He's still eating about three ounces every three hours. We had almost transitioned to four ounces, but he slowed down in the last week. He's doing about 8 bottles a day. Typically one or two are four ounces, and one or two are two ounces (typically late night/early morning). We've decided to transition to Similac Sensitive from Silimac Alimentum as no one is convinced that he actually has a milk allergy. It's day two of all Sensitive and things are going pretty well. If it takes a turn, we'll obviously switch back, but my wallet really appreciates half price formula.

Sleeping: He's sleeping pretty good at night, staying with the three hour feed schedule that he's created for himself. Every now and then he skips a feed (the 11pm) and makes it until 1-2am... it's obviously glorious when it happens, but I can't seem to control it or replicate it. His daytime sleep schedule is thinning out. He'd optimally be awake for about an hour to an hour and a half (that's the sweet spot) but he's been waking up a good bit during the day.  Lots of little cat naps of 15-30 minutes now rather than large chunks of napping.

Likes: he's still a really big fan of baths. It's pretty much the only time he enjoys skin to skin, but he also enjoys floating on his back and kicking his little feet. He's developed a love affair with ceiling fans. Someone should have mentioned that babies like ceiling fans before I took his out of his room. Oh well... his room is pretty. That's most important, right? 

Dislikes: He still hates hiccups. Bless his heart. He's also not a fan of tummy troubles. He's on Zantac for reflux, which he also hates. I mean I think he likes not having acidic formula come up his throat, but he is NOT a fan of the medicine. It supposedly tastes awful. He's also on prescription drops for stomach discomfort, because tummy troubles suck.

Looking forward to: I think we've seen our first real smile, but I'm definitely looking forward to that becoming more regular and predictable.

Not looking forward to: I'm on my last week of maternity leave. While my bank account will appreciate my return, my heart is understandably sad. My intention was always to stay home, especially after infertility hit. These days are precious and I may never get to experience these newborn days again, but the reality of our financial situation says that if we hope to have another child at some time, I need to continue working. The good news is that I actually really like my job. The career move was a good one early this year as returning to a job I really enjoy is I'm sure infinitely easier than the alternative. And they've been really good to me! They took a HUGE risk by hiring me and it kind of backfired on them... three weeks on the job and I was gone. But even in light of that, they offered me two more weeks than I was originally expecting. I'm sure it won't be as bad as I'm expecting. My job keeps me busy, so the day will go quickly. But I admittedly feel guilty about sending him off to daycare. And I worry about him bonding with day care workers over me. Not sure if that's a normal fear or a special adoption attachment fear, but it's there. So yeah, not looking forward to giving this sweet baby up for 9 hours a day.

It was a really wonderful month. My only complaint is that it went too fast. Little Man is so incredible (even when he's screaming bloody murder in my ear for half an hour). He is such a precious addition to our family and we know that we are truly blessed to call him ours. 

Dear Sister, You Are Not Alone

So it's the eleventh hour, but I just felt like I needed to get something together for National Infertility Awareness Week. It certainly won't be award winning, but infertility is just as significant in my life this year as last… it's time to represent.

This year's theme is fabulous… You Are Not Alone. Perfect. Because that's exactly what infertility makes you feel: alone. How do I know? Because I wrote this, and this before I ever found this community. I was 26 years old, dealing with the aftermath of my first miscarriage and a potential diagnosis of infertility and I felt SO ALONE. I distinctly remember feeling like no one in the entire world could possibly understand. I remember thinking I was likely the only twenty something dealing with this crap as everyone around me was getting pregnant WITHOUT TRYING. That season was filled with more pregnancy announcements than I'd like to count of people who "forgot to take the pill at Jill's wedding" or "just skipped the condom one time." And here I was, charting my basal body temperature every morning and pretending like I could fool my husband into thinking I suddenly wanted sex morning, noon, and night. The word alone doesn't even encompass what I was feeling.

But then something amazing began to happen. Because of this teeny, tiny little blog, with approximately three followers at the time, I began to learn that I wasn't alone. I began to discover, ever so slowly, the blogging community. On the recommendation of a friend, I discovered Erika's blog. I remember thinking that it must be impossible that another girl could have had these same thoughts… add in that she was also in her twenties and lived in Georgia, and well, I could hardly believe it. Her blog led me to other blogs, which led to other blogs. I was suddenly no longer alone. Soon I was emailing Caroline, discovering Aubrey, finding Kimberly. I went from all alone to surrounded by other girls. We all had different stories, different diagnoses, different treatment goals, but we were the same in more ways than we were different. We were the same in all the ways that mattered to my broken and beaten heart.

And the more I blogged, the more I met other women. Within just a few months, I'd found lifelong friends. Women would find something in a post worth reaching out and they'd email me. Sometimes it was just a quick correspondence, and sometimes a friendship blossomed. I just finished an email to my friend Kara who I "met" in October 2012. My precious friend Annie and I text regularly with one another. It's amazing what has blossomed from, "Hi, my name is _____, and I'm infertile too." In the midst of isolation and despair, friendship and hope blossomed as I learned that I was anything but alone.

My circumstances never really changed. If anything, they simply got worse. I went from thinking I might possibly need intrauterine insemination to achieve a pregnancy to realizing I'd likely need in vitro fertilization just to conceive. My circumstances have become more and more bleak, but my outlook has improved over the years. The reason is simple. I am not alone. I am surrounded by beautiful, strong, courageous women who I consider it an honor to walk with through this journey. Everything is better when you have a friend by your side. My fear that I was alone proved a thousand percent untrue. I have been blessed with beautiful friendships simply because at one time or another, we all thought we were alone.

So I guess that's my hope. If you find yourself dealing with a miscarriage you never saw coming, or you're thinking about getting blood work to see if there's an answer to why you haven't gotten pregnant, or if you've been suffering in silence for years, quietly hiding your trips to the doctor as you pursue treatment for infertility, know that you, dear sister, are absolutely not alone. Far from it.

Wonderful Weekends

SOOO! The last couple of weekends have been amazing! Now some may say that I'm currently living one giant weekend as I'm not going into work. They would be WRONG! Can I get an "Amen" from the stay at home moms? Totally a difference. But the last two weekends were definitely what weekends were made for. 

Last Friday was our 5th anniversary. Obviously we couldn't do much, but I'm pleased to say that we did celebrate. We're five for five on our commitment to celebrate our anniversary each year. This year we decided that each of us could use some time to relax, so Sam went to play a round of golf and I got a massage and a facial. Golf is Sam's happy place... He LOVES it, but it's like the most expensive hobby ever, so he rarely gets to play. I LOVE massages, but that's definitely a luxury thing for me... my last one was for our second anniversary, three years ago. While we were out for the day, Sam's mom kept Little Man for us. That afternoon we picked him up and went over to my mom's. She kindly offered to watch him for the night, so we went out to dinner at Bonefish and then spent the night at Chateau Elan. Chateau Elan is literally across the street from my mom's subdivision, so we were approximately three minutes away. It was nice to be close enough that I could relax, but separate enough that we could enjoy each other and celebrate five years together. It wasn't the most glamorous anniversary, but I'm really proud that we found a way to keep our promise for another year. I don't have any photos though, so you'll have to just trust me that it happened. 

On Saturday, the day after our anniversary my mom hosted a baby shower for us. It was really wonderful! She worked really hard on decorations, and the house was BEAUTIFUL! It was a really special day for our family and family friends to come meet Garrison and shower our family with love. 

Mom thoroughly enjoyed making a gazillion tissue paper flowers

The beautiful spread

Our one any only interest flop… Mom's goal were those tulle balloons you see
everywhere. FYI… they don't float. Like at all. So some gold spray paint to the rescue.

Sam had present duty for approximately one gift before he vacated the seat of honor

Happy little Greavu family

Mom was really wise (and awesome) and used items that I wanted
for his nursery for the shower decorations. This little
elephant will now take up residence in the nursery.

Sunday was Easter and Garrison's first time at church. We decided to take him to Waumba Land (preschool) as a packed auditorium and a screaming baby sounds awful. 

When you can't hunt Easter eggs, Easter is kind of a snooze.

He got the royal treatment complete with VIP stickers, an "Athens, I love You" onesie, and a sticker to celebrate his first time in Waumba Land. 

I wanted one of him awake, but first days at church are exhausting.

I think I was a good bit more excited about his first day in Waumba, as he pretty much snoozed. For me, this was a very long awaited day. I've served in the preschool ministry since August of 2012. I've watched hundreds of pregnant bellies and baby carriers walk past my door every Sunday for years. But even more, every Sunday for years, I've checked myself in only to have the parent pickup sticker print. Sunday after Sunday, I've simply thrown that part away, but no longer. 

I'll be needing that parent pickup sticker now!

It was a really incredible weekend. One filled with long awaited dreams come true, redemption, and lots of celebrations! It was also pretty crazy to think that this time next year we'll have a one year old to celebrate Easter with. Still surreal to think that this is my life. 

Yesterday my sweet friends here in Athens through me a second baby shower. These ladies have been some of my biggest supporters and cheerleaders over the last few years. In a lot of ways, Garrison is the fruits of their labor as they have spent countless hours in prayer for our family. It was so special to get to celebrate with them and introduce him to the answer to their prayers.

Beautiful (and delicious) cupcakes by my friend, Laura.
Notice that she wrote a bazillion nicknames for Garrison.

The beautiful spread of food. My friend, Danielle, has
THE BEST house. Seriously. Add that she and her husband are
great cooks, and well, they could sell tickets to be friends with them.

Some of the beautiful decorations that the girls came up with…
don't be jealous, my friend Kristin is a ridiculously
popular interior designer.

The remaining Athenian members of my original small group…
love these girls to pieces!

Current small group (minus one). So thankful for each of these ladies!

These weekends have been so special! I wasn't sure if I'd ever get to have a baby shower… kind of a always the bridesmaid, never the bride, type of deal. But now I've had TWO and they were both so special! And while it makes for a rough first few weeks, it's pretty awesome to have your baby with you at the baby shower. We're so, so thankful for the outpouring of love and gifts we've received since bringing Garrison home. He's going to be one well dressed  and well read little dude. 

When I Said I Do

Five years. That's what we're celebrating today! Five years of marriage. 

This anniversary admittedly kind of snuck up on me. I haven't really spent the past few days leading up to this anniversary reminiscing or looking back through old wedding photos. I think I've got a pretty good excuse though, right?

Last night as a held Little Butt I read back through my old posts on past anniversaries. There is definitely a theme in the last few... for better or for worse. When I said I do, I had no idea what "for worse" really meant. How could I? I was 24 years old… I felt old, but gosh, I was just a baby. We had no clue that our vows would be tested by fire so soon. No one saw infertility coming. No one could have predicated the bomb that would soon drop right in the midst of our marriage. We were barely 16 months in when our first tragedy struck. Since that moment, I think we've seen our fair share of the for worse part those vows talk about. 

On one anniversary, I wrote the following, "but the really cool part about marriage: you've got somebody to walk through the 'for worse' with. And when the 'for better' comes, that person understands better than anyone else how much you have to celebrate!" I stand by that today. The last year was filled with much of the same. While it wasn't necessarily our darkest days because we didn't lose any pregnancies or embryos, there will still some really hard, dark days. A lot of fear. A lot of doubt. A lot of worry. We've recently turned a pretty big corner, obviously. We've crossed over and we are certainly in our "for better" days right now. It is fantastic to walk through these days with my husband, not only because I love him, but because he has intimately known and faced the "for worse" days with me. He knows just how much better these good days actually are. For better is a whole not sweeter when you're seen for worse.

Although I feel like we're basking in the the sun's warm glows these days, I know that there will be dark days ahead. I'm not naive enough to think we've experienced the last of our for worse. There will be more hard days. We will get sick, we will experience financial stress, we will lose a loved one. It's inevitable… a part of any marriage. Even just in terms of family building, we will shed more tears. Of that, I am sure. If there's one thing the last few years has taught me, it's that we will survive. We've been through a lot and we're still here. For better or for worse… we've lived it all. 

Five years isn't really that long, but I think it's long enough to be proud of. I'm proud that five years later, I would still chose him. Despite all of it, everything we've been through, I'd still chose him, and I hope he'd say the same because life is simply better when we're together. I can honestly say, "I have found the one whom my soul loves" and I am looking forward to the next five years (and more) with him… for better or for worse.

Babe, when I said "I do" I had no idea what our future held, but I'd say it again today with just as much assurance as I did back then. It is my joy and privilege to walk through life with you. Happy Anniversary!

Introducing...

Well friends, it's over, or at least the thirty days that is. Unfortunately, there's still quite a bit left to do for the adoption... we're basically at the point most adoptive families are when they leave the hospital. Our situation was just delayed. But the good news (for us) is that both birth parents have agreed, either by signing or abstaining, to relinquish parental rights. Sooooo, the moment you've all been waiting for, introducing Garrison Carter

Meeting the little man for the first time.

He's already a month old, so we need to get caught up in a hurry, but I didn't want you to miss out on his early days of sweetness. 

Getting scrubbed in for the first time. We had no idea what to expect and
three minutes of scrubbing was excruciating slow.

Getting our gown/smock/cover things on. After day two I was a pro and could get
in one of those bad boys in under a minute.

Lifting back the isolette cover and seeing him… cue some serious ugly cry!

Hi sweet baby!

So how about a one month update because that's all the photos I have of his first few days. The NICU staff were serious about phones/cameras/laptops etc, and we got special permission this one time for someone to take photos. I'm not sure if I'll do monthly updates regularly, but it seems like an organized way to move from day 11 to five weeks rather quickly. 

Name: Garrison Carter

Hi there!

Nicknames: I hate real nicknames, like Sam for Samuel or Ben for Benjamin... I didn't even know Garrison had a shortened version when I chose the name (his name is another story entirely), but rest assured I will NEVER call him by that nickname. The nicknames we use are Bubba (this was what my favorite nurse called him and it kind of stuck with me, but she said it very sweetly, almost like Buh-puh), Buddy (our name for him when he had no name) and more recently: Little Butt, Chunker, Little Man.

Who you calling handsome?

Stats: 6.6 lbs and 19 inches.

I don't have anything official as his appointment with the pediatrician isn't until tomorrow, but last week, when he was actually one month old, I used the very accurate weigh us and subtract me method and he came in at a whopping 6.6 lbs. Slow your roll dude or we can't call you Little Butt any longer. He'd also grown two inches to 19 inches, which explains his eviction from premie clothes last week. I'm just hoping he reaches a plateau here for a while. A- I need to build up arm strength for carrying him in the car seat (uhhh, is that a gestational thing? Does carrying a baby in your uterus make you strong because gah, I can't imagine when he weighs twenty pounds. I'm going to need a pulley system.) and B- I have cute newborn clothes... can we like wear them more than once, please? He's currently able to rock Carter's brand newborn size. All other brands seem to be 6 months ahead (I'm looking at you Gerber) so umm, that's confusing. But also kind of nice as I'll still be able to dress him in "newborn" four to five pounds from now. We haven't ventured over to cloth diapers yet as I don't have a full stock and he's supposed to be eight pounds. We did upgrade to the newborn size in disposable diapers on Monday, mostly because we ran out of premies, but he doesn't seem to mind the extra room. 

Being a month old us tough

Likes: Food. Homeboy can eat. Which is shocking as the NICU days were plagued with nurses trying to help me feed him and eventually just finishing bottles for me. I would have sworn this would be our biggest issue, but Little Man LOVES to eat. He's been on four different formulas in his short life plus breastmilk and he's a fan of it ALL! He's currently enjoying the top shelf Alimentum as it appears Little Man has refined tastes (aka, dairy allergies). It supposedly tastes awful, and I believe it as it smells terrible, but he doesn't seem to mind a bit. He's taking about 3 oz every 3 hours these days. 

Gimme the good stuff, ma!

He's also a really big fan of baths. He enjoys baths in the sink, but he LOVES getting in the big bath with mommy. He loves to float on his back and snuggle on my chest. 

His first bath out of the hospital in the bathroom sink.
(Hotel staff LOVED us… oh, yes, we'll need 10 towels for
just the two of us, hmm, yes that's right.

Dislikes: Hiccoughs (or hiccups, whichever). Which who can blame him? I was plagued by hiccoughs growing up and hated them, so I can really sympathize. He gets hiccoughs after almost every meal, which is kind of out of control if you ask me. I've tried to tell him about some of my tried and true remedies, but he hasn't mastered the 'hold your breath and swallow three times' trick that I keep telling him about. We did discover gripe water recently which helps about 75% of the time… better than nothing.

No more hiccups!

Reflux. Again, I can't really fault him for this one. I've had heartburn all of two times in my life, both of which were caused by an antibiotic I was taking for fertility treatments. Both times I was pretty sure I was dying of a heart attack, so I can only imagine how awful it is to have this problem plague you all the time.

Wahhhhhhhhh

He's also hates to be cold. Like HATES it. While he loves to take baths, that whole, get out and get dried off part is miserable. He's found a new octave for screaming for that special occasion. Which also means he hates to be naked, just in general. You can imagine how interesting his newborn photo shoot was.

I think he has a flair for the dramatic… just like his mama.

Undecided about: Pacifiers. Some times he loves that paci so much it looks like he's going to devour it. (Nom nom, gimme.) Other times, he scrunches his little forehead, squishes his little nose and spits that thing out like I'm trying to poison him.

Providing a bit of comfort as we snuggle.

Sterling/Everest. I don't know if he's really undecided so much as just he hasn't noticed them yet. Which is pretty funny as both of them are superglued to me throughout the day. I think it's safe to say that they both missed me a good bit while I was in Florida and that both are now feeling a good bit of jealousy. Sterling is often right up next to me, sometimes half way in my lap. Everest often attempts to join us in the rocking chair at night. Thus far though, he pays them no mind.

Post bottle family snuggle time.

Looking forward to: EVERYTHING. Every. Single. Thing. But if you make me choose just one thing,  I'd have to say baby showers. I've got a couple of showers coming up over the next few weeks and I'm really excited because A- a baby shower, for ME?!?! Get out of here! and B- I get to show off my baby to my friends and family!

Hi mom! I'm a month old already! Don't blink!

This month has obviously been pretty special and over the top awesome for the Greavus. Little Man got to get rid of his isolette, feeding tube, and various sensors, which I'm sure he's thankful for. He also became a multi-state traveler, which seems like a pretty big achievement for the first three weeks of life. He also has the honor of making us the happiest people alive, which also seems like a pretty big deal for someone so young.

Deep thinking during his one month photos.

I think we're all still a little shocked. Our life definitely just got twisted upside down in the best way possible. We're still feeling all the feels and trying to figure out where and what those emotions are, but I can definitely say this: we're just SO thankful. It didn't have to turn out this way. Adoptions fail or fall through all the time. There were absolutely no guarantees when we started the adoption process last September and still none when we said yes to this case a few weeks ago. We're one super duper blessed little family of THREE!