Trials and Tribulations for the TTC

This is a very difficult post to write. Blogs are supposed to give you the freedom to be yourself, write what you want, express how you really feel. But honestly, I normally write about what I might want to document, what people might find interesting, and it is always censored just a bit. Well I'm about to be brutally, hurt your feelings, gut wrenching honest about something that is so very personal. "Why?" you might ask; more on that later.

So here goes. I have officially joined the club for the fertility challenged, or infertile. Sam and I have been trying to conceive since May 2011. We've suffered the loss of a miscarriage and are now dealing with the diagnosis of anovulation. It has been a heart stopping, tear ridden journey from the beginning. At first, my plan was to blog about my circumstances, and then release the blogs once I was finally pregnant. I thought it wouldn't be so embarrassing once I had finally conquered the problem and was successful at conceiving a healthy baby. However, after the news we received from my doctor today, it doesn't sound like that pregnancy will be anytime soon. Honestly, I'm so torn over releasing this information to the world. It seems so very personal, and so very secretive in our culture. I'm not looking for sympathy, but I would love for someone, somewhere to hear my story, feel my pain, and become a confidant in this long journey towards motherhood. Friends and family are great, but honestly I really want someone who knows and understands what I'm feeling, who can commiserate about the pain of baby showers, who will understand the pain of losing your first conceived child, who will listen to my grumblings and complaints without feeling the need for platitudes. Plus, I think the very best therapy through this process would be if I could be there for someone else. If I can tell someone, "you aren't alone, I'm here, and I know what you are going through," I think I might find some purpose in the process.

In the next few weeks I will try to get the blog updated with all of the posts I haven't published and get the whole story out there so it is up to date. From there, I promise to do my very best not to turn this blog into a journal of woes. I'll do my best to keep you updated on the fun and happiness that is in store for the Greavu's. Because despite this daunting path set before us to walk, the Lord is still so good, and has blessed us richly. There are some fun and exciting things ahead for the Greavu family: We are less than 2 weeks away from our second anniversary, and (drum roll please) only four months until we can say "sayonara Augusta!" So hang in there with me, and if you are someone, or if you know someone who has been there, done that, or who is currently in the grips of infertility, feel free to send me a shout out or contact me privately. Like I said, I would LOVE a companion in all of this (though I'm sad for you too).

amanda.greavu@gmail.com