Roller Coaster

I've often described the infertility process as a roller coaster. It is in every sense of the word. There is so much excitement and anxiety when you start the journey. You're bright-eyed at this whole world of possibilities, yet wide-eyed too at the sheer massiveness of the course set before you. You decide to go for it. You grab a seat, strap in, and sit back. You expect highs and lows, but you never knew how high the top would be, so you never knew how far you could drop. And then there's the sharp, jerking, neck-slinging whips around the corners that shock you senseless and steal your breath away. The journey of infertility as a whole is very much like a long roller coaster. In a similar way, each cycle is a mini roller coaster. One day, things are looking up, the next it's all gone to hell and you wonder why you ever thought it was possible in the first place.

I said last week that I had forgotten what it's like to do a treatment cycle. Man oh man, did I forget. But it didn't take long to remember why I've been known to: yell at friends, rage at my husband, pretend the world is ending, swear I'm switching doctors, state I'm giving up and moving to a deserted island, debate the finer points of selling organs on the black market... This stuff can make you CRAZY!!! 

I finally talked to my doctor on Thursday. I wish everyone could experience him. I mean, I'm married to an optimist, but this guy... It's intense. I can no longer decipher what's real and what's not. But he was just SO EXCITED. I kept trying to interrupt (politely) to say that I was worried about my lining and the fact that we could end up with just one follicle. He assured me that things looked AWESOME and he was really pleased. He said to plan on triggering Saturday night and to do an IUI on Monday. He also offered another ultrasound to confirm those days as our best plan of action. 

We went to the main office (aka crazyville) this morning. I had the most awkward ultrasound experience of my life, met with a third nurse within this one cycle who had no info on me AT ALL, and generally found myself frustrated with the whole experience. By then I learned this:

Right ovary- 22mm

Left ovary- 18mm, 17mm, 15mm, 13mm

Lining- 11mm

I'm pleased. By Monday, I should have three larger than 18mm, maybe even four. It's funny how believing you might only have one removes the fear of having four. 

We had a small panic attack (one of those dips to the right you didn't see coming) after we left when I missed the phone call from the nurse. Her message said to either take the shot tonight for an IUI in the morning or tomorrow night for an IUI on Monday. I've never heard of an IUI less than 12 hours after trigger. I PANICKED. This was NOT what Dr. Slayden had said to do. I checked my paperwork, it was NOT what my paperwork said to do. I listened to the message again. She repeated herself twice. What the heck?!? And of course, the office was closed when I called back. Thankfully, an after hours nurse returned my phone call and said to stick with my doctor's plan. 

So we trigger tonight. IUI on Monday. Wish us luck. I'd like to get off this ride now.