Not This Time

This is going to be brief. I know a lot of you were invested in this cycle right along with me, so I don't want to leave you hanging. The test was negative. I'll, of course, keep taking the progesterone and retest on Monday, but I know how this story ends.

Thank you for all of your prayers, emails, texts, etc. I couldn't have made it through this cycle with my spirit and sanity intact with out all of you. I seriously felt your prayers over the last day or so. I woke up this morning and simply knew. I knew it was negative. I tested to confirm. But I haven't cried (yet). I'm not sure if this is a brief moment of numbness or if this is just me being at peace with the situation. I'm sure as the truth settles in over the next few hours and days, I will have my moments, but for now, I'm doing okay.

The only real thought on my mind is that I want to revisit "the plan". The plan is our blueprint for family building. It says that IVF is next. Right now, I'm not sure how I feel about that. Today, I have no faith in my body's ability to get the job done. Today, I can't think of anything more terrible than creating  beautiful embryos only to watch them die in my body (aka the tomb). But I'm not making any decisions today. Maybe not even this week. These are not the types of decisions you make when you're emotional, nor when your hormones are out of sync. And obviously, we've got to come to a decision about next steps that we both feel good about.

So that's all for now. I'll be back later when I've got a firmer hold on my feelings. I haven't started analyzing what went wrong… I'm sure that will come. I haven't thought of a hundred questions for my doctor… but again, I'm sure that will come. For now, I'm just going to get though this day. One day at a time ladies, one day at a time.