Laparoscopy: Impending Doom

Scared out of my mind. That's basically the only way to describe my feelings going into my laparoscopy tomorrow. I know, I'm pathetic. A HUGE percentage of ladies struggling with infertility go through this; I'm not unique. At one point or another, even if there's no "evidence" of endometriosis, unexplained's get hustled to go under the knife. I'm volunteering myself. No one is forcing me, heck, no one is really even encouraging me.

So remind me again why I'm doing this. No, I know why I'm doing this. I'm doing it because I need to know. Everything about us is "unknown" or "unexplained" or "in the gray zone". After this surgery, we will know, once and for all, if endometriosis is playing any part in our inability to conceive. I feel like its pretty much the ONLY thing that I can know for sure. So I've just got to know. I can't march down the IVF road in good consciousness without knowing that A- we did everything we could to avoid it, and B- we're doing everything we can to make it successful.

I feel like the lap is necessary in order to check both those little boxes because A- pregnancy rates increase after a laparoscopy + hysteroscopy + D&C (even if no endo is found) and B- if anything might possibly impede implantation, it will be gone. So I've got to do it. Even if they find nothing... Even if I don't get pregnant right after... I've got to do it for my peace of mind.

But you know the saying "curiosity killed the cat"... Well, I'm being real honest here, I'd prefer not to die tomorrow just because "I need to know". Supposedly only like four people out of every one million who go under anesthesia die (yes, I googled it). I'd really like not to be one of those four. I'd also like to not be one of those poor souls who WAKES UP during the surgery, but can't move to alert the physicians. I'm pretty sure I'd die from fear and panic in that situation anyway.

I'm fully aware that I'm being a tad over dramatic here... Well, what's new? I apparently told my mom I was almost eaten by an alligator at preschool one day. She assumes I saw a lizard. Tons of people my age have surgery. They have an ACL repaired, or an appendix removed, or heck, maybe breast implants. Lots of people have surgery. This shouldn't be that big of a deal. But I'm scared senseless.

On a slightly more positive note, if tomorrow is to be my last day, at least I got to meet Erika! Erika and I have been blog friends for way too long to have not met, but we made it official today with lunch in Downtown Athens! As she has been through the same procedure with the same surgeon, we chatted about all that I have to look forward to (assuming I wake up).

So say some prayers that I survive, that I don't wake up too soon, that I leave with the same organs that I started the day with, and that we get some answers!