Good at Heart

So there was this mild, small, casual affair called graduation last week… you're probably wondering when I'm going to blog about that. Well it's not today. Nope, today I'm going to remind us all that people are good. I might get to that little thing called graduation tomorrow.

Sometimes I forget that people are actually nice. It's a flaw of mine. Always has been. I tend to DESPERATELY love my people, but others…ehhhh. The good thing is that if you become one of my people, I'll bend over backwards to help you, love you, show you I care, etc. The bad news is that I often assume the worst about others. And infertility has not made this any better. Infertility opens up opportunities for people to say lots of incredibly hurtful, extremely painful, exceptionally inconsiderate things to you… but here's the thing, I think 99% of the time, it's out of ignorance. What's my evidence? Mother's Day.

You guys, Mother's Day was really incredible. Particularly my time at my church. I won't say I was dreading it, but I'd hyped myself up to "grin and bear it" as you might say. But oh my gosh, I received so many hugs! And not just a little side hug, not just a pat on the back, but real honest, "I'm not letting go first" kinds of hugs! I was totally prepared to fight back tears all day, but not from people being crazy nice to me! I guess word is spreading through my toddler's classroom. Or maybe parents google their kid's class leader's name? I don't know how they found out, but so many momma's grabbed my hand in the midst of the insanity that is pick-up to say a quick "I'm praying for you". I was fighting tears all morning. It was awesome! And I know lots of infertiles blogged about skipping church or hating to attend church on Mother's Day because it's so gosh darn hard to sit there when the preacher rains love and affection on all the mom's… I'm not going to say that none of that is hard. It's definitely hard. But you guys, my preacher took the time to discuss the fact that Mother's Day is hard for lots of people for various reasons… he even went so far as to comment about those of us who are living with empty arms. To say I was touched would be an understatement.

And I'm not the only person to have had a Mother's Day turn out quite different than anticipated. Erika did too! Erika shared with me that she probably received more cards from friends than most moms. So sweet! So with those two conclusive pieces of evidence, I've determined that people, even abundantly fertile people, are good, kind, caring, etc. I think once people know, once they begin to understand, once they grasp the pain, once they comprehend the do's and don'ts, I think they really want to help. I honestly believe that silence is often easier for people. Being on the receiving end of the silence, or worse the heartless comments, often allows me to stew in my bitterness. I get to use it as further evidence that "fertiles are heartless" or whatever the current feeling is. But when people go out of their way to love on me on a day that's all about them… I'm just blown away.

So to my fertile friends, and well, just all my non-infertile friends (is that a double negative?), I'd encourage you to keep it up. And not just for me (though I do love your comments, words of encouragement, hugs, etc), but for anyone you know who might be struggling with infertility. Believe me, you will rock their world with a simple card or a quick message.

And to my infertile friends, I would challenge you with this: make yourself open and available to the kindness of others. I totally get that some days, the best treatment for what ails us is the bed with the covers over our heads and a box of chocolates. But I also think that we often isolate ourselves out of fear of being hurt. For those of you who are open with others about your infertility… allow them to love on you. And for those of you who are not public with your struggles, for whatever reason, I would encourage you to find someone, anyone, to share your story with beyond your spouse and mom. We all might just be surprised once in a while by the pure goodness of others.

And to all of my friends who sent me sweet words to get me through the day… Your kindness and prayers are such a blessing to me in this difficult time! Thank you all for your excitement and enthusiasm about IUI #4 and Operation Get Amanda Pregnant!