Birthdays- and that Darn Biological Clock

Today I marked my first appointment of IUI #3 on the calendar. And then it hit me: there is absolutely no way I will be pregnant by my 27th birthday. October 21st (my birthday) will be cycle day 15. I will more than likely be scheduled for the IUI sometime that week, but I will not be pregnant. I am not okay with that. It seems that the big holidays hit a lot harder than just watching the calendar flip. Another birthday, and no baby. Another Christmas, still no baby. I got pregnant at 25. I thought I would have my baby when I was 26. But now 27 looms and not only am I not a mommy, I'm not a mommy-to-be either. Just me, again, but another year older. I also realized this: I have 12 weeks post birthday to get pregnant or I will be 28 before I give birth. This is insane to me. Insane.

I used to wonder (until very recently) how ladies got to be "so old" before those decided to start treatment. I mean, I completely understand that some people don't get married in their 20's. I get that. I've learned living on the doorstep of Atlanta, that most people in big cities think I'm crazy that I felt "old" getting married at 24. But I come from a small town where more than one friend actually married her high school sweetheart, and they never, ever broke up. I'd say 22 or 23 was the average age for the currently married crowd to say "I do". So I never understood how people who got married decently young end up in their mid-30's trying for baby #1. I now fully understand how this happens. The years just kind of melt away. There's this whole timeline that you have to go through, and it takes years to get to treatment for most and then treatment can take years (and years, and years).

Steps to ending up way older than you ever thought you'd be to start your family:

1. You have to decide you want a baby. 
2. You're "Not trying, just not NOT trying"
3. Trying
4. Trying harder
5. Then you have to accept that something is "not quite right". 
6. Then you have to go see your OB/GYN, at what point you get told to "try harder" or you jump straight to Clomid (because everybody does Clomid). 
7. And if your OB/GYN can't get you knocked up, you debate about a specialist. 
8. Then you try IUI's. If you're really lucky all 3 will be in a row, but you might end up with a cancelled cycle in their too.
9. And when the IUI's fail, they recommend IVF, which of course you haven't been saving for, because to start ahead of time, would foreshadow your impending doom.
10. Save for IVF
11. Begin the long journey that is IVF

Sure some people end up at the dreaded "35 and older"category for trying to conceive because they are more career oriented. They wanted to have a career, buy a house, or some other milestone before kids. I get that. It wasn't my choice. And I think you have to walk into that situation with your eyes wide open. You have to know that choosing promotions, and houses, and essentially "more time" means you will have "less time" to procreate. It may work out, but it may not.

That however was not my choice. Sure I want a house, and a dog, and a fence (not white picketed, but still), but I've always been a firm believer that there will never be a "perfect time" to start a family. You can always say you need more money, or a better job, or a better city before you start a family. That's why I placed none of those things before becoming a parent. My only stipulation prior to motherhood: marriage. But here I am, embarking on 27 without a job (let alone a career), or a house, OR a baby. So I pretty much have nothing to show for myself.

And I now fully understand how time slips away. We've been actively trying to get pregnant for 17 months. Sometimes it seems like forever, and sometimes it seems like yesterday. The months, while tedious to live through, pile one on top of the other. So yea, I see how fellow TTCers got to be 30 or older so easily now. It's not that they signed up for a late start. It's that this process is just that, a process. The lucky ones get off the conveyer belt of infertility early on, but the rest remain on, slowly aging.

Can I get off please?