What Will Be

I apologize for the delay in updating after the transfer. I realized yesterday after quite a number of "hey, you okay?" texts and emails that I should probably update, but I didn't. I'm struggling to find much more to say on it other than it happened.

The transfer was pretty boring (which is good) and pretty much exactly like last time. It was interesting to note the similarities between IUI #1 and IVF #1 and then IUI #2 (3 & 4) and FET #1... for both IUI #1 and IVF #1 there was so much suspense, so much drama surrounding the transfer. Ooooo, this could be it. And eekk, what's going to happen? Anxiety level 12 out of 10 for both. And then its over, the sperm are deposited or the embryo is in place and it's like, ughhhh, what a let down. Glad that's over, but I don't feel any different. And I still have to wait, and wait, and wait. The drama should really be reserved for beta day.

I guess that's why we were both pretty chill about the whole thing. Sam and I both kept checking in, "are you nervous?" we asked about twenty times. That morning I woke up, rolled over and asked Sam if he was ready to pick up the kiddos from the daycare (aka, the freezer). I wasn't nervous. At least not until we got there and they called us back to meet with the doctor. When we were there last time, everyone in for a transfer went straight back, no chit chat. So when they called us back to chat, I immediately thought that one or both failed to thaw. And then I felt dumb for not being nervous about the thaw. Luckily, they both survived the thaw. The doctor explained that a successfully thawed cell does two things: it plumps back up nice and full, and it's translucent when light is shined through it. For an embryo (day 3) to successfully pass the thaw, at least half the cells need to do both of those things. Our 9 cell did perfect, 9 for 9. Our 8 cell dropped back to a 7 cell, but the doctor said that was still excellent. So in the end, we transferred two day 3 grade 3 embryos, one 9 cell and one 7 cell.

The transfer itself was fine. I'm still bummed that I don't get photos of the embryos. I'm thinking about writing a letter to Dr. Duffy with my two biggest "complaints". They aren't really complaints, but just things that I was really frustrated about when I found that FIRM does things differently than 90% of the other clinics out there. Number one: I think it's dumb that they don't allow the partners back in the room. The reason feels like it has zero to do with keeping a sterile room, and everything to do with processing the transfers quickly. It's like a mill back there. One person gets a transfer while one or two others change and sign releases. One comes out, another goes in. Despite the fact that the transfer feels very anticlimactic after it's over, I still wish Sam could be part. The second wish would be for photos of the embryos. For some of us, those are the only photos we will every have of our babies. Once they're gone, they're gone, and it's too late.

But all in all, it was a success. We traveled down to Jacksonville on Saturday, watched Georgia lose to Kentucky, walked around the mall, and had a delicious dinner Maggiano's. Sunday morning we completed the transfer and then hit the road. It was an incredibly short trip and super exhausting. Therefore, I took yesterday off to recuperate and rest. I'm not sure that it was incredibly necessary for the embryos as implantation will most likely take place on Thursday or Friday if all goes well. It was nice to catch up on laundry and chill though. I've got one episode left of Revenge, and we caught up on The Walking Dead last night (whoa!). Speaking of laundry, I don't know if the nurse made a mistake but she said not to lift more than three pounds… three pounds?!?! Umm lets see here, Everest (my cat) weighs seven pounds and she's like lifting air. I kept analyzing the laundry… "let's see, four socks, three t-shirts, and a pair of Sam's shorts… that's about three pounds… trip one to the washing machine. One of Sam's hoodies…eek, that's about three pounds too… ehh, just leave it, I don't have time for 1,000 trips to the laundry!" Seriously, three pounds? Who comes up with this stuff? I'm pretty sure my laptop and my purse individually weigh three pounds, and I don't even have 25 lip products like other people (not naming names). I guarantee I've lifted more than three pounds since the transfer and I'm not sure that there's anything to be done about that unless I'm spending the next two weeks in bed with a servant to tend to my every need… which I'm not.

Test day is next Friday, March 28th. If all goes well, super! If it goes like things typically go, I have one week to get over it before our Anniversary… perfect timing. My attitude is kind of "what will be, will be"... I'm not particularly optimistic, but I am feeling slightly more hopeful as is usual post transfer. Ten more days to go.