Whoa. Like serious whoa. I'd like for life to slow down just a bit, but I have a feeling it's not going to in the least. The last several weeks have been filled to the absolute brim. I'm pretty sure I could sleep for 24 hours straight right about now. I just completed the busiest season of the year at work, which is always a huge relief, but with maternity leave looming, I'm already preparing for time away. No rest for the weary.
In November, we took a few days off of work and traveled to Colorado. The purpose of the trip was to spread my father's ashes. He passed away last October and this trip had been in the works since then. Colorado is special to me, quite possibly the most special place on earth, and it was to my dad too. We were both born in Fort Collins, Colorado...it's one thing we had in common during seasons of life when I would have sworn that that was the only thing we shared. My relationship with my father was tenuous at best and volatile at worst during the last twenty years. He was a complicated man. We had not spoken in years and our last conversation was not one that I remember fondly. To find a happy memory, I must go further back to a conversation that, believe it or not, centered around Colorado. He wanted to take me skiing again. While I was far, far wiser as an adult and wary of getting my hopes up, I'll admit that the spark of childhood memories blossomed in me. The memories of skiing with my dad are undoubtedly some of the very best of my childhood. We never made that trip.
Taking my dad back to Colorado was important to me...hard, but in some way healing. It's a place that we uniquely shared. The longing for the mountains, well, I think it's something we will both keep for all the days of our lives. It was his and still is my wish to eventually move back to Colorado. This was my way of taking him home.
The trip was hard. My emotions ran hot and cold, but my anxiety was also high. It had been over seven and a half years since I had last flown, and wow. Let's just was my anxiety has not gotten better over the years. So yeah, I was an anxious, emotional mess trying to honor my dad and spend some quality time with my family while also analyzing how I'm seriously unprepared for 15 hour flights to and from China. It was a complicated week. The highlight was certainly getting Garrison out on the slopes. I don't know when or if my little family will make it back out to Colorado...life's about to get a whole heck of a lot messier and more chaotic, so it was really special that I got to see my little nugget doing what I so desperately loved as a child. I know he's likely too young that these memories will remain, but they will always be there for me, and for that I'm thankful. My mom and I made a few runs as well. It was cathartic really. For so many years it was mom and I against the world. It felt good to end the trip with a memory that we both shared from so long ago.
We returned from our trip and quickly got spun into the adoption journey again. On December 7, we were notified that our dossier was out of review. Basically, at that point, China had said yes to us as a family; we simply had to wait for them to say yes to our match with our son. We received our Letter of Acceptance on December 11, and since then it's been full steam ahead. But now, we wait. Soon we will be jumping through some more hoops. And then we'll wait. Rinse and repeat.
We are currently waiting on approval from US Citizenship and Immigration Services. If you remember hearing that before, it's because we've been here before. Basically, you apply the first time to adopt a child from a specific country, but the child in question is vague...just a general outline (boy/girl, age range, etc). Then you apply again for your specific child. We should have approval any day now. From here, there's a whole slew of acronyms and numbers that no one outside of the international adoption community would understand, but basically each is a step in the process to receiving approval from China to travel. We must have approval before we can truly schedule our trip.
Estimates on travel right now are March, with an early estimate that we could meet our son on February 26...well except that I work for a church. It's a long story, but visas are becoming more and more complicated to procure and due to my place of employment, our travel could be delayed by two-ish weeks. Believe me, that's a tough place to sit. To know that your child is spending additional nights in an orphanage, even if it's a great one with loving ayis and exceptional care, is really, really hard. And so we wait. And then we sprint to jump over the next hurdle. And then we wait. Slowly but surely, we're inching closer to our boy.
Christmas this year was a little hard. I felt a lot of guilt about celebrating while our son sleeps in an orphanage each night. I didn't know the right way to honor him and still celebrate with the family that we have here. I didn't want to diminish Garrison's Christmas or sit around pouting and bemoaning what we don't have in the midst of a season of great joy and hope. Thursday, December 21, was the winter solstice and as such it was the longest night. It was a poignant moment for me as I reflected that for both my son and I, the days are getting longer, the nights are getting shorter, and with each turn of the earth, we are one day closer to one another. We ended up ordering his stocking and hanging it with ours. He received a few small gifts in his stocking just like Garrison. To help Garrison understand that his brother is a real, live person and not just an imaginary friend, we packed up all of his gifts and mailed them to him. Hopefully he receives his package in the coming weeks and on some lever knows that he is loved and his family is coming for him, racing the sun to hold him.
We're still about $7,000 away from our total for adoption expenses, and we have about eight weeks to get there. I'd tell you that this seems insurmountable, but truthfully, we've been here before. I've seen everything fall into place in ways I couldn't possibly have dreamed up. I'm trusting that though this is out of my hands, it is not out of His control. In the coming days, we will make preparations to add another son to our home, both with the addition of a new carseat and the purging of closets, but also space in our hearts for this new gift. The journey to him has already been long, complex, and difficult, but I have a feeling we're just getting started. The real journey is just beginning.
Showing posts with label Fundraising. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fundraising. Show all posts
Friday, December 29, 2017
Thursday, September 28, 2017
Love Crosses Oceans
Man guys, I was doing so good. Three posts in two months was like some kind of record, and then life exploded and the blog fell to the wayside. And it's in no way because I don't have things to tell you. I absolutely intend to blog about my trip to Indiana. Literally a dream come true. But today, I want to try to catch everyone up on where we are with the adoption.
When I last updated, we had just announced our adoption. In some ways, a ton of things have happened since then and in other ways, nothing at all. The China adoption process is kind of hard to explain to someone who is not familiar with it, but basically there are two routes you can take. Currently, children in China are divided into two groups by the China Center for Children's Welfare and Adoption (CCCWA). One group, known as Special Needs, is typically younger children with more mild and correctable special needs. To match with a child on the Special Needs list, a family has to have already submitted their dossier (think giant packet of all your information) to China. The other group is known as Special Focus. Children in this group typically have move moderate to severe special needs or they are older. A family can match with a child on the Special Focus list at any time, even before they have completed their home study.
Since we were open to children on the Special Focus list, we were able to view waiting children from the very beginning. For me, this has absolutely been the hardest part. There are hundreds of children on these lists just waiting. How on earth are you supposed to decide which files to review? Or which files to submit for a doctor's opinion? How do you know when you see your son or daughter? I realized very, very quickly that I was not up for this. I could not review file after file. China legally only allows for the adoption of one child at a time now, so no matter how badly I wanted to scoop up several little ones, I could not. These were the moments that Andy Stanley's well known phrase "Do for one what you wish you could do for everyone" came into laser focus for me.
Late in the summer we received a file for a beautiful little boy. His file was slim. A few photos. One precious video. We decided to have an International Adoption Clinic review the file. These doctors work fast, but man the wait is excruciating. After careful prayer, discussion, and research we submitted our letter of intent to adopt this little guy:
The one thing that we can do while we wait is work towards funding our adoption. Earlier this week we received approval from Lifesong for Orphans. We can now accept tax-deductible donations. There are two ways to give. The easiest way is online of course (just follow the link). Online donations are processed by STRIPE with a 2.2% + $.30 fee per transaction....Just FYI. You may also donate by mailing a check and indicating our family account in the memo line (Greavu 7212). In accordance with IRS guidelines, donations are to Lifesong for Orphans. This organization retains full discretion over its use, but intends to honor the your suggested use. Basically, if you denote our family when you give, 100% of the funds received by Lifesong will be placed into our family's account with Lifesong and then transferred directly to our agency for payment.
We're expecting our adoption to cost north of $37,000. We've spent about $17,000 of our personal funds that we had saved for the adoption over the last two years (thanks adoption tax credit) which leaves us with about $20,000. For Garrison's adoption we did a puzzle fundraiser. The puzzle hangs framed in his room as a tender reminder of everyone who helped us bring him home. Because I'm all about keeping things even and fair for the second child (you'd think I was scarred by not being born first), we'll do a puzzle fundraiser this time too. I've ordered a 1,000 piece puzzle that Sam is so eager to put together (love you, babe). With a $20,000 goal and 1,000 pieces, the math is pretty simple. $20 gets you a puzzle piece, $40 gets you two, and so on.
As always, we are so grateful to everyone for the extreme kindness and generosity that has been shown to our family throughout this journey. We truly could not do this without the help of so many. We cannot wait to welcome our precious son into his forever family!
When I last updated, we had just announced our adoption. In some ways, a ton of things have happened since then and in other ways, nothing at all. The China adoption process is kind of hard to explain to someone who is not familiar with it, but basically there are two routes you can take. Currently, children in China are divided into two groups by the China Center for Children's Welfare and Adoption (CCCWA). One group, known as Special Needs, is typically younger children with more mild and correctable special needs. To match with a child on the Special Needs list, a family has to have already submitted their dossier (think giant packet of all your information) to China. The other group is known as Special Focus. Children in this group typically have move moderate to severe special needs or they are older. A family can match with a child on the Special Focus list at any time, even before they have completed their home study.
Since we were open to children on the Special Focus list, we were able to view waiting children from the very beginning. For me, this has absolutely been the hardest part. There are hundreds of children on these lists just waiting. How on earth are you supposed to decide which files to review? Or which files to submit for a doctor's opinion? How do you know when you see your son or daughter? I realized very, very quickly that I was not up for this. I could not review file after file. China legally only allows for the adoption of one child at a time now, so no matter how badly I wanted to scoop up several little ones, I could not. These were the moments that Andy Stanley's well known phrase "Do for one what you wish you could do for everyone" came into laser focus for me.
Late in the summer we received a file for a beautiful little boy. His file was slim. A few photos. One precious video. We decided to have an International Adoption Clinic review the file. These doctors work fast, but man the wait is excruciating. After careful prayer, discussion, and research we submitted our letter of intent to adopt this little guy:
 |
| No, I cannot explain to you what he's wearing. #becauseChina He's just a babe in this photo, but he actually turned 15 months in September. |
A few days later we received pre-approval (PA) from the CCCWA to adopt him! We are officially matched with this little love and working feverishly to bring him home.
 |
| Garrison is thoroughly confused and has to decided to ask for a sister instead. |
In some ways, it felt like things were flying...our home study was approved, our dossier documents were in route, we received pre-approval all within a few short weeks. I was already trying to count the weeks until we could travel. And then I discovered the real work of international adoption: waiting.
We are currently waiting for our I800-A approval. Never heard of it? Yeah, I hadn't either. The I800-A is the Application for Determination of Suitability to Adopt a Child from a Convention Country. It is processed by U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS). We are currently on day 56 of waiting for approval. Once we are approved, we will send our dossier to China (DTC) and the CCCWA will officially log our dossier into their database (known as LID). From that date, we can estimate approximately 4.5 months until we will travel. I should be a gold medalist in waiting by now, but weirdly enough, I never got any better.
The one thing that we can do while we wait is work towards funding our adoption. Earlier this week we received approval from Lifesong for Orphans. We can now accept tax-deductible donations. There are two ways to give. The easiest way is online of course (just follow the link). Online donations are processed by STRIPE with a 2.2% + $.30 fee per transaction....Just FYI. You may also donate by mailing a check and indicating our family account in the memo line (Greavu 7212). In accordance with IRS guidelines, donations are to Lifesong for Orphans. This organization retains full discretion over its use, but intends to honor the your suggested use. Basically, if you denote our family when you give, 100% of the funds received by Lifesong will be placed into our family's account with Lifesong and then transferred directly to our agency for payment.
We're expecting our adoption to cost north of $37,000. We've spent about $17,000 of our personal funds that we had saved for the adoption over the last two years (thanks adoption tax credit) which leaves us with about $20,000. For Garrison's adoption we did a puzzle fundraiser. The puzzle hangs framed in his room as a tender reminder of everyone who helped us bring him home. Because I'm all about keeping things even and fair for the second child (you'd think I was scarred by not being born first), we'll do a puzzle fundraiser this time too. I've ordered a 1,000 piece puzzle that Sam is so eager to put together (love you, babe). With a $20,000 goal and 1,000 pieces, the math is pretty simple. $20 gets you a puzzle piece, $40 gets you two, and so on.
 |
| Our sweet boy lives in Kunming, which is in southern China, just north of Laos and Thailand. |
Thursday, August 3, 2017
The Nitty Gritty Details
Thank you all for sharing in our joy. We are so excited about our newest adoption journey. It has already proven to be one heck of a ride, but that just makes the story that much sweeter. We're fielding lots of great questions post announcement. The most common are "When will you travel to China?" and "Are you raising money?"
To the first...let's table that, shall we? The easiest answer is that we don't know. I hope to provide a bit more insight into that and into our process soon. As to the second, to each and every person who has asked, I could seriously hug your neck. Gosh, we're grateful! Fundraising is a super humbling experience. It's a little bit embarrassing and way outside of my comfort zone to ask for help, let along help in the form of financial gifts. But as I've spent more time in the adoption world, I've seen that for so many, it is a joy to give to so that orphans may be called sons and daughters. We are so thankful that the gift of money connects us all and that we can all take part in adoption in different ways.
The short answer is yes! Absolutely, we will be fundraising! The estimated cost for an adoption through Lifeline Children's Services (our agency) for China at this time is just shy of $35,000. That doesn't include a few additional costs that we've already had (hello psych evaluation, I'm looking at you!). My guess is that we'll land closer to $37,000 once all is said and done. I know that number can be staggering, but I hope it's also viewed in perspective. Many, if not most, domestic infant adoptions end up costing close to, if not more (or A LOT more) than that and this number includes our travel costs to China. While it is a daunting figure, let's keep in mind that there are many, many, many things being paid for. SO many people have a role to play in this process. When I think about the sheer number of people I'm in contact with at our agency, the number suddenly seems pretty understandable.
We are currently working to get our fundraising set up with Lifesong for Orphans, a nonprofit ministry that helps adoptive families with the finances for adoption. If approved, we'll have a way for people to quickly and easily donate tax free. We're estimating that this will be available sometime in September, but until then, we're paying for everything out of our adoption account. "You have an adoption account?" you may ask. Yep. Ever since we started saving for Garrison's adoption we've had a separate savings account for adoption. We left it open when we completed Garrison's adoption. Adoptive parents can file for a tax credit after completing an adoption. At the time of Garrison's adoption, the tax credit was for $13,400. We received the full tax credit over two years. We carefully put every penny of that money directly into the savings account. At the time we started this adoption, the adoption tax credit, plus the money we saved and added to it gave us a total of just over $17,000.
It's a long way to go, for sure, but friends, I'm so confident. The Lord was so, so good to us in our adoption of Garrison. Our friends, family, and people I've never met gave so generously. I 100% know that this is a doable thing. We can earn, save, and raise another $20,000. We absolutely can! I will certainly update once we have a giving option set up. In the mean time, we're taking Dave Ramsey's advice to sell so much stuff, the kids think they're next. :)
You may also have heard or seen that I took an odd leap of faith (for me) and decided to become an Ambassador for Noonday Collection. Noonday Collection has long been my go-to for jewelry and my favorite place to shop with a purpose as they are a fair-trade company. In May, I decided to become an Ambassador to help fund our adoption...but I wasn't ready to tell you that then. :) 100% of the profit I earn as an Ambassador of Noonday is going directly into our adoption account...seriously, it's direct deposit. So as we approach the holidays please consider shopping for your sister, mother, friend, or best of all, for yourself by shopping Noonday with me as your Ambassador. Not only will you be supporting Operation Baby Greavu #2, but you're also helping support vulnerable communities by providing a marketplace for them. Noonday works with businesses through fair trade, empowering them to grow sustainably and to create dignified jobs for people who need them. And if you're local, let's do a trunk show! I earn money for our adoption and you earn FREE jewelry! That's a win!
As usual, I'm blogging less than I intended. By the time I get all of the posts that are planned in my head together, I'll likely be in China...for real. Thanks for all of your encouragement to keep blogging even when the days turn to weeks and, ahem, months between posts. I love this space. My life just calls me away. Until next time, much love.
To the first...let's table that, shall we? The easiest answer is that we don't know. I hope to provide a bit more insight into that and into our process soon. As to the second, to each and every person who has asked, I could seriously hug your neck. Gosh, we're grateful! Fundraising is a super humbling experience. It's a little bit embarrassing and way outside of my comfort zone to ask for help, let along help in the form of financial gifts. But as I've spent more time in the adoption world, I've seen that for so many, it is a joy to give to so that orphans may be called sons and daughters. We are so thankful that the gift of money connects us all and that we can all take part in adoption in different ways.
The short answer is yes! Absolutely, we will be fundraising! The estimated cost for an adoption through Lifeline Children's Services (our agency) for China at this time is just shy of $35,000. That doesn't include a few additional costs that we've already had (hello psych evaluation, I'm looking at you!). My guess is that we'll land closer to $37,000 once all is said and done. I know that number can be staggering, but I hope it's also viewed in perspective. Many, if not most, domestic infant adoptions end up costing close to, if not more (or A LOT more) than that and this number includes our travel costs to China. While it is a daunting figure, let's keep in mind that there are many, many, many things being paid for. SO many people have a role to play in this process. When I think about the sheer number of people I'm in contact with at our agency, the number suddenly seems pretty understandable.
We are currently working to get our fundraising set up with Lifesong for Orphans, a nonprofit ministry that helps adoptive families with the finances for adoption. If approved, we'll have a way for people to quickly and easily donate tax free. We're estimating that this will be available sometime in September, but until then, we're paying for everything out of our adoption account. "You have an adoption account?" you may ask. Yep. Ever since we started saving for Garrison's adoption we've had a separate savings account for adoption. We left it open when we completed Garrison's adoption. Adoptive parents can file for a tax credit after completing an adoption. At the time of Garrison's adoption, the tax credit was for $13,400. We received the full tax credit over two years. We carefully put every penny of that money directly into the savings account. At the time we started this adoption, the adoption tax credit, plus the money we saved and added to it gave us a total of just over $17,000.
It's a long way to go, for sure, but friends, I'm so confident. The Lord was so, so good to us in our adoption of Garrison. Our friends, family, and people I've never met gave so generously. I 100% know that this is a doable thing. We can earn, save, and raise another $20,000. We absolutely can! I will certainly update once we have a giving option set up. In the mean time, we're taking Dave Ramsey's advice to sell so much stuff, the kids think they're next. :)
You may also have heard or seen that I took an odd leap of faith (for me) and decided to become an Ambassador for Noonday Collection. Noonday Collection has long been my go-to for jewelry and my favorite place to shop with a purpose as they are a fair-trade company. In May, I decided to become an Ambassador to help fund our adoption...but I wasn't ready to tell you that then. :) 100% of the profit I earn as an Ambassador of Noonday is going directly into our adoption account...seriously, it's direct deposit. So as we approach the holidays please consider shopping for your sister, mother, friend, or best of all, for yourself by shopping Noonday with me as your Ambassador. Not only will you be supporting Operation Baby Greavu #2, but you're also helping support vulnerable communities by providing a marketplace for them. Noonday works with businesses through fair trade, empowering them to grow sustainably and to create dignified jobs for people who need them. And if you're local, let's do a trunk show! I earn money for our adoption and you earn FREE jewelry! That's a win!
As usual, I'm blogging less than I intended. By the time I get all of the posts that are planned in my head together, I'll likely be in China...for real. Thanks for all of your encouragement to keep blogging even when the days turn to weeks and, ahem, months between posts. I love this space. My life just calls me away. Until next time, much love.
Monday, March 2, 2015
The Good and The Bad
Many of you follow me on Facebook (I'm not too hard to find with a name like Greavu) but I wanted to update here for those of you who haven't heard the news, but also because this deserves more explanation than just a few words. I'll cut to the chase so you're not skipping ahead... we were not chosen.
Before I get into the bad news, I do have some good news to share. Actually not just good news, but great, incredible, awe-inspiring news. If you look at the YouCaring widget to the right, you'll notice that we have reached out fundraising goal... we've actually far surpassed my wildest dreams! I'm not at liberty to disclose many of the details, but basically an incredible woman who recently went through the adoption process with her son wrote us a VERY large check last week. She said that after holding her grandson, she couldn't imagine anyone not getting to fulfill that dream and she just wanted to help make it possible. It is still so surprising, that I have to check the savings account just to make sure that it's real.
In light of the potential match, you can imagine that Sam and I were feeling the pressure last week (before the check arrived). If matched, we would have had to send $16,000 immediately, completely wiping out our adoption account. Then we would have had just a few weeks to come up with another $15,000 or so. And no, this was not an "expensive" case, it was actually a little under our max. There's just a LOT of money left to be spent. So we began to feverishly apply for no interest adoption grants. The reality of the situation was beginning to set in. As usual, money talks add stress out the wazoo in our family, so rather than fight about something that was neither of our faults, I suggested we table that discussion for the next evening. I went to bed very discouraged. I knew that we would absolutely move forward with the case... it was that perfect, but I was terrified of $15,000-20,000 in debt, particularly of the credit card variety
I kid you not, the very next day, we received the check. This entire process has been the most humbling experience of my life. I would have said I couldn't be humbled more than infertility already had, I mean the inability to reproduce without an entire team of people present is pretty darn humbling, but the fundraising process has absolutely been even more so. Friends who are saving for homes have given HUGE amounts... more than I've ever given to one person for sure. Friends struggling with infertility gave even though they were dealing with the expense of infertility treatments themselves. Complete strangers who simply read the blog and wanted to be a part gave. It's just been the wildest journey.
When we started the adoption process last September, our plan was to keep the adoption under $35,000 for everything, legal fees, travel, home study, birth mother expenses... the whole deal. We've watched a ton of cases go because of our budget. I don't necessarily feel bad about that, as I want to work with ethical agencies who aren't exploiting adoption, but I admit it has been hard. With that number in mind, we set out to raise a minimum of $25,000 as we felt comfortable with $10,000 for ourselves. Our dream goal, like the "this will never happen" goal was to raise $30,000. Friends we're there... the dream goal. It's so unbelievable!!!
I've already had a few people ask if they could still donate, as they wanted a puzzle piece. Sam and I have decided that we will leave the YouCaring site open until the March 15th deadline. If you want a puzzle piece, you can still donate and be a part of the puzzle fundraiser. "Do we need any more money?" is the question I'm sure everyone is asking. Well, if the situation from last week had worked out, we estimate that we would have needed $2,000-$2,500 more than we have at this moment. So yes, there are most likely additional expenses as that situation was already a little under our budget, but it's also nothing we can't handle. We're in a far better place than we ever imagined we'd be, and we're just so, so thankful.
Okay, so on to the crappy part. I left you last week following out interview with the birth mom. It went as well as could be expected for something so stressful. We spoke with one of the agency representatives following the phone call. Her info was rather sobering as she said that she and the other rep were split in their opinions of who she'd chose... we certainly didn't hit it out of the park. The next few days were hard. One second I'd dream of bringing home this baby boy, and the next moment I'd allow the "she didn't pick you" phone call to roll through my imagination. I had dreams where we were picked, so real that I woke up believing it for a good ten minutes. I also had hours of restless sleep where I replayed parts of our conversation, wishing I could have explained more, connected more.
I think ANY scenario where you're one of two, would be hard... to be so close. But this one just felt so, so perfect to me.
He was due April 6th, 3 days after our fifth anniversary. Talk about an anniversary gift and a reason to celebrate.
The expectant mom was in Florida, so our travel expenses would be lower. It would also allow for friends and family to come visit while I waited out ICPC. Sam will not be able to stay with me for the 2ish weeks while I await permission to return to Georgia. While I would go to the end of the earth for our child, it would be nice not to have to spend the first few weeks as a mom alone in a hotel.
The city was Jacksonville... I obviously have a lot of mixed feelings about that city, but ultimately that's where my embryos currently reside. I had ideas of driving by Baptist Medical with my son and telling him about his siblings... they would likely never meet, but it felt like a sweet moment.
I already mentioned that the cost was under our budget, but that's just SO rare. It was an answer to so many prayers.
All of that just made it seem so fitting. And then we got the check. It felt like things were just clicking into place. The stars were aligning and all that junk... we were almost giddy. We've been on the wrong end of SO many things the last few years. 70% odds somehow turn into 10% odds for us. Opportunity turns to ashes, but THIS felt different.
And then we "met" her and I fell in love with her. Really. She was so great. An absolute answer to prayer. I admittedly struggle to relate to some expectant moms. But this woman, it felt like we were so similar. She described herself as a sort of shy, people-pleaser who loves to write and is good at math. She said she writes to process her thoughts. It was so very apparent that she loved her son to pieces. Her questions for us were direct, intelligent, articulate, and important. I was just so impressed with her. I wanted it to work out 10,000 times more (if that's even possible) after speaking with her because I really liked HER and felt like we could have a great relationship going forward.
So what went wrong? Well first of all, I think I probably felt a lot more connected to her than she did to me. Our interview was just that... an interview. The agency rep alternated reading our questions-- one to her, one to us. It didn't allow for conversation really, just question, answer, question, answer. So while I'm hearing her talk about herself, I'm thinking "omg... twinsies" but she never got to hear how similar we were, how I was oddly good at math and writing too, an odd combination. She didn't get to hear that we had tons of similarities. We also had a lot of similar family history. Her questions for us were much more direct... parenting strategies, work ethic, religious beliefs… harder things to connect on. We answered as well as we could, and we were honest, so if she didn't choose us because of one of our answers, well, I wouldn't change what I said. I mean maybe a word or two, maybe different phrasing, but the words were true, so the message wouldn't change.
When I heard the news on Friday afternoon, I asked if they knew why she picked the other couple. They had said over and over again that she really loved us, that it took her two full days to decide because after meeting both couples, the decision just got harder. She didn't want to disappoint either couple (see how awesome she is?). Ultimately, they felt that the baby's name is what pushed her over the edge.
The agency rep had told me when we were selected as one of two that she was pretty sure the expectant mom would ask us if we had a name picked out because she did. I asked if I could know the name just so we wouldn't be caught off guard. Believe it or not, I loved the name. It was on my list of names way back when I kept a card of names in my bedside table as if I was going to need forty names for all these kids we were going to have. Further proof that this was meant to be... to me. The name never came up for us. She never mentioned it, and I didn't bring it up, as it felt weird to me to appear as if I already knew all of this information about her. Like the agency and I just gossiped about her for hours. Apparently it did come up in the other couple's conversation. And more specifically, the other couple had a photo in their profile book with a painting in their basement in the background. The painting lists three important cities to them... one of those cities is the name she had chosen. So literally the name of the child she loved so much was written on the wall of this couple's home long before they had ever met.
So here I am feeling all connected to her and feeling like everything is falling into place so beautifully. There were just so many signs pointing to this being our firstborn. But at the same time that I'm reading the "signs" there's a literal sign telling her to pick the other couple. I mean how crazy is that? The agency thinks ultimately that's what made her decision... she loved us both, felt we were both great choices, so when she didn't feel a clear answer, she went with what felt perfect to her.
So that's basically it... we weren't chosen. I am admittedly pretty heartbroken. But also embarrassed, discouraged, and frustrated. I wanted this situation to work out SO badly. It didn't, and now we are back at square one... no pending cases, no one is looking at our profile, we're just waiting for another scenario to come across within our budget. It's ridiculously embarrassing to put all of this our there for the world to see and then everyone watch you not get picked… I feel like everyone's thinking "what is wrong with them?" I'm frustrated with myself for not leading the conversation more, for not adding what I was thinking, for not telling her how similar we are and how great we think she is. And I'm really discouraged. It took us almost 6 months to get to this point. I just keep thinking that it could be another 6 months before we're there again.
I must say though that I'm just so gosh darn thankful for the love and support we've been shown this last week, and throughout this whole journey. Suzanne wrote a beautiful post that made me cry, and then the comments made me cry more. Thank you for the Facebook messages, texts, phone calls, real life hugs… each has absolutely meant the world to me. I've never in my life felt so supported and loved than I have in these last few months. Random gifts from blog friends like Jane who sent me an adorable t-shirt to wear when I go shopping for the baby. And on Saturday I received a surprise package... some crazy, awesome human ordered the She Read's Truth Ampersand t-shirt that I mentioned in the last post. I mean, who does that? (anyone want to fess up? No? Well THANK YOU whoever you are!!!) I've just been so, so blessed. It would be so easy to say Sara Hagerty's words that I wrote about last week--"Of course. This is just how my life goes. Why should I expect it to be different? If I want something, it will always elude me." After last week, it would just be so easy to feel cursed. But while the situation ended far differently than I had hoped, I know I'm not cursed as I've seen the Father's love for me manifested in the hands and feet of those around me. I am so blessed to be so loved and supported. So thank you all.
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Sitting Pretty in the Midst of Adoption
It's been a while since I've updated about the adoption, so I figured now is as good of time as any! I wish I had tons and tons of secret info that I'd been hiding away for a big announcement but, well , really I haven't been updating because there's not much to say. I feel pretty frustrated when I think about it and overwhelmed if I dwell on it, so I choose the really mature option and watch Gilmore Girls reruns rather than think about adoption.
I feel like we missed out on a pretty good window back in October and November. During those two months we were seeing A LOT of cases, like between two and five a week. But we weren't ready to put our names forward yet because we were still finalizing our home study. One of the most frustrating parts is that we did complete our home study in October, but we didn't get the paperwork we needed for three and half weeks. It really seems like we got our paperwork, applied for the one situation, and then everything ground to a complete halt. We've been seeing about one to two (or less) cases a week since then, and for all intents and purposes, it's basically none because those we have seen have been so expensive... $38,000 for a stork drop last week, $55,000 for twins due later in January. In total, we've seen about five cases in the last four months that have been within out budget. I typically skim the cost analysis, see the total number and then delete the email... what in the world am I supposed to do with numbers like that?
We were told that the end of the year, with all of the holidays, is typically very slow in the adoption world. And man, that was the truth. It's now two weeks after the first of the year and we have seen a few cases come though, so maybe things will begin to speed up a bit now. It still feels like a slow time in general. It appears we missed a good time in the fall and now we'll have to wait it out. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't frustrated. Just about everyone we spoke with that used our adoption consultant was matched within five months of working with her... many brought their babies home within that time. We have also chosen to pay a little bit of extra money in order to become clients of two attorneys, one in Florida and one in Oklahoma. They were both referred to us from our adoption consultant, but we've yet to see any cases from either of them... it's just silent out there.
However, despite the lack of movement in getting matched, we're doing pretty well in other areas. Fundraising is going pretty well, for which I'm out of my mind with thankfulness. Towards the end of the year, we got a few really unexpected donations from supporters. You guys, people I haven't seen or spoken to since high school have donated. Cue sobs and uncontrollable ugly cries. We also had a really fantastic fundraiser back in November where one of Sam's patients offered to make wreaths for the front door and sell them. She donated all of her time, which was about the sweetest thing ever. And get this, we ended up getting $3,400 from that fundraiser. Be still my heart. Who would have thought?
So far, we've raised $15,927 and sold 630 puzzle pieces. That's 370 left to go. Eeeek! Speaking of the puzzle, it's done. We actually finished putting it together several weeks ago; I've just been dragging on getting the names on the back. It's a pretty tedious process, but I think it's going to look pretty cool when it's all done (I hope).
If you add in the money that Sam and I have put in, we're at a total of $19,421. Our original goal was for this adoption to cost about $30,000. Truth be told, I'm currently hoping to stay under $35,000 as I'm seeing our expenses continue to add up, but we're not actually any closer to bringing a baby home. We were pretty close to running out of time with You Caring (it was set to expire on January 15th), but I contacted them and got an extension, so now we're set to expire on March 15th.
In other news, I made the most insane purchase of my life... a rocker. More specifically a rocker for the NURSERY. I feel like a woman possessed... who took hold of my body? Honestly, the nursery is 50% done in theory... we've picked out a crib, dresser, rocker, and bedding. I figure that amounts to at least 50%, right? Now that I sit here with an empty email inbox, and no sign of a match in sight, it feels a bit rash (understatement of the year).
When we submitted for the first baby back in November, I was really surprised by the time frame... just five days until the due date. It was a complete shock. And since then, we've seen more and more situations that have had a really quick time frame. Some where the baby is already born and others where the due date is just a day or two away. These scenarios were really not what I was expecting... I figured we'd have at least a month or more. As I began to think about the reality that things can change in the adoption world in the blink or an eye, I decided that I might at least need an idea of what I wanted to do for the nursery... a general plan so that I wasn't needing to make decisions and search for a crib in a frantic moment.
So one weekend in December, mom and I set out to go look at nursery furniture. It was quite an odd experience. At every single store the subject came up of my flat stomach. "Oh my, you're so tiny," she'd exclaim. "Getting an early start, huh?" he'd ask. Even after I said I was adopting and wanted to see pieces that wouldn't take half a year to arrive (did you know that some baby furniture is a 12-16 week order time?!?) I'd still get comments about my flat stomach. I was mostly just overwhelmed by the whole process and the 10,000 options, so the comments were really the least of my worries. I do think a T-shirt might be called for on my next trip out. I'm thinking "My stomach iswashboard flat only slightly pudgy because there's no baby in this belly. We're adopting!" would work.
After quite a bit of deliberation and math, I think we've made our choices. We're not getting it yet, because hello, as all the salespeople so often pointed out, my stomach is super flat... no baby in the belly, and no baby on the horizon. But we went ahead and bit the bullet and ordered the rocker because, well, rockers/gliders are next to impossible to find that even semi-fit Sam and his 6'9 frame. But also, we got a great deal! The rocker that we LOVE is on sale for $100 off right now, and we had a 15% off coupon, AND $75 in reward points that expire this month. It seemed financially wise to go ahead and purchase rather than waste the savings opportunity, don't ya' think?
So that's where we sit... and if we don't have a baby by mid February, I'll literally be sitting in that rocker. That or the sight of it will drive me to hysterics and I'll have to cover it with a sheet... you know another really mature way of dealing with the hard stuff. Continue to hope and pray with us that the right opportunity, within our financial abilities, comes through soon!
I feel like we missed out on a pretty good window back in October and November. During those two months we were seeing A LOT of cases, like between two and five a week. But we weren't ready to put our names forward yet because we were still finalizing our home study. One of the most frustrating parts is that we did complete our home study in October, but we didn't get the paperwork we needed for three and half weeks. It really seems like we got our paperwork, applied for the one situation, and then everything ground to a complete halt. We've been seeing about one to two (or less) cases a week since then, and for all intents and purposes, it's basically none because those we have seen have been so expensive... $38,000 for a stork drop last week, $55,000 for twins due later in January. In total, we've seen about five cases in the last four months that have been within out budget. I typically skim the cost analysis, see the total number and then delete the email... what in the world am I supposed to do with numbers like that?
We were told that the end of the year, with all of the holidays, is typically very slow in the adoption world. And man, that was the truth. It's now two weeks after the first of the year and we have seen a few cases come though, so maybe things will begin to speed up a bit now. It still feels like a slow time in general. It appears we missed a good time in the fall and now we'll have to wait it out. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't frustrated. Just about everyone we spoke with that used our adoption consultant was matched within five months of working with her... many brought their babies home within that time. We have also chosen to pay a little bit of extra money in order to become clients of two attorneys, one in Florida and one in Oklahoma. They were both referred to us from our adoption consultant, but we've yet to see any cases from either of them... it's just silent out there.
However, despite the lack of movement in getting matched, we're doing pretty well in other areas. Fundraising is going pretty well, for which I'm out of my mind with thankfulness. Towards the end of the year, we got a few really unexpected donations from supporters. You guys, people I haven't seen or spoken to since high school have donated. Cue sobs and uncontrollable ugly cries. We also had a really fantastic fundraiser back in November where one of Sam's patients offered to make wreaths for the front door and sell them. She donated all of her time, which was about the sweetest thing ever. And get this, we ended up getting $3,400 from that fundraiser. Be still my heart. Who would have thought?
So far, we've raised $15,927 and sold 630 puzzle pieces. That's 370 left to go. Eeeek! Speaking of the puzzle, it's done. We actually finished putting it together several weeks ago; I've just been dragging on getting the names on the back. It's a pretty tedious process, but I think it's going to look pretty cool when it's all done (I hope).
 |
| The back of the puzzle with a very measly number of names filled in. |
If you add in the money that Sam and I have put in, we're at a total of $19,421. Our original goal was for this adoption to cost about $30,000. Truth be told, I'm currently hoping to stay under $35,000 as I'm seeing our expenses continue to add up, but we're not actually any closer to bringing a baby home. We were pretty close to running out of time with You Caring (it was set to expire on January 15th), but I contacted them and got an extension, so now we're set to expire on March 15th.
In other news, I made the most insane purchase of my life... a rocker. More specifically a rocker for the NURSERY. I feel like a woman possessed... who took hold of my body? Honestly, the nursery is 50% done in theory... we've picked out a crib, dresser, rocker, and bedding. I figure that amounts to at least 50%, right? Now that I sit here with an empty email inbox, and no sign of a match in sight, it feels a bit rash (understatement of the year).
When we submitted for the first baby back in November, I was really surprised by the time frame... just five days until the due date. It was a complete shock. And since then, we've seen more and more situations that have had a really quick time frame. Some where the baby is already born and others where the due date is just a day or two away. These scenarios were really not what I was expecting... I figured we'd have at least a month or more. As I began to think about the reality that things can change in the adoption world in the blink or an eye, I decided that I might at least need an idea of what I wanted to do for the nursery... a general plan so that I wasn't needing to make decisions and search for a crib in a frantic moment.
So one weekend in December, mom and I set out to go look at nursery furniture. It was quite an odd experience. At every single store the subject came up of my flat stomach. "Oh my, you're so tiny," she'd exclaim. "Getting an early start, huh?" he'd ask. Even after I said I was adopting and wanted to see pieces that wouldn't take half a year to arrive (did you know that some baby furniture is a 12-16 week order time?!?) I'd still get comments about my flat stomach. I was mostly just overwhelmed by the whole process and the 10,000 options, so the comments were really the least of my worries. I do think a T-shirt might be called for on my next trip out. I'm thinking "My stomach is
After quite a bit of deliberation and math, I think we've made our choices. We're not getting it yet, because hello, as all the salespeople so often pointed out, my stomach is super flat... no baby in the belly, and no baby on the horizon. But we went ahead and bit the bullet and ordered the rocker because, well, rockers/gliders are next to impossible to find that even semi-fit Sam and his 6'9 frame. But also, we got a great deal! The rocker that we LOVE is on sale for $100 off right now, and we had a 15% off coupon, AND $75 in reward points that expire this month. It seemed financially wise to go ahead and purchase rather than waste the savings opportunity, don't ya' think?
So that's where we sit... and if we don't have a baby by mid February, I'll literally be sitting in that rocker. That or the sight of it will drive me to hysterics and I'll have to cover it with a sheet... you know another really mature way of dealing with the hard stuff. Continue to hope and pray with us that the right opportunity, within our financial abilities, comes through soon!
Monday, October 27, 2014
All Exhausting Things Finally Come to an End
I feel like I just ran a marathon... the home study is finished. Well, so close it doesn't count. I've got to pick up one last form from the Police Station this week and fax it in, but otherwise, it's over. We sent our home study application in on October 6th, heard back two days later, and officially started the paperwork on October 11th. We did all three visits within ten days. I never imagined it would go this fast. It has been an absolute whirlwind. I'm incredibly thankful I have a semi-flexible job that allows me to take off work with little notice as I've been all over the place with doctor's appointments, fingerprinting requests, background checks, not to mention the home inspection was Saturday, so Friday was a deep clean/organize kind of day. Thankfully, she wasn't one to check in drawers or under beds.
October passed in an absolute blur. I barely acknowledged the birthdays this month (mine, my mom's, and my husband's). I think Everest was brushed for the first time all month on Friday so the home study inspector didn't find some correlation between tangled cat hair and bad future parent. I have been super neglectful of a lot of things all month, but we've been in overdrive. Now that it's over, I'm obviously completely exhausted. If it gives you any indication, Sam and I got home from our annual camping trip with our friends on Sunday and promptly took a two hour nap (heaven). Sam then proceeded to go to bed for the night at eight o'clock and slept until six this morning. We are beat. October is typically my favorite month of the year, but I'm strangely looking forward to November and a change of pace. Daylight Savings Time ends this weekend, and I am pumped! A- I need some incentive to get up in the morning, and a pitch black bedroom is not one of them, and B- an excuse to go to bed at eight o'clock every night sounds marvelous right about now.
We do still have our profile book to complete, so the stress isn't truly over, but it's waaaaayyy less stressful than the home study. And once it's completed an off to the printer, we're basically done. I'm sure there will still be things to do, but nothing like the last few weeks. I guess that's one great thing about rushing through the home study at warp speed, now that it's over, the hard part is definitely behind us. We're about to enter the period of active waiting, which I should be dreading, as patience is still not my virtue, but really, I'm looking forward to it. Essentially, once we send our home study and profile book off, we'll simply wait. It's a different sort of waiting than a lot of prospective adoptive parents go through, though. In our scenario, we won't get presented to birth mother's unless we but our names forward, which allows us to review the situation ahead of time. As an example, we've seen a few cases with predicted costs as high as $49,000... we won't be putting our names forward for those scenarios. The bad part about this setup is that we will know every time we are presented to a birth mother (and subsequently every time we are not picked)... I'm kind of dreading that part. I know I shouldn't take it personally, but I have a feeling the first time it happens, it's going to feel like a kick to the stomach.
So that's about all of the update I have in me today. I'm hoping to finalize the profile book this week, and maybe, just maybe send it to the printer this weekend. After that, we'll start working on the puzzle. So consider this an open invitation to come over to my house if you enjoy puzzles. When I designed the puzzle, I failed to think through our many colors puzzles typically have... ours is a bit monochromatic, which I'm assuming will make this endeavor SUPER fun.
This post feels scattered and disorganized, but I'm too tired to start over. So I'll just end by reminding everyone that Caroline's Stella Dot trunk show is still open for a few more days. Caroline has been extremely sweet to offer this fundraising project, so if you want in on the action, you have until the end of THIS Friday.
October passed in an absolute blur. I barely acknowledged the birthdays this month (mine, my mom's, and my husband's). I think Everest was brushed for the first time all month on Friday so the home study inspector didn't find some correlation between tangled cat hair and bad future parent. I have been super neglectful of a lot of things all month, but we've been in overdrive. Now that it's over, I'm obviously completely exhausted. If it gives you any indication, Sam and I got home from our annual camping trip with our friends on Sunday and promptly took a two hour nap (heaven). Sam then proceeded to go to bed for the night at eight o'clock and slept until six this morning. We are beat. October is typically my favorite month of the year, but I'm strangely looking forward to November and a change of pace. Daylight Savings Time ends this weekend, and I am pumped! A- I need some incentive to get up in the morning, and a pitch black bedroom is not one of them, and B- an excuse to go to bed at eight o'clock every night sounds marvelous right about now.
We do still have our profile book to complete, so the stress isn't truly over, but it's waaaaayyy less stressful than the home study. And once it's completed an off to the printer, we're basically done. I'm sure there will still be things to do, but nothing like the last few weeks. I guess that's one great thing about rushing through the home study at warp speed, now that it's over, the hard part is definitely behind us. We're about to enter the period of active waiting, which I should be dreading, as patience is still not my virtue, but really, I'm looking forward to it. Essentially, once we send our home study and profile book off, we'll simply wait. It's a different sort of waiting than a lot of prospective adoptive parents go through, though. In our scenario, we won't get presented to birth mother's unless we but our names forward, which allows us to review the situation ahead of time. As an example, we've seen a few cases with predicted costs as high as $49,000... we won't be putting our names forward for those scenarios. The bad part about this setup is that we will know every time we are presented to a birth mother (and subsequently every time we are not picked)... I'm kind of dreading that part. I know I shouldn't take it personally, but I have a feeling the first time it happens, it's going to feel like a kick to the stomach.
So that's about all of the update I have in me today. I'm hoping to finalize the profile book this week, and maybe, just maybe send it to the printer this weekend. After that, we'll start working on the puzzle. So consider this an open invitation to come over to my house if you enjoy puzzles. When I designed the puzzle, I failed to think through our many colors puzzles typically have... ours is a bit monochromatic, which I'm assuming will make this endeavor SUPER fun.
 |
| 1000 pieces to this bad boy... I've already claimed the red. Sam gets the brown. : ) |
This post feels scattered and disorganized, but I'm too tired to start over. So I'll just end by reminding everyone that Caroline's Stella Dot trunk show is still open for a few more days. Caroline has been extremely sweet to offer this fundraising project, so if you want in on the action, you have until the end of THIS Friday.
Friday, October 3, 2014
Some Days are Hard
Some days are just hard. Today is one of those days. Today would have been the due date from our first IVF transfer. I already knew the date before we even got to the beta. I was in no way confident that our IVF cycle would work, we had had too many things go differently than planned during that cycle, but I still just needed to know, "if this works, when would we be due?" The date was engraved in my mind for the two week wait. And then for one, one billionth of a second I was pregnant. Again. Me. The girl who never gets pregnant. Somehow, despite all odds, it happened. A pitiful, little six yes, but it was still there. The date mattered. We knew how things would go before the phone call even ended. This would not be our take home baby. October 3, 2014 would not be our day. We wouldn't write it on the calendar, with hearts and stars and hope. We'd just tuck it away as a day to remember and reflect. A day to reminisce and mourn.
By the time I returned for another beta on that Monday in January it was over. It was most certainly over before it even began, but it was real. For one brief moment in time, two of our precious babies were placed inside of me. I'm pretty confident that only one implanted.... the numbers were just so low. But for a small window of time, we were connected, that baby and me. I was providing life and he/she was fighting for it. I'm not sure who failed whom... is my body to blame? Or did my sweet baby never have chance? Either way, our time together was important. That little bundle of a few hundred cells was half me and half my husband and all God-breathed.
Many will wonder where my hope for tomorrow is. Isn't adoption exciting? Aren't we hopeful that our baby is out there? Of course. But the hope for tomorrow doesn't negate the pain of today. We are thrilled about our adoption. We are nervous and excited and overwhelmed to start our home study. We are eager to get started so we can get finished, because the Lord knows this is not a fun process. But our joy and our anticipation for what tomorrow may bring doesn't change the fact that today hurts. Today was the day that life was supposed to enter the world, wailing and crying and furious over the traumatic entry. We had placed months upon months worth of money and hope and prayers into today. Today was the day that IVF was supposed to change our story.
Tears have been stinging my eyes since they opened this morning. I wanted those babies... both of those babies. They were fiercely and dearly loved. They were meant to be my miracle, my October babies, my last chance to sneak a baby in before my 29th birthday. They were 10,000 hopes and dreams and prayers all centered within those tiny bundles of life. But they are gone and we are here, and we have no answers as to why. So many questions still unanswered. Some days are just hard. Today is one of those days.
By the time I returned for another beta on that Monday in January it was over. It was most certainly over before it even began, but it was real. For one brief moment in time, two of our precious babies were placed inside of me. I'm pretty confident that only one implanted.... the numbers were just so low. But for a small window of time, we were connected, that baby and me. I was providing life and he/she was fighting for it. I'm not sure who failed whom... is my body to blame? Or did my sweet baby never have chance? Either way, our time together was important. That little bundle of a few hundred cells was half me and half my husband and all God-breathed.
Many will wonder where my hope for tomorrow is. Isn't adoption exciting? Aren't we hopeful that our baby is out there? Of course. But the hope for tomorrow doesn't negate the pain of today. We are thrilled about our adoption. We are nervous and excited and overwhelmed to start our home study. We are eager to get started so we can get finished, because the Lord knows this is not a fun process. But our joy and our anticipation for what tomorrow may bring doesn't change the fact that today hurts. Today was the day that life was supposed to enter the world, wailing and crying and furious over the traumatic entry. We had placed months upon months worth of money and hope and prayers into today. Today was the day that IVF was supposed to change our story.
Tears have been stinging my eyes since they opened this morning. I wanted those babies... both of those babies. They were fiercely and dearly loved. They were meant to be my miracle, my October babies, my last chance to sneak a baby in before my 29th birthday. They were 10,000 hopes and dreams and prayers all centered within those tiny bundles of life. But they are gone and we are here, and we have no answers as to why. So many questions still unanswered. Some days are just hard. Today is one of those days.
_______________________________________
I also wanted to give a brief update on the adoption. We met with our adoption consultant on Wednesday. Everything went really well. She said she thinks we'll do great, but I'm guessing she says that to everyone. We've got two tasks we're working on right now, and they both feel daunting. The first is our profile book. This is a physical book that will be mailed across the country to various agencies or attorneys so that they can present us to a birth mom. It's supposed to tell the birth mom about us and why we want to adopt... essentially a "pick us" type book. No pressure or anything. The second task is the home study. I completed the application for the home study last night.... not the home study, just the application. I didn't know the answers to half of the questions, so I'm feeling really positive about this process. But on we press and we cling to hope. We've been brought to today for a reason.
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And one last thing. Caroline over at In Due Time is about the sweetest thing ever... you all know that. She has a HUGE heart and has graciously offered to host an online Stella Dot party as a fundraiser for our adoption. How cool is that?!?! I'm going to attempt to invite everyone this weekend, but in the mean time, consider yourself invited. The party is open until October 31st, so if you're interested click this link. Only eleven weekends until Christmas!
Friday, September 19, 2014
Operation: Bring Home Baby Greavu
So this little blog is HOPPING... four posts in five days, I amaze even myself some times. In case you've missed the news, let me catch you up really quickly: We're ADOPTING and we need help. I promise not to let the blog become a continuous onslaught of fundraising, but as many of our friends and family keep up with us here, I wanted to provide the details of our fundraising on the blog.
So lets start with the numbers... gosh I wish I had those for you. It's a little bit unique, but the route that we've chosen to go for our adoption doesn't have fixed numbers. I can tell you that it will most likely be between $30,000 and $35,000. Believe me, I know that that is a lot of money. It's more than I make in a year. But we're trusting that with the help of our friends and family, we can make this adoption a reality.
We've got plans to do traditional things like yard sales and a jewelry trunk shoes. I've got a whole room in my house currently devoted to stuff we want to sell on craigslist. We've also got a couple of grants that we are preparing to apply for. And hopefully there will be some other fun, creative opportunities to raise some money, but the bulk of our fundraising is going to be through donations. Cue the puzzle fundraiser.
What is a puzzle fundraiser? Well, it's about the cutest idea ever. We've designed a puzzle specifically for our adoption. Each piece signifies a donation of $25. The cool thing about the puzzle isn't that the donator gets a puzzle piece, but rather that the name of the person (or persons) donating goes on the back of the puzzle piece (or pieces). When the puzzle is completed, the front will be a beautiful reminder of our love for our child, and the back will be an incredible testament to the love and support of our friends and family. We intend to frame the completed puzzle in between two pieces of glass and hang it in the nursery (OMG, I can't believe I'm even writing about a nursery!). When our child is older, we'll be able to show him/her just how much he/she was loved and prayed for before we'd ever even met.
How does it work? It's pretty simple. You send us a check which we will deposit directly into our adoption savings account. Or, if checks are too old school for you (because who has time to write checks these days?) you can donate via this link. A quick, secure digital swipe of your card or payment from your paypal account will send a payment directly into our adoption savings account. From there, we count out your pieces ($25 = 1 piece, $50 = 2 pieces, and so on) write your name(s) on the back. It's that easy.
Who can donate? ANYONE. I wish I could tell you that the first puzzle piece is up for grabs, but that honor has actually gone to my great-grandfather: Lloyd T. Mundy. My mom found a bond that my grandfather had purchased for me shortly before he died. The time is not up on the bond, but after looking up the giant return on his investment (a whopping $7), we've decided to forgo the interest and take the money. I'm not exactly sure why my grandfather went the bond route, but I'm pretty sure he'd be pleased to know where we put the money. The first eight puzzle pieces will have his name on the back. But you can have puzzle piece number NINE... woo hoo!
So that's about it. But please stay tuned for further information on other opportunities to help bring home Baby Greavu.
So lets start with the numbers... gosh I wish I had those for you. It's a little bit unique, but the route that we've chosen to go for our adoption doesn't have fixed numbers. I can tell you that it will most likely be between $30,000 and $35,000. Believe me, I know that that is a lot of money. It's more than I make in a year. But we're trusting that with the help of our friends and family, we can make this adoption a reality.
We've got plans to do traditional things like yard sales and a jewelry trunk shoes. I've got a whole room in my house currently devoted to stuff we want to sell on craigslist. We've also got a couple of grants that we are preparing to apply for. And hopefully there will be some other fun, creative opportunities to raise some money, but the bulk of our fundraising is going to be through donations. Cue the puzzle fundraiser.
What is a puzzle fundraiser? Well, it's about the cutest idea ever. We've designed a puzzle specifically for our adoption. Each piece signifies a donation of $25. The cool thing about the puzzle isn't that the donator gets a puzzle piece, but rather that the name of the person (or persons) donating goes on the back of the puzzle piece (or pieces). When the puzzle is completed, the front will be a beautiful reminder of our love for our child, and the back will be an incredible testament to the love and support of our friends and family. We intend to frame the completed puzzle in between two pieces of glass and hang it in the nursery (OMG, I can't believe I'm even writing about a nursery!). When our child is older, we'll be able to show him/her just how much he/she was loved and prayed for before we'd ever even met.
How does it work? It's pretty simple. You send us a check which we will deposit directly into our adoption savings account. Or, if checks are too old school for you (because who has time to write checks these days?) you can donate via this link. A quick, secure digital swipe of your card or payment from your paypal account will send a payment directly into our adoption savings account. From there, we count out your pieces ($25 = 1 piece, $50 = 2 pieces, and so on) write your name(s) on the back. It's that easy.
Who can donate? ANYONE. I wish I could tell you that the first puzzle piece is up for grabs, but that honor has actually gone to my great-grandfather: Lloyd T. Mundy. My mom found a bond that my grandfather had purchased for me shortly before he died. The time is not up on the bond, but after looking up the giant return on his investment (a whopping $7), we've decided to forgo the interest and take the money. I'm not exactly sure why my grandfather went the bond route, but I'm pretty sure he'd be pleased to know where we put the money. The first eight puzzle pieces will have his name on the back. But you can have puzzle piece number NINE... woo hoo!
So that's about it. But please stay tuned for further information on other opportunities to help bring home Baby Greavu.
Thursday, September 18, 2014
The Leap
The truth of the matter is this: my broken reproductive system has not been the largest bump in the road towards building a family. The real pothole for us has been money. In 28 months, we've completed only six cycles of treatment (4 IUIs, 1 IVF, 1 FET). Six cycles... it's not a lot. I have friends who have completed six fresh IVF cycles in less time than that. But for us, money (or the lack of) has created long pauses in the process as every step along the way has seemed insurmountable. And the costs we have covered so far, though large, is still only a fraction of the cost of our adoption. Over the years, anytime one of us brought up adoption, I would quickly become overwhelmed by the dollar signs and string of zeros and shelve the thought once more.
When Sam and I first heard that fertility treatments were recommended for us, it was May 2012. Sam was entering his final semester of classroom hours before his clinical rotations began. I was working full time, carrying our health insurance, and paying as many bills as I possibly could with my tiny, little paycheck. We were getting by, but we were in no way prepared to spend $1,500 on ONE chance at pregnancy. It was mind boggling: "I'm sorry, you want us to pay how much to take a few pills and shove some washed sperm inside me?" I couldn't fathom how we could come up with that kind of cash. At the time, with an unexplained infertility diagnosis, an IUI gave us about a 20% chance of success... we were shocked and overwhelmed by the numbers. We would need to pay approximately $1,500 for ONE SHOT at conception and the odds would only be the same as a normal fertile couple our age.
It was overwhelming and incredibly difficult to come up with the funds, but we did it... three times because we knew the other option was truly HUGE. Imagine our dismay when November 2012 rolled around... we were still living with my mom, with no income, and a bank account that had been decimated by three back to back IUI cycles... and we were still not pregnant. We then had an exceptionally special conversation with our Reproductive Endocrinologist where really fun things like IVF were discussed at the low-low price tag of $15,000. $1,500 had seemed like an impossible feat just a few months ago... $15,000 might as well have been 15 million to us. We couldn't imagine a time when we would have that sort of money. For us, we slammed straight into a brick wall after those three IUIs. Where many couples proceed straight onto IVF, we were forced to stop and wait for fourteen months.
When Sam and I first heard that fertility treatments were recommended for us, it was May 2012. Sam was entering his final semester of classroom hours before his clinical rotations began. I was working full time, carrying our health insurance, and paying as many bills as I possibly could with my tiny, little paycheck. We were getting by, but we were in no way prepared to spend $1,500 on ONE chance at pregnancy. It was mind boggling: "I'm sorry, you want us to pay how much to take a few pills and shove some washed sperm inside me?" I couldn't fathom how we could come up with that kind of cash. At the time, with an unexplained infertility diagnosis, an IUI gave us about a 20% chance of success... we were shocked and overwhelmed by the numbers. We would need to pay approximately $1,500 for ONE SHOT at conception and the odds would only be the same as a normal fertile couple our age.
It was overwhelming and incredibly difficult to come up with the funds, but we did it... three times because we knew the other option was truly HUGE. Imagine our dismay when November 2012 rolled around... we were still living with my mom, with no income, and a bank account that had been decimated by three back to back IUI cycles... and we were still not pregnant. We then had an exceptionally special conversation with our Reproductive Endocrinologist where really fun things like IVF were discussed at the low-low price tag of $15,000. $1,500 had seemed like an impossible feat just a few months ago... $15,000 might as well have been 15 million to us. We couldn't imagine a time when we would have that sort of money. For us, we slammed straight into a brick wall after those three IUIs. Where many couples proceed straight onto IVF, we were forced to stop and wait for fourteen months.
At every step along the way, we have discussed adoption, but the price tag has always seemed impossible. If IUIs proved daunting at $1,500 a piece, how could we ever afford an adoption? If it took us 14 months to pay for IVF, how long would it take to fund an adoption? Fertility treatments, though incredibly expensive, have proven the faster and cheaper route for us to build our family at every intersection along this road, so we have continuously chosen that route. For the longest time, I believed that adoption was the final chapter to our family building story, not only because that is what I have seen modeled, but also because I assumed (and hoped) that adoption would be easier financially in a different season of life. And that is probably true... in five years we will have gone from $160,000 in student loan debt to less than $75,000, even if we only make minimum payments until then. There is no doubt that life will look vastly different when we can stop paying $1,700 a month in student loans. We certainly hope to return to adoption again in several years to add to our family, but we also don't want our current financial situation to limit our potential for a family right now.
My head has feared adoption for the numbers. My pride has kept me from asking for help throughout our family building journey. I admittedly have issues accepting gifts (even though gifts are my love language) and I hate feeling like I owe people. But countless friends have reminded me that our faith has the most potential to grow when we leap and trust that God will provide. It is our inability to complete the task on our own that allows the Lord the room to show up in a mighty way. So that's exactly what we're doing... we're leaping and asking the Lord to provide.
The truth is we absolutely cannot fund this adoption on our own... not in the time frame we've been given. We can certainly contribute, and we intend to do so on a monthly basis just like we did with IVF, but we can't do this alone. So we are squashing our pride, saying our prayers, and leaping with eyes wide open asking for assistance to bring home Baby Greavu.
If you would like to support Operation: Bring Home Baby Greavu, please look for tomorrow's post on donation opportunities and other ways you can help.
If you would like to support Operation: Bring Home Baby Greavu, please look for tomorrow's post on donation opportunities and other ways you can help.
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