A Broken World

I have almost posted and then not posted this a half a dozen times over the last two days. The Lord knows it's not like the internet needs any more commentary on the Ferguson situation. But my heart is hurting for so many right now, and when I hurt, I write.

Facebook and Twitter have been insane over the last few days. Absolutely insane. I would have refrained from even checking Facebook at all if I wasn't desperately waiting for news on the birth mother we presented for (yes, the attorney keeps a Facebook page). Unfortunately, I felt like I had to check it and check it often, so my eyes unwillingly saw the garbage filling up my newsfeed. And like a rubbernecker at the scene of an accident, I couldn't look away. 

My point for this post is not to argue for one side or the other. I honestly haven't followed the case very much. We don't have cable, and I'm not one to read the news, so the happenings of the world typically pass me by. And I'm really fine with that because most of what's on the news just makes me sad. This situation is no different. I don't care what side of the line you fall on, this situation is sad. An American youth was killed. A policeman's life was forever changed. Two families have been thrust into the spotlight, and a community has literally been torn apart. That's sad. 

It's also sad to see our country so filled with hate. The calmest, most sane, and thoughtful posts have been used as platforms for hate by both sides over the last few days. It's ugly, the darkness, that lives in our hearts... and it's in all of us. There were at least a half a dozen times when something got me within inches of firing off a comment... and that is so unlike me. But by mid-morning yesterday, it dawned on me that the internet really didn't need one more opinion because there were MILLIONS out there. What was really needed was a whole lot less talking and a whole lot more listening. I would say one percent of one percent has been something worth reading, but when we're busy firing off our own mouths, it's easy to miss the good stuff. The internet and more importantly the comment are often times something that I abhor. In the blog community, and specifically the infertility blog community, we say comments are like hugs... and nine times out of ten, that's how we use them on one another's blog. But many of us have had comments that feel nothing like hugs, but rather a slap in the face or a punch in the gut from random lurkers or anonymous readers. And it's hard not to respond in kind to that kind of thing. I get that. A comment posted in earnest quickly spirals out of control when others attack you for your views or, even worse, taking your words out of context. I hate that part of social media... the commenting frenzy that goes on, the bickering, the name calling, the slander, the profanity... it's just gross. And it's not a generational thing either... I regularly see people in their fifties and sixties diving in, and adding fuel to the fire. It's just unacceptable that this is how we behave, that the internet has allowed us to do and say things that we would never say to someone's face.

The last few days have brought people to the boiling point. So many articles and posts have been written with the sole purpose of inciting fury and stirring the pot. Everyone wants to have the last word, prove their point, fire off some zinger, and silence the oppostion... but the problem is that no one is silenced because no one is listening. Every comment is read as a personal attack against the reader and therefore requires an even more fiery response back. The shooting death of Michael Brown, the riots in the days that followed, and the current protests following the grand jury's decision not to indict Darren Wilson have brought the ugly in so many hearts to the surface. The water is surely boiling now. What was buried within the hearts of this county's citizens is on full display for the world to see now. The truth of the matter is that racism still exists, and if nothing else, the situation in Ferguson and the response across America has revealed that. I would say well over half of the posts and articles being liked and shared by white people were either condemning Michael Brown, celebrating Darren Wilson, or vilifying an entire people group based on the actions of a few. And the same can be said for black people... most of the posts and articles being liked and celebrated by black people were those that demonized Darren Wilson, honored Michael Brown, and lumped all white people into a group of racists. A line was drawn in the sand and it revealed racist hearts on both sides. Both black and white have said and done terrible things over the last few days out of hatred and fear. Racism is real and prevalent and right in front of us.

The thing about this that has been absolutely disheartening to me has been not only the comments from strangers being traded with pure venom back and forth all day, but the comments that my "friends" were making. It hit me hard, probably way harder than it would have if we weren't currently in the adoption world. Every time I read a post or a comment from a friend or an acquaintance, I read it from the lens of a white mom raising a child of a different race. Because friends, I may be one of those moms one day. Sam and I have placed no stipulations on the race of the child we adopt. Sam and I have talked for months now about the race issue within the context of adoption. We knew that we would have to make our "preferences" known immediately, and we wanted to have thought through it from all angles. Let me tell you, there's nothing like imagining how you'd feel with a black child at your dinner party or family dinner to draw your eye to the comments, remarks, and ideas that your friends and family make. The question we've asked ourselves over and over and over again for the last few months is "if I was a black child (or Hispanic or Asain), how would I feel sitting at this table?" Because it's not just us, but it's our family, our friends, our community that this child will be a part of, and unfortunately, none of us can control what our friends and family think or say. The last few days have revealed that truth to me again and again. I have to admit that I was ashamed of many of the things being shared by former classmates, old friends, etc.

My heart went out to my friends who are currently raising children of other races and ethnicities, be they African American, Haitian, Asian, African, or Hispanic. They are trying on a daily basis to bridge two worlds. There is only one world, true, but we so often take what was created for us all and we draw lines and divide and separate. These moms and dads were often the ones crossing "racial" lines with their posts: liking, celebrating, agreeing with the "other" side. I didn't always agree with what they were saying or how they went about it, but I think what these parents are trying to do is beautiful. Many are responding to this situation out of fear, fear of raising their children in a world where others hate them not for their actions, but simply for the color of their skin… that's heartbreaking friends. When Sam and I attended the adoption conference, we heard a pastor speak specifically on raising black boys in white families. I didn't agree with everything that was said, either by the speaker or the commenters, but I don't think we have to agree with everything someone says to find value in their words. I'm providing a link in case anyone is interested.

Ultimately, I don't really have much of a point here. Enough "points" have already been made. I'm not hear to argue the validity of any of those points… I think there's a lot of truth behind many of the arguments from both sides, and there's a whole lot of bull crap too. Weeding it out is the hard part. But I do want to say that I'm thinking of you, my precious friends, who are right in the thick of this, raising children who look nothing like you. I can't fully comprehend how the junk on the internet the last few days comes across when your own family is blended by many colors. My heart is burdened for you and I'm praying for you and your children. I hope that future generations will see less of this mess, but ultimately we live in a broken world. The last few days have shown us all that.

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I've read a lot over the last few days, and like I said, 99% was complete garbage. However, there have been a few thought provoking words written and I'd like to share them for anyone interested. 

This post be Benjamin Watson of the New Orleans Saints, in my opinion, best sums up and articulates the various emotions surrounding the last few days. He eloquently explains the dichotomy of those emotions.

And this article by Voddie Baucham is the best explanation that I've seen for the real root of the problem, both in the shooting death of Michael Wilson, the rioting in Ferguson, and the hatred being spewed across the internet.