Forever Waiting

Well, first of all, I survived Thanksgiving. I feel like that's a BIG win this year, so kudos to me for not hightailing it out of there and heading for the mountains with my mom's carrot cake in tow. My niece and brother also stayed over at my mom's house for Thanksgiving, so the house was nice and family-ee all weekend for mom. And BONUS, my niece decided that I wasn't the most horrible person for the first time since she was, well since she was born. As she's two and half, I feel like that's real progress. See below for evidence that she does in fact, sort of kind of, like her auntie (and that she LOVES rubber lizards):

Footie Pjs and rubber lizards for the win

I guess I should also share that we were not selected in the situation I mentioned a couple of weeks ago. Technically, we weren't not selected either as the birth mother decided to parent. I guess that feels pretty different than a situation in which some other potential adoptive parent(s) are chosen. I was only barely sad over the situation when the news finally came. Mostly I was relieved. It had been a long ten days of waiting, so it was just nice to have an answer. I also completely understand why some couples choose not to know when they are submitted to birth mothers. The wait can kill you. I am admittedly not all that ready to do it again (and again). 

And yet, I'm starting to get a little twitchy over the delay. It feels like everything has ground to a complete halt. We were frantic in those first few weeks. The home study made me feel like things were actually moving. I suddenly understood how the "you might have a baby in a few months" statement that my consultant offered at our first appointment could happen. And then one week turned into another which slipped into another and nothing happened. It took for-ever to get our home study and we couldn't do a thing without it. Now that I have it, I can't seem to get people to respond to phone calls or emails. I'm over here like "don't you want to read my home study???" and "hey, let me mail you my pretty profile book!!!" and NO ONE WANTS ME! Wahhh! I'm being slightly dramatic (as usual) but I really need to see some progress. Every opportunity we've seen since the one we presented for has been for soooooo much money... like $39,000 kind of money. I guess I'm just feeling lost and frustrated and stuck... but that's par for the course in infertility land, right? It's not like this is a new feeling or anything. Some days it feels like I'll be waiting forever.

So for now, we're just waiting. Waiting for the right situation to plop into our lives. The home study and profile books are ready to present... we just need someone to present them to. Speaking of our profile book, I wanted to share it here on the blog. We're certainly not against finding a birth mother without the help of an attorney or agency, so if you know someone, or know someone who knows someone, feel free to direct them here. The profile book isn't exactly what I wanted, but there were a lot of opinions and people to please on this one, and ultimately I just had to get it done. Hopefully I shine really bright in the crowd for simply not using Curlz or Comic Sans.