The Decision

Thank you all SO much for the outpouring of love yesterday. My Facebook, email, and phone were blowing up all day with all of your love and excitement. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! In case you missed the announcement, let me catch you up to speed: the Greavus are adopting!

Another shot... because I just really love my little banner

Specifically, we are pursuing domestic infant adoption. I'm sure some of you are thinking "wha? huh? when did this happen?", others are fist pumping and thinking "thank God! It's about time!", and some of you might even be thinking "nooooooo". I get that... all of it. So let me back up and tell you how we got here.

Waaaaaayyyy back before we started IVF, we made a plan. The plan was to do one fresh IVF cycle, then complete all frozen embryo trasnfers available, then when all embryo transfers had been attempted, move forward with adoption. But we all know that the best laid plans turn to dust... and then it rains and they turn to mud. It shouldn't be too shocking that we didn't really move on in the way we originally expected. Following our failed FET in March, Sam and I discussed all of our options. Shockingly, we were not on the same page (heh heh). I knew that we needed to take some time before we made any further decisions... none of these choices are things you want to regret or do without agreeing as a couple.

It wasn't long after that that I began to do some research (I know you're shocked). I started reading some books. I started reaching out to adoptive parents as I wanted to know a few things about the process and which agencies were good. Interestingly enough within a day of reaching out to two fellow bloggers they both told me that they had done things a little differently, but that they LOVED how everything worked out and that they highly recommended THE SAME GROUP. So interesting. What are the odds that two couples that don't know each other both used the same group and had the same response? Probably pretty decent if they were talking about one of the big agencies like Bethany, but this place is tiny. I'm not a big one to look at signs... I used to be but it never turned out the way I imagined. I'd think the "signs" meant one thing and then things turned out completely different. However, this really felt like one of those times when I just couldn't ignore this "coincidence".

I decided to contact the organization and request some paperwork. The lady who answered the phone ended up talking to me and answering all of my various questions for over half an hour... a very different response from any of the agencies I contacted. I still felt slightly hesitant about it so I requested some additional paperwork. Unfortunately, the packet of paperwork didn't have any additional information that the lady hadn't shared, but Sam and I still felt pretty good about the situation. Further confirmation came that this was a good, reputable, ethical place when I learned that my pastor and his wife successfully adopted through this same group six years ago. What are the odds that I would know three people to use the same organization when they help a very limited number of families each year? The benefits are certainly the timeline (more on this later) and the guidance through the process.  For me adoption feels very foreign... I feel like I understand infertility treatments. I know what the science means for the most part and I understand the timeline, the process, the chances of success. Infertility treatments, believe it or not, have become comfortable for me. In the midst of the chaos of shots and pills and appointments there is a sense of comfort and predictability. But adoption is a WHOLE new world. I feel immensely unprepared and uninformed despite all of my research. I feel like I did way back in the Clomid days... like the decision between starting the medicine on CD 3 vs CD 4 was SO HUGE... how could I ever decide? Having someone guide us and support us through the process sounds like a great option and a huge relief for my anxiety.

We decided that we really liked the idea of domestic adoption, particularly with this organization, but we were in the MIDDLE of buying a home. So we decided to sit on it for a while and continue to think through and pray about our options. At this point our decision was between domestic adoption or another round of IVF at a top clinic. We both ultimately decided that adoption is the best fit for us in this current season of life. I've mentioned before that adoption was always a part of our plan. Way back when we believed we'd be like every other young couple, we planned to have between two and five children (depends on which of us you asked) and then adopt one or two children internationally. Obviously, our plan looks vastly different now than it did five years ago. We thought we'd complete our family with adoption, but now we're choosing to start our family with adoption.

Some of you may be wondering if we are done with infertility treatments. It's a really fair question. And the answer is that I really don't know, but if I had to answer today, I'd say no. My guess is that we will probably pursue another round of treatment in the future. Whether that will be with my own eggs, donor eggs, or donor embryos I really couldn't say. And no matter what, we will be returning for our frozen embryos in Florida. I hope to be able to return for them by January 2016 (to escape another freezer payment).

Some of you may also be wondering why we've chosen domestic when the "original" plan was for international. Essentially, it's twofold. For one, I just really want a baby. Not a six month old. Not a toddler. Not a child. I want a teeny, tiny, little baby, and that just doesn't happen with international adoptions. The second reason is that this is our first child (i.e. we have NO parenting experience). Some first time parents may feel equipped to bring a toddler or young child from another county into their home, but I do not. I feel like I will be in over my head with any infant (as I'm sure most first time parents feel). I do not feel even remotely prepared to take on the additional issues such as language barriers, attachment issues, health situations, etc that often come with an international adoption. Please don't hear what I'm not saying. We are for international adoption. And it is my hope that in the next few years we can add to our family through international adoption, but it simply doesn't feel like the right fit in our current season of life.

So there you have it. I promise, despite the fact that this probably feels slightly out of left field, we have been researching and praying about this for months. We've waited to make the announcement until we were debt (ahem, credit card debt) free again and we had been accepted by our organization. Now that both have happened, we're ready to shout it from the rooftops! More to come soon about this process and our next steps.