Drops in the Bucket

This post has been sitting in my drafts for almost a year... seriously. I never got around to finishing it like I wanted and then it just sat sad and forgotten and grew dusty. But dusty blog posts are about as good as it gets around here these days. Kidding... except not really. Actually, I drug this old thing out because my friend Amie was discussing IVF and the price tag and it reminded me of this old thing. I decided to dust it off and post it in case anyone else out there is debating between saving for treatment, emptying out your savings, or swiping the credit card. I'll say what I said to her: absolutely zero guilt with whatever decision you make. IVF is EXPENSIVE and Sam and I are proof that it doesn't always work... you've got to find the solution for your family in your season of life that you can life with no matter the outcome of the procedure.

So after my Debt Free (sort of) post and the announcement that we're expecting to paying for IVF 100% out of pocket AND out of savings, I got several messages from people wondering how we did it. As I stated before, I am not the person you want to ask for money advice. We fail, and fail, and fail in terms of our finances. It is literally by God's grace that we were able to do this. It's kind of one of those "the stars aligned" type of deals. However, I do want to share what worked for us in case it helps someone else. Many couples pay for fertility treatments through various methods: parents, donors, grants, but for many the options are to save or take out a loan. Here's how we came to our decision and what we did about it:

First of all, let me just say that I'm honestly not emphasizing saving for IVF over taking out a loan. The saving thing sort of just happened. And by that I mean, we VERY intentionally saved, but we also never felt like a loan was an option until we were already close to the number we needed. Why? Well, we were first told to pursue IVF in November 2012 after three failed IUI cycles. The cost was quoted to us at $13,200 for one cycle (plus meds of course), but we were told our best bet was a refund program coming in at over $30,000. At the time, I was jobless and Sam was in physical therapy school... I really never thought too seriously about the potential to receive a medical loan. It seemed super unlikely, so I didn't look into it. Who would give two unemployed twenty somethings with zero assets a loan for 15-30K? What I was tempted to do was max out Sam's school loans (shh, don't tell the government), but he was so adverse to the idea that it led to the longest, ugliest fight of our marriage. I mean BIG people... I'm sort of surprised me moved past that one. With time, I forgot about loans... it wasn't worth it to continuously think about it and wish for it if we weren't going to do it. So again, we came to the decision to save not because we think a loan is a terrible idea, but because of our circumstances. If we had had the ability to take out the loan in December of 2012 AND if we'd both been on the same page, I'm pretty sure I'd have gone for it. So yeah, if you're leaning towards a loan or swiping the credit card, you're in good company here.

Another point to make is this: there are no shortcuts here. Saving takes time. It took us about fourteen months from the time we heard "IVF is next" until we were ready. Now, less than half of that time was spent actively saving for IVF, first we were unemployed and then we were paying off debt, but my point is just saving is a longer road, no matter what (unless of course you have wealthy in-laws or a heck of a savings account at your disposal). There were times when I felt so worried over the delay I was fighting off panic attacks and there were other times when I felt confident in our plan. It just takes time. Patience is a virtue, right? But if you've been told you are running out of time, I'd honestly recommend the loan. In fact, even Dave Ramsey, "Mr. No Debt, Ever," would. He said so here and here and here. So if I'm ever in this situation again (which we probably will be), at say 35 years old, I'm taking Dave's advice and getting the loan.

With that said, here's what we did.

• First, we transferred a portion ($2,500) of Sam's mutual fund into a CD so that we couldn't touch it. This was a starting place. I still didn't have a job, Sam was still in school, but it allowed me to feel like we had started. It wasn't necessarily the wisest financial decision, but it helped my anxiety while we waited to really get started. You've got to be able to live with yourself.
• Secondly, we got jobs (hopefully, you would be starting from this place). Once we both had jobs, we began to pay off our credit card debt. It made zero sense to me to save for one thing, while paying 10-18% interest on another. I'm proud of the decision, but I second guessed myself A LOT. If we'd held onto the debt, we could have saved the same amount significantly faster.
• Third thing was a budget. We are bad at budgets. You know those people who love them? Who track every dollar? We are not those people. We broke the budget monthly. But guilt is a powerful motivator and we needed something to keep us on track. If last month sucked, we could move on the 1st of each month... start fresh.

An important thing to note is that we were not perfect in anyway... we weren't even good. Our budget lacked a lot of "necessities". We sliced and diced until we were down to actual living expenses (i.e. bills). Our out to eat budget $40 for the month... and if you didn't buy it in the grocery store it came out of that amount, so this wasn't date night, this was Chick-fil-A. We went over EVERY MONTH in one place or another. There was no "new coffee pot" budget, not even an "OPK budget", so yeah as you can imagine, we went over a lot. It was not a sustainable, live the rest of your life budget by any means. This was for two reasons. One, our salaries, living situation, the whole thing was super new to us, we didn't know how much gas we would need or how much the power bill would be. We had to guess, and sometimes we went over (hello, Georgia summers). The second reason is this: I literally wanted to feel the pain every time I bought something that wasn't budgeted. I wanted to think to myself every. single. time. that I bought something outside of the budget, "this is less money for IVF". It's a bad budgeting system and not one that we have continued to use, but for our situation at the time, it worked.

An example: clothes. Even Dave Ramsey is an advocate of buying clothes. I figure if it's on Dave's list, it can be on mine too. Except when we created out budget, it was with NECESSITIES in mind. Are clothes a necessity? Yes, most certainly. But are new clothes a necessity in this season of life? Our answer was no. We had enough clothes to last six months or more, so there was absolutely no clothing budget. That is, until my husband ripped belt loops off his pants leaving giant holes... suddenly pants were more of a necessity. I waited for a sale, used coupons, and got the best deal I could, but as there was not a "clothes budget" it came out of the IVF fund.

Another important thing to note. We already knew before we signed a lease on our apartment that we were gearing up to live well below our means. It is always easier to make one decision that saves a big chunk of money, rather than a hundred small decisions. In my opinion, the single most significant thing we did was choose to rent a cheap place. Dave Ramsey recommends that you spend 25% or less of your monthly income on your rent or mortgage. Well we spent, 6.6% of our gross income and just under 10% of our bring home salary on housing. If we had been in a situation where we could not lower our rent or mortgage payment, it would have been very difficult to save as quickly as we did. The housing was a huge monthly savings for us and it has taught me that I never want to be house poor. Margin is always good.

And lastly, if budgeting, saving, or getting out of debt is difficult for you, I highly recommend an app (assuming you haven't ditched your smart phone in your saving frenzy). We used MINT... a free app (because $2 apps are not in the budget) that allows you to see exactly how much you have to spend at any given moment in a particular area. This was HUGE for us. It removes the "I didn't know" from the conversation (err argument). Our out to eat budget was forty dollars a month. So if we wanted to run to Dairy Queen for a blizzard, we checked the app. If $39.60 was staring us in the face on the 8th day of the month (which happened all too often), well then we had our answer. Forty cents does not pay for a blizzard. If we chose to go get the blizzard anyway, it was with the knowledge that we were blowing the budget, and even more importantly, that the extra three dollars was three dollars that was intended for IVF... ice cream starts to lose its appeal. With an app, there is no excuse; you can always know EXACTLY where you stand. And it removes a lot of math and data entry from my life. Praise the Lord.

So that's essentially it. I'm not a money guru by any stretch of the imagination, but with a lot of mistakes, we were able to pay for IVF out of pocket with zero insurance coverage! And we learned a lot in the process. Sam and I are far more money conscious now  than we ever were before. I am pro a debt-free life 97% of the time... clothes, food, furniture, pets... those things don't belong on credit cards in my opinion. But that 3% of the time... well that includes air conditioning units, because let's get real, I was not about to live through a Georgia summer without AC.... and so we have been using all of the knowledge we gained last year and doing the hard work all over again to get out of debt (again) and pay off all of the unforeseen  moving and new home expenses. That 3% also includes fertility disasters. No one grows up intending to need $30,000 to start a family, so don't blame yourself if you don't have the funds lying around. But do recognize that you are the master of your finances if you choose (either you're the master of your finances, or they'll be the master of you). One way or another, you're going to pay for it, either before the treatment or after, so either way, I encourage you to find places you can trim the fat. Save up faster, or pay it off earlier... you'll be glad you did. Some days, most days in fact, it will feel like you're hard work is only drops in a bucket, but persistence pays off. Your bucket will overflow eventually.