Single Digits

We are certainly in the single digits now! In fact, we're only five days from leaving for Jacksonville and six days from "IVF Start Date"... so crazy! Last night I looked over at Sam and said, "does it feel like we start IVF a week from today?" He immediately responded "nope"... we're both kind of in shock that it is here, it's time, the meds are in route, the bags are being packed... it's almost our turn.

It feels incredibly surreal. IVF has been what other people do. I've spent the last two years reading the blogs of other women who go through IVF, but never me. For the last 14 months, it has been "the plan", but we have had no real clue when we would have enough money to pursue the treatment. It has been such an incredibly long road to get to this point, but now that it is actually here, it feels like someone else's life.

I'm guessing it will all officially sink in about the time Sam stands before me (with a slight sadistic gleam in his eye) with a syringe of Gonal-F and a needle tip glinting in the lamplight... yea, right about then, I think I'll come to terms with the fact that IVF is officially here.

In other news, The Prohibition of All Things Yummy is going as well as can be expected. Whoever these people are who eliminate sugar for a week and suddenly stop craving, I don't know who they are. I'm definitely not one of them. Actually, I'm still doing okay in terms of sugar cravings which I guess is in part because I'm still eating fruit... if I feel like I'll just die without a brownie, I eat a clementine. Poor substitution, yes, but it seems to do the trick. What I'm really, really craving is salty, crunchy, delightfully yummy carbs. A Chick-fil-A biscuit is still top of my list, but I'd also love some pita chips, pizza... you get the picture. But I've stayed strong... and I'm down almost a full six pounds (5.8 to be exact) since I started almost two weeks ago. The weight loss is not the point at all for me (though who doesn't love to lose a few), but the weight loss helps me to know that I'm doing something right. I just hope I'm doing enough right to bathe my eggs in love, light, and nutritious surroundings rather than the "high glucose environment" they once were.

Other than trying to stick to boring food groups, we're just counting down the days like every other person at this time of year... only this year it's not Christmas we're counting down for. It's kind of a bummer, but Christmas is just one more day we have to "get through" before we get to leave. But it's honestly probably a good thing we have IVF to look forward to and plan for. The holidays are always hard, but this year, it's just not on my mind. I'm not dwelling on how sad I'll be, but rather trying to remember everything I need to pack... IVF is a good distraction! We each have two days of work, Christmas day, and then the drive down to Jacksonville. That is all that stands between us and potential, between us and hope, between us and fear. But I'm as ready as I'll ever be, so let's get this show on the road!