A Little Reality Check

The title of this post was supposed to be "Green Light" meaning we got the go ahead to proceed with IVF: no cysts, no wonky blood levels, no issues. Start your engines kind of talk. That was the title until our consultation this afternoon. Let me go ahead and end the suspense by saying we did eventually get the green light, but there was a total of about ten minutes there where I wasn't sure we would ever do IVF. Okay, so now that I've peaked your interest, lets rewind, shall we?

This morning I had my appointment for ultrasound and blood work... I was expecting it to be thirty minutes max. It was over three hours. Blood work was quick... only one vial. I'm not sure why, but I assumed IVF required like 80 vials a day or something terrible. Then we proceeded to the ultrasound room. Why nurses feel the need to tell you to strip half naked when the doctor is running behind I will never know. Hanging out on a table with a sheet covering you for half an hour is just not fun. However, the doctor came in and the party officially started. He was all excited, which helped me to get excited. "Woo hoo, here we go," kind of stuff. The ultrasound was fine. I'm not exactly sure what my antral follicle count is. He said 5 at one point while looking at the right, which just about made me come off the table. But then he said, "I don't count higher than 5" when I asked, and he then proceeded to show me that the left had more than 10.... not sure if the right had more than 5 too. I'm trying to be happy and satisfied with the fact that I have follicles... some women would kill for those.

There were no cysts, so that was all good. I assumed that was the end, but he then sent us to talk with a nurse. She went over all the paperwork (more signatures required than buying a house) and injections again. They decided they needed a HIV test and a semen analysis on Sam as his last tests were from December of 2012. We had to wait forever for the next person who went over the costs of everything. I don't care how low the cost starts, it's always more than you were planning... there are always little extras that "aren't included" like anesthesia. It was about $1100 more than we had previously been quoted after all was said and done, but whatever. We're moving on.

We finished up the morning (now afternoon) with a semen analysis and then finally got released. We managed to get Sam's prescription for antibiotics filled (FREE) and then grab a little lunch before heading back to the clinic for our consultation with Dr. Duffy regarding eggs, embryos, what to freeze and when. And that is where all hell broke loose.

When we got there, they took us straight back to his office and the nurse said she'd check to see if the analysis was ready from earlier. She came by and clipped something to our file a few minutes earlier. After about ten minutes Dr. Duffy showed up to review the analysis and begin our consultation. We could tell he was really unsettled. He asked Sam if he'd ever done an analysis before... ughhh, yeah, like five or six.... we've been to a urologist for goodness sake. He flipped through our records a few times before finally saying that he was just stumped. He asked Sam if anything traumatic had happened, did he have surgery, was he on testosterone, had he done anything to cause this: (at which point he showed the results) 14 sperm. Not 14 hundred million, not even 14 million, just 14 and they were ALL non-motile. Cue absolute freak out.

I some how internalized in 2.4 seconds that it would not be good if I lost it in front of Sam. I didn't want him to think I was blaming him, mad at him, any of that, so instead of sobbing or screaming I just started flipping through my notebook. I'm pretty sure I said "this is impossible" like ten times as I kept handing the doctor more and more old tests. He started talking about options: things like, test again in a week, go back on birth control, cancel the cycle... I'm pretty sure I was starting to unravel. I could tell Sam was really upset. He was perfectly still, but I touched his leg and it was about 100 degrees... he was about ten seconds away from bursting into flames. At which point Sam leaned forward and said "that's not my social". People, I. nearly. died.

For a full ten minutes I was in somebody else's shoes; I've never been so thankful to enter back into my own. It was an incredible reality check for both of us... as awful as it is to be here, to need IVF, at least IVF can help us. IVF can't do anything for 14 dead sperm. The doctor just about lost it himself but not from relief, from rage. I wouldn't be too surprised if someone lost their job over that little error. Needless to say he apologized a ton, reassured us that mistakes like this are incredibly unusual and that he and everyone who works at the clinic are held to a high level of responsibility. I was so relieved, I didn't even care. He went and picked up the correct analysis and returned with a much better report. We were able to salvage the rest of the consult, though it's probably needless to say that I was extremely frazzled and he was still really mad. I think we scrounged up enough info to move forward, but that's a post for another day.

For tonight, I'm simply insanely thankful to be where we are. Our hopes and dreams almost came to a screeching halt today. There's nothing like a little reality check to remind you that there are always worse scenarios than the one you're in. Instead of a cancelled cycle, we have a green light to move forward. We start meds tonight... 150iu of gonal-F and 75iu of Menopur. I can honestly say that I've never been more excited and I've never felt more blessed to be able to do these injections. We are so incredibly blessed to be here, financially able to afford this, with the chances we have due to the eggs and sperm we have... so, so blessed.