Resolve to Know More

It's that time of year again, the time when Resolve challenges anyone connected to or affected by infertility to speak out. This week is National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) and it's a moment in which we can take center stage and shine a great big spotlight on infertility. Resolve offers a specific challenge to bloggers each year and this year the theme is "resolve to know more."

When I think of "knowing more" I think of a lot of things… knowing more about adoption comes quickly to my mind as it's my current research project. But it's certainly not the first research project for me. No, long before I was cracking the covers of adoption books, I was frantically and fanatically researching all things infertility. It started out small… I just needed to know everything I possibly could about Clomid. What would it do? What would I feel? What were the risks? How might this affect us? I desperately needed answers before I could commit to swallowing those two small pills for five days. From there, the need to know more about my body, the medications, the procedures, the ethical concerns, etc. just sort of spiraled. I've spent the last two and a half years researching everything I can about infertility.

For me, it just comes naturally. Learning is a passion of mine. When I take the StrengthFinders test, "learner" is my top strength every time. I simply enjoy learning something new, and I particularly love feeling like an expert on a subject matter. I've always been that way. So for me, infertility was just another thing to learn. But I completely understand why not everyone feels that way. Not everyone enjoys research. And admittedly, there are some moments when I wish I knew less. There have been many, many moments during the last three years of our trying to conceive history is which I simply wished I didn't know. I wish I didn't know about pPROM or natural killer cells. I wish I'd never heard of Misoprostol or chromosomal translocation. I certainly wish my life had continued down the path in which I'd never heard of such things. I wish I'd never spent one moment researching infertility… I wish infertility didn't exist. But is does, and sticking my head in the sand and allowing doctors and nurses and insurance companies to make decisions for me won't help.

If infertility has touched your life, you should resolve to know more. Period, end of story. If you are the person affected by infertility, you should resolve to know more so that you can be your own advocate. People from all areas of your life are going to make suggestions. It might be your mom, your best friend, your OBGYN, or your RE, but suggestions will come; you can bet on it. You have to know enough to respond appropriately. Your aunt might recommend an herbal tea… you need to know that some teas aren't safe during a pregnancy or might affect medications that you're taking. Early on, your OBGYN might recommend checking your progesterone on cycle day 21. If you ovulate late like me, you need to know that progesterone should be pulled about 7 days after ovulation, not necessarily on cycle day 21.

You may think that your doctor is trustworthy and is recommending the best course of action, but unfortunately that's not always true. OBGYNs often simply don't have the knowledge that an RE has. In my personal experience, an OBGYN that I LOVED recommended back to back high dose Clomid cycles without monitoring. Long story short, I ended up with extremely large cysts that were very dangerous. My doctor wasn't a jerk and he wasn't intentionally trying to hurt me. Rather he was working with the knowledge he had and trying to keep costs low for us. He thought we were going to be an easy case... we were so young. I'm sure he never guessed we'd be here today. There will be times when you have to stand up for yourself with REs too. If you really want to try a procedure, know enough to present an educated argument in a respectful but earnest manner. Being your own advocate doesn't mean that you're on the offensive looking to search out bad healthcare. Being your own advocate means that you know enough to speak up and ask for a specific test. It means being fluent enough in the infertility jargon to carry on an educated conversation with your doctor. It means presenting questions and ideas in such a way that the doctor respects you and values your opinion. And occasionally, it means knowing that the care you are receiving is not sufficient so that you can seek help from someone else.

If you yourself are not infertile, but someone you know and love is dealing with this painful diagnosis, you too should resolve to know more. It is a breath of fresh air to someone dealing with infertility to carry on a conversation with someone without needing to explain every single thing. I don't really mind explaining or educating, but sometimes it's exhausting. You certainly shouldn't feel like you have to know everything, but you'd be surprised at how supported you can make your friend or family member feel by knowing what IVF and IUI stand for (In Vitro Fertilization and Intrauterine Insemination) and the differences between the two. Or if your friend or family member is looking into adoption, know some of the differences between domestic and international. Resolve provides some excellent resources to help you get started. Believe me, showing an interest in this VERY important part of your person's life will express love more than anything else. There have been times when I've felt like I lived and breathed infertility. It was the ONLY thing on my mind, so when a friend asked how things were going or remembered that we'd had an appointment with our doctor, I felt so loved. The reason to know more isn't to solve the problem for your loved one, so don't spend your time researching quick fixes. Rather spend time learning about what your loved one is interested in or planning to pursue. The reason to know more, isn't to fix the problem, it's to communicate that you care.

Infertility lives in the shadows. No one wants to talk about reproductive organs, menstrual cycles, or intercourse. No one wants to admit that reproduction, the most basic of functions alludes them. It's far more glamorous to pretend the Hollywood stars bearing children in their forties are the norm. No woman wants to imagine that her reproductive clock stopped ticking in her twenties. No man wants to worry if he's "man enough" for the task. It's far easier to ignore infertility, to shove it further into the dark recesses and hope it goes away. But the truth is that infertility is more prevalent than ever before. Even if you are never affected by infertility, I can almost assure you that you will know someone who is. It's time to bring infertility out of the shadows. It's time to say, "I am the face of infertility." It's time for infertile couples to feel supported rather than ostracized.  Resolve to know more... know the signs, know the language, know the options. Resolve to know more for yourself. Resolve to know more for those you love.