Confessional Booth

I'm showing my Catholic roots just a bit, but won't you step inside the confessional booth with me for just a moment? I need to get this off my chest.

Confession #1: I "reward" myself for my period each month... it's really not a reward, but rather a consolation prize, but it needs to stop. It's been a ridiculous habit of mine since I was a teenager. I'd bemoan being a woman and curse Eve for that stupid apple, and then I'd sit down to a buffet of chocolate because unlike Suzanne, I LOVE chocolate.. I have no idea where this habit came from, maybe movies? It certainly wasn't my mom. I never heard her whine about the monthly flow. While it might have been cute and forgivable in my teens, it's certainly not now that I'm nearing 30 a grown up. In fact, because of infertility, this cycle of consolation prizes has only increased. Now, not only do I bemoan the pain and horror of being a woman, but I also mourn the fact that my shared sisterhood doesn't give me any of the perks. I get all of the crappy parts about being a woman and none of the rewards. And thus, I stuff my face like it's the last meal. Last time, Sam bought me two dozen chocolate chip cookies from the Publix bakery, a pint of Ben & Jerry's, and raspberry white chocolate muffins from The Fresh Market... it was all gone three days later. My cravings vary from month to month... sometimes I need M&Ms, sometimes brownies, sometimes Starbucks... but the one thing you can count on is a gazillion calories and a lot of sweets. It's kind of pathetic.

Confession #2: Speaking of Ben & Jerry's, have you tried the new "core" ice creams? If not, run, don't walk, to the nearest store and purchase the Salted Caramel Core flavor. I. Am. Addicted. It's bad people. Ben & Jerry's is like $4.50 for a PINT! Have mercy, but that is NOT in the budget. Blue Bell isn't even in the budget (except when it's $3) and that's for a WHOLE GALLON. I think we've purchased 6-7 pints of B&Js THIS YEAR… I would wager that that's more than we've bought the rest of our marriage combined. I'm seriously addicted. We've tried the Hazed and Confused flavor, which is pretty good, but be warned, you better LOVE hazelnut, because the core is intense. We've also tried the That's My Jam flavor and it's pretty fabulous too, but believe me, you want to start with the caramel one. If you tried it, you understand. There's literally a central core running from top to bottom of salted caramel. Heaven by the spoonful.

Confession #3: I use dry shampoo more than I use real shampoo. Now, before you freak out, I still bathe every day, I just don't always wash my hair. My hair takes forever to dry, and unlike Jennie, I never mastered the blow out. For me, my hair is either a wavy, frizzy mess or I waste time better spent sleeping on blow drying and straightening this mane. No thank you. A little spray, a little fluff, an extra brush through to remove the scary, gray-haired grandmother look and bam… I'm out the door. I never intend to live without this stuff again. This would be in my deserted island bag.

Confession #4: I hate pants. I always have and apparently, I always will. My body was just not designed to fit in pants. I can deal with yoga pants and a good pair of jeans, but dress pants, trousers, khakis... all of that nonsense is just NO. If, by some miracle, I find a pair of pants that isn't too short in the inseam, has a waist line at an appropriate height, and doesn't squeeze out my love handles fat, I can guarantee you that they will be too short. At 5'8, I'm an exceptionally difficult height. I'm typically at the cusp of "can't get away with those high-waters" and "do I look like I wear 4" heels???" I mean seriously, if I'm already 5'8, do you think I want to be 6'? Umm, no. So longs are typically too long in dress pants and require heels (of which I am not a fan) and regulars typically look like odd ankle pants (and I'm particularly sensitive about feeling too tall for my pants). Essentially, the odds of getting one pair of pants to meet all of the requirements is next to impossible. So yeah, you can find me in yoga pants or sweats every waking moment that doesn't require a, uh, more sophisticated look. In those times, you'll find me in a maxi skirt (hello freedom).

Confession #5: I have zero skin care routine. No, I'm serious. When I want to go to bed, I go to bed. I don't wash my face, put on moisturizer, dab on wrinkle prevention cream… none of it. I don't even own eye makeup remover. I typically leave the shower looking like a raccoon. I use the towel I dry off with to swipe under my eyes until most of the black crap is gone (my husband loves this) and then clean it up with q-tips and water in the morning. That's it. End of routine. I used to have a wee bit more of a system in that I owned a moisturizer and eye makeup remover, but over the years, those items have been deemed "non-essential". All non-essentials have gotten the boot as we've saved for fun stuff like IVF. So essentially, I'm admitting that I will probably have crows feet and creepy wrinkles very soon, but until then no skin care here.

Thanks for reading along! You can post your confessions in the comments so I don't feel so alone! And HAPPY FRIDAY!