the Gifter on a Budget

I'm sure most everybody has heard of Love Languages by now, but if not, it's a great thing to know about yourself and your spouse. I am a gifter. I know, I know, it's like the worst language to have. It means you're superficial, high maintenance, needy, and that you enjoy things way too much. The good news for me is that I have a very close second love language: physical touch, and that my friends is FREE!!!

Another good thing about me is that gifting is most certainly the way I tell someone they are loved, but it isn't the only thing that works for me (remember, physical touch), so I'm not completely impossible to live with. But I sure do like random gifts like surprise flowers, or even cheap stuff. When Sam and I were dating (early on in the "please like me" stage) he'd show up with a half gallon of Blue Bell ice cream if I was having a bad day. Winner! As you can imagine, birthdays, celebratory milestones, and Christmas are BIG DEALS for me. Sam kind of hates it because I momentarily lose my mind at Christmas and spend 6 months worth of budget (mild exaggeration) in a mere 2 weeks (not an exaggeration.). 

I set the bar pretty high early on in our relationship. Way back in 2007 (Christmas #3), I got Sam the iPhone. Remember in 2007 the iPhone didn't come with any discounts… you couldn't buy an iPhone for a penny, it was full price baby. Awesome gift if I do say so myself. In 2009 (Christmas #5), we were engaged and 4 months away from the Big Day. I bought Sam a 40" TV (at an amazing price). All of this is to say, that when I get an AWESOME idea, I hunt like a mad woman for the best price, but somewhere along the way, things like common sense and budgets go out the window and love overwhelms my wallet and… boom! I LOVE YOU gets wrapped up with a big bow and shoved under the tree. 

Enter Christmas 2012, the year I was jobless for the past 5 months, the year we spent $5000+ on fertility treatments, the year we decided to pursue IVF. The empty wallet is really cramping my style. I've told everybody that what I want for Christmas (besides a baby) is either cash (to put in the IVF savings account) or things to get my body ultra-ready for IVF. Things like yoga classes, acupuncture sessions, etc. But I don't feel like I can expect the husband to give up Christmas presents for the future IVF procedure. And other people in my life certainly don't deserve the shaft just because my body can't get it together. 

So to compensate for my less than bountiful bank account I'm putting extra thought into all of the gifts this year. A lot of the gifts will probably be kind of boring compared to flat screen TV's and iPhones because they are needed items. Bor-ing. But it is what it is. I'm also trying to think back at some of the smaller gifts and remember what Sam really liked. I figure if I get things that he really likes, wants, needs it can make up for the smaller size, price, quantity.

I know that the Christmas season isn't really about gifting. I know that this is probably a great year for us to chill out and make some memories as this will be the last Christmas that Sam will have off for school. From here on, we will be regular ole' working citizens with a measly 2-3 days off for the holidays. And believe me, I am soooooo thankful that not only am I home for the holidays, but my mom and Sam will be off all the way through the new year. Beautiful. But this is really stretching me… how do I communicate love to my family, in particular my husband, when my language of love requires cash? I was struggling mightily with this earlier when it dawned on me that giving is not Sam's love language (bummer). Ah-ha! Show him I love him in his own language… and then I remembered, his love language is words of affirmation. So do I stand in front of the tree and recite all of the reasons that I love and respect my husband on Christmas morning? My creativity as far as words of affirmation go is pretty slim as you can tell. If anyone has any great ideas, pass them along!