Second Verse, Same as the First

So where are we in this whole "let's make a baby" game? Same place we've always been: not there yet.

Our problem seems to be that we keep landing on those pesky spots where you"lose a turn" and have to "go back 5 spaces". Can't we puh-lease just move forward. The path is all laid out nice and neat.

Enough with the game board analogy. Today was IUI # 2. I must have looked like one hot mess at my appointment today. My RE (who I'm beginning to think is the sweetest lady in this business) held my hand and answered all of my questions after the procedure. I think they have acquired ugly cry radar over the years, so she was probably just trying to head off the monsoon, but she was very comforting. She told me that her opinion was that I probably have two functional follicles ready to go, but even if there is only one, my odds are still good (like win the lottery good, not like good, good). I was also bummed because the sample count was a little lower. I know we are in a much better place than so many people; Sam has been the one gold star in all of this, but I guess I wasn't looking for anything to be worse than last time. But she assured me that from a number's perspective, we are sitting pretty.

She squeezed my hand and left me to my reclining time on the lovely table. Cue the tears. I guess the whole situation is just really overwhelming. I might have "made a baby" today (which would be awesome) without my husband even in the room. I know that there is no magic moment during a typical baby dance, but I never thought I'd conceive my baby with my doctor and nurse (go team) sans husband. So I cried about how awkward the situation is, how not "normal". I cried because Sam was at work. I cried because I feel so hopeless. And then my ten minutes were up.

I dried my face and got dressed. I opened the door and my sweet care coordinator was there to wish me luck. My guess is that my doctor said something to her about me needing a little extra support. No one was super nice or positive last time, so I'm guessing she told them I was looking rough. Then when I was checking out, my doctor came back out to tell me to have a good day. I guess she was super concerned.

I won't lie and say I'm feeling great and really positive. I'm not either of those. I feel like crap. I do however feel like I have pretty clear confirmation that I ovulated today… because it feels like my left ovary exploded, literally. I'm cramping and just generally in pain, but I know that this is all temporary, so I can tough it out. I'm not too positive either. I feel like I've come to some place where I'm kind of giving up on the doctors and their methods and numbers. I'm going through the motions because, hey, it can't hurt, but if this is going to happen, it's going to be all the Big Man. And it's not that I don't have faith He can do it. I know He can. The question is: will He? And of that, I'm just not positive.

We'll draw our next card in two weeks to see if it says "move ahead 1 space" or if we end up stuck in the "Molasses Swamp". 'til then.