Drink of Death?

So sadly, I do believe that the Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks has become inseparably connected to my miscarriage... bummer. I drank a latte last year the day before my BFP. When I miscarried the next week, I spent a HUGE portion of my down time running through all the possible things I might have done wrong. The top two contenders were coffee and jumping (I jumped around like a mad woman after testing).

A year out, I don't think either of those things actually had a thing to do with our loss. Sure, extreme exercise is not the best choice for some women while pregnant, but 5 minutes of leaping was probably not the culprit. And yes, coffee isn't the best drink while pregnant. 200mg seems to be the accepted daily allotment of caffeine. However, thanks to a sweet friend's post of a handy caffeine chart, I know that I was no where close to even my daily allowance, let alone a one time danger zone (if there even is one). So no, Starbucks didn't kill my baby.

I drank one today. A Pumpkin Spice Latte that is. I wasn't certain what my reaction would be, but I didn't feel a major ugly cry coming on, so I went with it. I'm happy to report that I was fine. It'll will probably always remind me of the miscarriage, but it's not tainted for me forever. So hip hip hooray!

I'm hoping Sunday will be another marker that I can successfully navigate without losing it. Sunday is a year since our BPF. One year since my world changed forever. One year without another BFP. One year of hoping and praying. One year of grieving and healing. But I plan on staying busy, and if I feel a little sad, or a little heartbroken, I'm going to give myself a pass. September is going to be a kind of sucky, sad month, and that's okay, unless we get a new BFP, and then, it will be the BEST MONTH EVER!