Missing the Medal Stand

I'm over the Olympics. I know, I know. So very unAmerican, unpatriotic, unsportsfan, uncool. But the truth is, I can't take the sadness. I'm not sure if we're actually worse this Olympics, or if it's all in my mind, but for whatever reason, it just seems like we keep. missing. the. medal stand. I can't take the disappointment.

Every time I watch an event there's some shoe-in who just botched their last chance for a medal... ever, because they're the ripe old age of like 32 and all their hopes and dreams are O-V-E-R. Or there's some newbie who no one thought even stood a chance, and they're oh so close, but no. Every time I turn on an Olympic segment the announcers are telling some incredibly sad reason why so-and-so needs/deserves a medal. Ughhhh. The tears, the sadness, the disappointment… I just can't take it.

Bode Miller after missing the medal stand in the Super Combined.
Photo credit: Huffington Post

I swear, if Lolo Jones doesn't medal, I'm done. I don't necessarily love (or don't love) Miss Jones, I have no clue if she's expected to win, or if we even have a chance in her event, but after three Olympics and such heartbreaking misses, after training for years and even switching sports, this girl deserves an Olympic medal. Just give her one already.

And that, dear readers, probably gives you some insight into my mind these days… I'm over disappointment. Over it. In some weird way, I can sympathize with these Olympians... I just completed the Olympics of infertility treatments. I trained hard. It cost us a fortune. It took us forever to get there. We sacrificed and sacrificed and sacrificed to get there. The build up and anticipation was huge. THE EVENT was finally here... and then it was over. Just like that, all the traing, all the saving, all the hope. Gone. Over. And it'll probably be four years before we can go again... literally. Every time an announcer says that this is probably the last Olympics for someone because they'll be 24, or 27, or 33 or whatever, I kind of want to stab my eyes out. I'll be 32 at the next Winter Olympics... that's a long time to keep your eye on the prize.

I'm probably showing a little of my Millennial generation status here, but I just want everyone to get what they've worked so hard for. It doesn't seem like too much to ask. I spent my entire childhood being told I could be anything. Astronaut, lawyer, surgeon, Nobel Peace Prize winner... my limits were supposedly only set by my focus, my determination, my drive. Yet here I sit with the most basic dream, the one most people don't even dream of, they simply assume it will happen, and it feels like no amount of focus, or determination, or drive will change my circumstances. Needless to say, that's disappointing. And frustrating and about 100 other non-desirable things, but ultimately, it's just really disappointing.

I think disappointed pretty much sums up my feelings at this point. I didn't necessarily think our first transfer would be a success going into IVF... I knew the odds. But now that it's all over, I can see that going into IVF, I believed we'd get a good harvest of eggs, and that surely, surely we'd get pregnant within two transfers. Now I'm not so sure. I now realize that I was betting on one egg retrieval bringing our take home baby and maybe, just maybe a sibling down the road. That seems very unlikely now. So yeah, I'm disappointed.

And I'm just over disappointment these days. And I know that sounds pitiful, and whiny, and childish, but that's the reality of the situation. I just want some good news. If not for me, then for my friends. Suzanne has her hysteroscopy at CCRM tomorrow, Conceptionally Challenged has an embryo transfer coming up on Wednesday, and Run Away Stork goes in for her first beta on Wednesday... really hoping for some good news ladies! No more disappointment!!!