Some Days Are Better Than Others

So it's been a while since there was a TTC post. Two reasons, first, I'm trying to stay a little bit more sane now that we're trying again: less dwelling, more living. Secondly, I don't want my blog to turn into Amanda's sob story, or Amanda's how not to get pregnant story. But sometimes, trying to conceive is just really what's on my heart.

Today is one of those days. If you're super over the TTC posts, feel free to skip this one. I'll try to have something more helpful, fun, intelligent, etc. next time.

First, a quick update. Last week I had my appointment to check on the cysts. Praise the Lord, they are all gone! I was so nervous. I had to wait all day for the results from my ultrasound. After the ultrasound I was waiting to see the doctor one last time before we move, and he ends up in an emergency c-section. Bless his heart, he ended up delivering SIX babies that day. Yikes! But because he's pretty much the nicest doctor ever, he squeezed in a call to me between baby four and five to give me my results! So thankful for the good news!

So the plan is, unless my miracle comes this cycle, I'll start treatment in Atlanta as soon as we move home. So for that, I'm so thankful. Not really looking forward to the price tag attached to treatment, but I am so ready, one way or another, to have my miracle.

Now, what got me all stirred up today? Seriously, have you ever had one of those days where you're literally overwhelmed with emotion? That was me today. I was scanning through Pinterest, and WHAM! Before I could even scroll by on my phone, I feel tears rolling down my cheeks.

I'm pretty sure that I had seen this one before, and there are tons of cute pictures of kids all over Pinterest. Shoot, just about every friend has a bucket full of boards about the kids they have, the kids they are pregnant with, or the kids they plan to have. It usually doesn't get to me. But this one hit me right in the gut. I'll blame it on my period for two reasons. One, I started today, so that's always awesome, right? Super emotional, tired, cranky, cry at the drop of a hat: that's me. But secondly, starting my period once again is confirmation that no, I'm not pregnant, again.

Despite my tears, I pinned it. Why? I think more than most moms, I can resonate with this scripture. No, don't get me wrong, I know that all of my friends who got pregnant quickly and easily, or even accidentally, prayed for their child in the womb. But this is different. If you know the story of Hannah, you know she wasn't praying for the child she had, she was praying for the child she had been denied, the child she yearned for. The Bible literally says"the Lord had closed Hannah's womb" (1 Samuel 1:6).  Personally, I had never paid to much attention to the the first part of the book of Samuel. I think most of us pick up once Samuel begins to prophesy. But the story of Hannah has begun to mean a lot to me in the last few months. I can certainly resonate with her heartache, with her tears, with her jealousy. In fact, I've tossed around naming my miracle "Sam", especially if it's a boy. Sam threw out the name Samuel years ago, but the meaning "God heard" means a lot more these days, and I can totally understand Hannah's dedication in the name when she said his name would be Samuel, "because I asked the Lord for him" (1 Samuel 1:20).

So yea, when my miracle comes, you better believe this will be a "must" picture. Heck, it might even be a wall sized canvas in our house, because it will certainly be true: "I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him." (1 Samuel 1: 27)