Now that THAT'S Over

Whew! Glad that's over. I was not looking forward to this Mother's Day at all, like at all. In the past, Mother's Day has been mostly okay. I've never had a day where I just cried all day or felt so miserable that I actually had reason to dread the day, but I was. I was really, really dreading it. I woke up Sunday morning thinking, "I really don't want to do this." This being go to church, smile, say "Happy Mother's Day" 2.4 billion times, and hug other people's kids. But I'm the class leader of the best, most awesome, coolest little two year olds three year olds I know, so skipping and calling out on such a big day was not an option.

Thankfully, it wasn't all that bad. I did have a small breakdown while getting ready. The sadness just overwhelmed me while applying eyeshadow, which is obviously a really awful moment for tears. I wasn't sad for me, I was sad for my babies. Five. That's how many babies I've lost. Now granted, I've never seen a heartbeat flutter on the ultrasound screen, I've never heard the thump/chug sound. Hell, I've never even made it to the third beta, but there have been five embryos with a little bit of me inside of them... they were my babies... and now they're dead. I was simply overwhelmed with sadness that my babies keep dying. I felt like the ultimate failure as a mom. My eggs are most likely to blame. It is my contribution to them that's killing them... at least that's how it felt in that moment. Not only do I not have the ability to provide for them and care for them like a mother should, but I am the reason they die... in other words, I'm killing my babies. Really happy, cheerful thoughts for 7:30am on Mother's Day.

I finally pulled myself together, cleaned the goop and tear tracks from under my eyes, and decided further worry with eye makeup was just dumb... it was obviously going to be one of those days. But you know what, that was the end of it. It was really the last moment of "woe is me" for the day. So a little piece of advice: if by chance Mother's Day is your personal form of torture, buy a house three days before.Yep, It's a sure fire way to be waaayyyyyy  too busy to even know what day of the week it is, let alone the specifics of the holiday calendar. After serving at church, we hightailed it out of there and headed to our home away from home (aka Home Depot) and the rest of the day was a blur. There were a few moments in which I thought of friends who were probably having a rough day, but for the most part, I was covered in putty, dust, paint and simply far too busy to wallow in self pity.

So hooray for that! Mother's Day 2014 is over and it's 362 days until the next one. And in the mean time, I've got 2.3459 billion things to do at our new house! (hopefully, those things will be done in 17 days, rather than 362 because that's how long we have to move) Without further adieu, the Greavu home.

 

 

Hooray! Moments after signing our names 10,000 times! It's official!

I promise to show pictures once we're a bit more settled. Currently, there's a cloud of dust so thick you can hardly see your feet. It's doing wonderful things for my lungs, let me tell you. If I'm missing in action over the next few weeks 17 days just know that I love you all bunches but I'm hard at work doing home ownery things like scraping popcorn ceilings and painting cabinets.