And Then There Were Two

I'm alive, though you wouldn't know it from the blog these days. It has been a busy season. I think of the blog every few days and think, "oh it's okay, I posted a few days ago, only to check and see that no, it was a week ago two weeks ago." And now it's been three weeks.

Let's see, in the last three weeks, I accepted a new position, put in my two week notice, left my old job, started a new job, signed up for private insurance, received my rocker for the nursery (eek), bought a crib and dresser (double eek), finalized plans for the nursery (who is this person?), and well, I think that about covers it. Oh wait, no. I applied for two new adoption cases. The first didn't go far because the expectant mother never showed up to review profiles. But the second, be still my heart. The second has brought us as far as we've ever been. Drum roll please…

We're one of TWO!!!

The expectant mom has selected us and one other couple to interview before making her final decision. For now, our interview is set for Tuesday evening, but it very easily could get bumped to Wednesday. There are quite a number of parties involved in the interview, so I'm trying to be as flexible and accommodating as possible. We've submitted questions for the her and we're awaiting the questions that she plans to ask us. That's basically it… just waiting.

I'm teetering on the edge between, "this can't possibly work because things like this never work out for me" and "oh, have mercy, I could be a MOM in less than 6 weeks!" I'm honestly pretty terrified that we won't present ourselves well. Sam is NOT a talker, and on the phone… umm, no. I, by nature lead conversations. In consults with the doctor, Sam typically asked one question, maybe two if he was feeling particularly chatty. And I came across as highly organized, extreme type-A personality who needed answers to all life's questions… which is basically true, but not exactly the side I want to shine through tomorrow. The advice I've gotten is to personable, show emotion, and connect. Three things that I am NOT good at doing, particularly when I'm meeting someone, and even more so when I'm nervous. I just really needed the profile book to carry me through the match process. I did not want the decision to come down to my ability to shine in a phone call.

But I really have to give this expectant mom credit. She is taking this so seriously, and I really commend her for it. Her words to the agency last friday were this: "I can only do this one thing for my son. I want to do it really well." Gah, that just breaks my heart and makes me love her at the same time. She reviewed several profiles, but just couldn't decide between us and one other, so she's interviewing both over the phone before she decides. After that, she wants to meet the couple she selects before the birth. See? She's 110% in this, serious, devoted, committed. I really admire her and everything I've heard about her from the agency is just so impressive.

The few people that we've already told have asked about the other couple. I have zero information on the couple other than that must be within 6-7 hours of the expectant mom as that was her one stipulation on the original profiles. People joke that they are surely hideous, or some other undesirable characteristic that will make us the automatic winner. But the truth is that they are probably a lot like us. I've read through about 50 prospective adoptive parent profiles during this journey. If you remove the singles and homosexual couples, you're left with a very similar group. I'd say about 80% of the heterosexual couples are seeking domestic adoption due to infertility in some form or another. Our stories, when written in a brief paragraph, all read about the same. Judging by this woman's interest in us, the other couple is probably a lot like us: mid to late twenties or early thirties, married three to ten years, no children, struggling to conceive or dealing with reoccurring pregnancy loss. We're probably a lot more alike than we are different. She's probably obsessing over her questions and worrying the nights away about what to say (and not to say) in the phone call. They're probably looking at the calendar in amazement and cautiously hoping that life changes forever in the next few weeks. It's a competition of sorts because there will only be one "winner," but it feels a lot like competing against one of my sisters. I know this woman's pain. I've lived her darkest moments. I know intimately how badly she wants this.

So friends, that's where we are. Ever so cautiously waiting and trying desperately to guard our hearts. One of two is a heck of a lot further than we've been before, but I am not a betting woman, and 50% odds have never sounded good to me. The good news is that as always, there will be an end to this waiting and hoping and guessing. Both couples will interview with the expectant mom early this week, so I'm hopeful that we'll know one way or another by the end of this week.

If you're the sort to pray, we're currently scheduled for our call at 7pm tomorrow. I'd really appreciate prayers for Sam and I. I want to walk away from the phone call saying that we did well. That we presented ourselves earnestly and honestly and that we loved and respected this woman. Pray for my heart, that I can show emotion on this call, yet keep myself grounded and guarded this week as we wait. And pray for this woman and her son. This is one of those "I want to want what You want, Father" kind of situations for me. Ultimately, we want what is best for the baby. If that's us, SUPER, but if not, that's okay too.

Update: The interview is Tuesday at 7:30.