Childhood Lies

So lately, I've been feeling lied to. No, not recently, but all my life, growing up, doctors, teachers, adults in general, lied "for my own good". Case in point: I can distinctly remember asking my OBGYN in college if my incredibly irregular periods were a reason to believe I might struggle to get pregnant. Her answer, "absolutely not." Now, come to find out, an irregular cycle is one of the most common symptom of the fertility challenged. Now I get that no one wants to be the bearer of bad news, and at 19, who knew what the future would hold... but she LIED!!! I also get that the university probably paid her more to keep students from dropping out due to pregnancy... can't have the graduation rate suffer! But really, I feel like she could have said, "Yes, actually, irregular periods are something to worry about if pregnancy doesn't come easy once you decide to start trying. Just remember, if they are still irregular in the future, and you're struggling to conceive, you may want to seek a doctor earlier than normally recommended." Would that have been so hard?

The even greater, and grander lie that we have all been fed for years is called sex education. Now don't get me wrong, I think knowing what puberty is all about is important. And I totally think that teens should know about all forms of birth control. Whether we teach abstinence or not, not everyone will choose it. But I don't believe health class should include lying to students to scare them into believing that sex=pregnancy. It's just not true. Believe me.

I specifically remember a poster in high school. It was on the door of my guidance counselor. I couldn't find the exact poster, but this was the general image.

Now, while it is totally true that there are millions of little swimmers, and only one final destination, this leads you to believe that it's simply a race of the fittest to the finish line. One time of unprotected sex and certainly at least one swimmer will attain the promised land. Not so. There are literally about a million things that have to go absolutely right during a woman's cycle for her to conceive. Seriously, the more I research, the more I'm amazed that ANYONE can conceive. It's this incredibly complex symphony of hormones that must be perfectly timed to have the egg at just the right place at the right time. That doesn't even bring into account the timing of the little guys being in the right place at the right time. An egg can only survive for about 24 hours after ovulation. That's it. Sperm can last up to about five days in the most perfect conditions, but normally it's more like three. Starting to get the picture? It seems like the hours spent on telling me all the various ways you could get pregnant without actual intercourse (in a hot tub, with your clothes on, etc.) was kind of a waste.

Did you know that each month, the average healthy couple in their early twenties only has about a 20% chance of conceiving (not necessarily carrying to term). And obviously, as you age, that chance per cycle decreases. In fact, there is even a notable decrease in your late twenties. True, doctors don't consider your chances to be a real issue until 35, but at that point, you would be lucky to have one child. Seriously, by 40, your chances are about 5% each cycle.

If your dream is only to have one, maybe two kids, then I guess your pretty safe to wait until your late twenties or early (early) thirties to start trying. But if you, like me, want to redeem the age of our grandparents where families of four were small, good luck. I'm starting to get the picture, to have six kids like my MeMaw, I needed to start half a decade ago.

So why all the lies? Maybe "lies" seems like kind of a harsh term for mere exaggerations that were meant to keep the teenage population from having children that they can't financially or mentally care for. They were simply trying to prevent high school and college drop outs which would lead to a greater percentage of people living below the poverty line. But really, there has to be a better way. If you're going to call it education, then educate me, don't lie to me.