We're the Lucky Ones

It's over. The wait is over. I have a son. He's mine just as if I'd birthed him from my own body. In the eyes of the law, he has the same rights and privileges (whatever those may be) just the same as any future children of ours, be they biological or not. Our adoption is official and final as of today. He is my son. I am his mom. The finalization hearing took place this morning, and now the four year process to start our family, and the five month process to finalize our adoption our both complete. With one signature on a piece of paper, it was over. Hallelujah.

It was a shockingly brief hearing this morning. I knew it would be. Everyone said it was incredibly anticlimactic. Our lawyer sent us documentation that the room had been reserved for a whopping ten minutes. We only had to answer seven questions, six of which were answered with a "yes." It was over so quickly, I barely had a chance to be emotional. The judge was an older gentleman and obviously ready to be on with his day. As I was planning my answer to "why are you petitioning the courts to finalize your adoption?" and the tears were starting to form, he signed the document and said, "well let's get this finalized for you." I sucked my answer back in and just held my sleeping baby. Yes sir, just sign that piece of paper. That's all I need. And just like that, in the eyes of the law, we're a family. It's what we've known and felt in our hearts for months. I can't explain exactly why it mattered for it to be "official." It's not like a thought of myself as his guardian, but there's something about someone recognizing us as a legitimate family, just the same as any other that brings tears to my eyes. It is good to be a family (officially).

When I think about this little boy, tears swim in my eyes. I love him so much I can hardly breathe. He's changing me, shaping me, molding me into a different person. He's refining my heart. Infertility chiseled big ugly sections of my heart free; Garrison is polishing it. He's softening my heart, showing me a new kind of love, stretching my faith, bringing clarity to my understanding of the Father's love. I've only known this little boy for 138 days, but they have been life altering of epic proportions. My heart is changing because of my love for Garrison. My dreams for my family, my perspective on infertility, my purpose in life…he's changing it all.

I know the comments are coming regarding our adoption. People will say, "Garrison is so lucky to have you." And I know what they mean when they say that. Everyone means well. They think Sam and I can give or offer more (financially, spiritually, emotionally, physically) than Garrison's birth family. He's lucky to have us rather than what could have been... that's what people mean when they say these types of things. I'm sure I've said similar things in the past to others. I'm not here to comment on the circumstances surrounding Garrison's birth or placement into our family. That's his story to learn first and tell if he so chooses. But I am here to say this, it's not him, but us that are the lucky ones. Sam and I, we're the lucky ones.

I don't understand the way God works. Why infertility had to be a part of my very young family. Why Garrison's birth family had the difficulties and circumstances that they did. I can't explain why one couple gets pregnant and another doesn't…all of these are questions that I just don't have answers to. I can't explain why Sam and I lived through the years of pain that we did, nor why Garrison has already experienced the greatest loss. But I can tell you this, I can't imagine my life without him. He is without a doubt the greatest thing that has ever happened to us. I can also tell you this: it didn't have to end this way. We could still be waiting. Trying IVF. Hoping for a lucky cycle. Waiting for a match. Picking up the pieces from a failed adoption. Instead we're lying in bed with our sleeping son knowing that we are so fortunate to have him. And not just any son, but this son. Our son. So yes, Garrison is fortunate. Things could have gone differently. We're thankful his birth family loved him and chose life and a future for him. But I can guarantee that Garrison will change far more about Sam and I than we will ever change about him. It's not him, but us, Sam and I, that are the lucky ones.

Welcome to the family, Garrison Greavu, forever our firstborn. We're so thankful for you and can't imagine one day of life without you in it. We love you to the moon and back (and back again).