Not Enough Hours in the Day

So for months (well honestly years) prior to getting married I read books on getting married. I knew that if I could ever convince Sam that 30 was not the ripe age upon which to say "I do", that we would get hitched, so there was no harm in reading up and getting prepared early. Many of the books for engaged and newly married couples discuss the newlywed stage as something precious, as the foundational stage of the marriage, and a very important time for emotional, physical, and spiritual bonds between a husband and a wife. Many of these authors suggest that the honeymoon, which in modern day society has turned into a glamorous vacation, was originally a much more purposeful time set aside for these bonds to be created. This principle in even biblical:

"If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married."

-Deuteronomy 24.5

When first reading this scripture I thought two things to myself. One, America certainly doesn't follow this principle for I know many newlyweds who are separated because the husband is stationed overseas for months (or more). Secondly, I thought that Sam and I were safe. This obviously refers to being separated for long periods from one another. As neither of us are in the military, neither of us will be going to war. We're fine.

However, recently after our wedding, I began reading a new book, Intended for Pleasure by Ed and Gaye Wheat. They take a very different look at this scripture and this period for newlyweds. They write,

"In our day of poor marriage planning we could hardly expect a man to take off from work for one year. However there is a definite spiritual principle here. It is that the first few weeks of the marriage are a crucial time for the young couple... I certainly advise balancing your funds so that you can be free of responsibility for a few weeks (or months)."

I read this and thought, yea, well that would be nice, but we've got to move, start grad school, find a job. Life doesn't just stop for us to bond together. Bills have to get paid, etc. Funny enough, he went right on spoke specifically to our situation, "Never plan on getting married before entering college or graduate school or starting a new business, when the demand on your time and efforts will be so great."

I kind of chuckled to myself at that time thinking, and when exactly would you like for us to get married? Our future hopefully looks something like this... grad school, a new career, open a new business. We would be 40 before we found time, and even then I doubt it would be ideal. I shrugged it off that this man was crazy and living in a fairy tale.

However, 5 months in, I'm starting to think he may have been on to something. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled that Sam and I got married! I love my husband more and more, and I have been overwhelmed at how much God has answered my prayers for a growing love and respect for my husband. But that doesn't mean it's easy to find time for one another. We planned our wedding for the best possible time for us (just before moving, and a month before school started for Sam), but man-o-man has it been tough. I often see Sam less than I did when we were both home living with our parents and working. I definitely saw more of him when we were at UGA. Excluding the fact that I guess we're "together" when sleeping, we are in the house together about 3 hours a day. That's not much time to really BE with each other when you think of all the things you have to squeeze in to the evenings, not to mention, most nights, Sam has to study.

This is one of those things where I don't have the solution, not for Sam and I, nor for the many other newlywed couples who find themselves in similar circumstances, whether it be school, careers, etc. I don't know how we are supposed to do it all, bond emotionally, physically, spiritually, but still get it all done... make the A's, pay the bills, save for the future. And I know that there are probably many other couples out there who are feeling a little overwhelmed by it all too.

For the couples out there that for whatever reason, whether it be a terrific work situation that allowed you to take weeks or months off, or a financial situation in which careers could be put on hold after graduation-- consider yourselves truly blessed. It is a time together that you will probably never have again... or at least not until retirement. For the rest of us, including Sam and myself, I pray that God will truly honor the time that we are able to devote to one another and that he will multiply it abundantly and make the time as fruitful as possible. I'm also praying specifically over Sam and I (as I know this is our area of weakness) that the Lord will bless us both with restfulness and allow us to squeeze out a bit more time in the mornings and/or evenings to spend together with no distractions of school, work, or the world. My heart desires to know my husband more and more, so please let me find the way.