I guess I am officially joining the crowd and becoming a member of the blogging community. It’s another one of those things, that I swore I’d never do, because I mean, “who reads those things?”. To answer it, I do, so I might as well join my voice with everyone else. Now is as good of time as any.
In fact, now may be one of the more popular times to start a blog, as I’m in the “newlywed phase”. Based on so many of my friends who have married before me, it seems like a blog is the thing to do for the newly married. Why? I don’t know, probably for several reasons. Firstly, it probably has something to do with the feeling of severed ties. You are a unit now, not an individual, and in some ways it feels kind of isolating, contrary to what it might seem. Secondly, so that family (read this as moms) can keep track of you and your family without feeling nosy. Thirdly, it probably has something to do with social networking. So many of my friends (and myself) got married before careers and everything were completely set in stone, so there is also the aspect of starting real life, and some contacts sure won’t hurt.
I guess I fall into all three of these categories. I could certainly use any networking available, I’m sure our moms will be the major followers of this blog, but the main force driving me is the feeling of isolation. I have no idea exactly how writing to no one in particular solves that, but putting pen to paper (figuratively) has always helped me order my thoughts, and maybe the idea that someone could read it removes some of the isolation.
Not only am I a very recent newlywed (just over 6 weeks), but I’m also a resident of a new city where I know one person… my husband. Talk about feelings of isolation! And to top it off, I’ve knowingly chosen a life that I swore I would never have--I am the wife of a medical student. I am surprisingly pleased with this status and so very proud of my husband, but it is not the path I thought I'd be on 5 years ago. Why is that so taboo to me? Well, I grew up to my mom’s horror stories of doing exactly what I’ve just done… marrying my dad and leaving everything she knew to go with him when he got into dental school in Louisville, KY. She didn’t know a soul, she had no job, a son to take care of, and a husband who spent 20 hours a day at school slicing open cadavers or at home in silence studying. Thankfully there are some differences between my mom’s story and mine: The Lord was good to me and only sent me 2.5 hours away from my family instead of 9, I don’t have a young son to care for, just a 1 year old cat (Everest), and I seriously doubt that my husband will spend 20 hours a day studying. As he explains it to me, he would either go crazy or his head will explode!
Despite these distinct differences, I am coming to realize that the next three years are full of unknowns, and I HATE unknowns. I like lists, I like order, I like to know exactly what steps get me where I want to go, and I like to be in control. However, I think God has a different plan. I have decided to trust, which is something that I am very bad at, but I am going to trust Him, that His reasons and His plans are infinitely better than the ones I would have come up with. I’ve decided to trust that God fully comprehends our financial situation, and that He will provide; that He hears and understands my loneliness, but that He is using this time to draw me closer to my husband, and ultimately to Him; and that He has the timeline of my years planned for me, so I can stop with all the worry.
So here’s to believing that I have not been abandoned no matter how alone I may feel, and trusting that the next chapter of my life is being written by the ultimate Author.
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